I am a cow

[Iamnotagoddess]

DH comes home every weekend and goes away for extended periods.

This means our relationship takes a lot of effort. The last 4 weeks he has come home unwell with a cold he can’t shake, blocked ears and a hacking cough (admitted he has started smoking again which has annoyed me) and really really grumpy and unpleasant with it.

Has arrived home on a Thursday and immediately taken to bed.

He hasn’t been off work or been to the GP which is what I am told to do when unwell.

Tonight he has rocked up with a migraine and phoned me during the journey to tell me he had thrown up, then had a go because I was unsympathetic (I am not the most sympathetic person with illness anyway).

He has come home and gone to bed again.

We are going to a once in a lifetime concert this weekend.

AIBU to feel totally fucked off the 4th or 5th weekend in a row he’s unwell, again and have absolutely no (even pretend) sympathy.

I know I am but ARGH!!!

Sleep is very healing when you have a bad cold. I hope he feels better soon and, the next weekend he comes home, he is able to do more with you.

He can't help it.

I get it OP as my dh has a cough for 2 weeks and did nothing about it for 10 days. I gave up saying ..go to GP..as he kept moaning and did nothing. Eventually went and was prescribed antibiotics and an inhaler. Did he pick them up from pharmacy straight away..no...came home telling me what GP said but no meds. Picked them up yesterday..used the inhaler but left antibiotics as says he doesn't need them. At this stage he can cough away but not in my ear. No sympathy left.

YANB a bit U about the cold, smoking and not seeing the GP.

But migraines are awful things that make you feel absolutely dreadful. If you don't get them yourself I don't think you can really understand. It's really not just like having a headache. So for that, YABU.

If its the Spice Girls concert you deffo don't want to miss that, it's bloody brilliant 👍 even 5 hours standing in torrential rain didn't ruin the show!

It is NOT the Spice Girls. It is the same venue.

If he has a CPAP and he is ill then he will feel run down. You seem to think that because he's sleeping he can't possibly be tired or run down, whereas actually he can if he's not getting quality restful sleep. Quantity doesn't always equate quality.
You sound nasty and selfish. If I were your husband I wouldn't be coming home at all. I would just send the divorce petition through the post.
Out of curiosity, which arm was he in?

@StBernard this exactly.

Adamant for years he did not have sleep apnea but with careful, kind persuasion from me he eventually went to the GP and was diagnosed.

Was an absolute nightmare with mood swings but careful and kind persuasion from me he was diagnosed with anxiety and put in medication.

Feels like it’s always all about him.

Op the manchild routine is very tiring when he won't help himself. ie by going to see a doctor or working

Plan to go to the concert with a friend. Stop listening to his whining. Just be bright and breezy on the phone and make it (very) short. Do you hope you are feeling better, if not when do you plan to see the dr? Kind of thing. Yes he wants a wet nurse, no that can't be you.

YANBU

He sounds very tiring.

You are better woman than me.

Do you even like him? Go to the concert with someone else.

How does he snore with CPAP unless he’s not using it and there lies the problem.

You're right by the way, you sound like a right cow.

The thing with pesky viruses they take forever and a day to go away.

You know YBU, however I also understand that you need a break also.

Ds2 has had a virus for 7 weeks now, he has a compromised immune system, it’s exhausting.

With due respect Cherry you’re not living this, OP is. Maybe it is always ‘about him’ - maybe he’s a little self-obsessed and a bit of a moan and maybe OP has grown weary of the negativity. That’s what it sounds like to me. Not sure why you’re tearing a strip off her.

I live with an anxious husband too. I love him but I won’t lie - it can be joy-sucking and tedious at times. I’m not fucking selfish, I’m human.

Cherry
I think op means because he won’t seek help because he’s stubborn af.

After your last update yanbu. I think it’s less about being ill more about not doing anything about it in the past. But I think you’re burying yourself in the sand on this one.

I’ve seen adverts on the tv stating if you’ve had a persistent cough over 3 weeks to see a doctor. That would apply to your dh. It may be all related to smoking as I imagine sleep apnoea doesn’t mix well with it and he could be veering toward asthma.

If a cold keeps coming back, it could for example be a sign of sinusitis or even something more sinister. Sinusitis for example give pain in the cheeks, teeth, towards the nose and / or above the eyes.

To be honest there’s not much he could do about a cold, and even a really bad one doesn’t need treatment by a doctor. It just sounds like he’s been hit by something really nasty and needs some time to recover.

That said, I totally understand why you are disappointed when you had fun plans. Can someone else go with you instead?

I would also be annoyed about the smoking because that certainly won’t be helping his cold.

That must be the nastiest comment I’ve seen on here for a while. Get a grip and stop being so fucking selfish.

Really? You can't have read much lately. Your comment was nasty, not the OPs.

I agree with Pictish. how do you know that it isn't all about him? You aren't in their house. You have no idea.

I too, would get pissed off if my husband was always ill and didn't go to the GP. He is being grumpy and unpleasant, so I don't blame the OP for being a bit tired of it.

Even if he is really ill, it doesn't make OP selfish to have a moan about it. I bet you don't get much sympathy from him do you OP, when you mention you are tired and drained?

he's in the forces

It's knackering. Also I used to work away from home and only go home at weekends, you'd be surprised how many people do that. And how many of them work insane hours so they can get away on time on Friday.

You two need to talk.

I'm with you, OP.

DH never takes time off, and is ill in the time we have together.

Bloody irritating when he drags himself in to work (not a life or death job, and he has had no/0/none time off so isn't on a disciplinary or anything).

Can't quite believe all these comments of "make him a GP appointment" "look into supplements for him". Suggesting it's the op's fault her partner is a grumpy fucker because she's not taking good enough care of him. Sorry, is this the 1950s? Her partner is responsible for his own mood and if he's pitching up at home every weekend and making her life a misery is she supposed to just take it?

Op have you got kids together?

Well I must be a cow too, OP, because I'd also be pissed off and rolling my eyes. In fact I'm such a cow I genuinely don't understand the flood of tolerance and concern for your husband being shown on this thread.

He's constantly miserable and too ill to do anything you want to do, but has energy for sex (and expects you to be in the mood despite his moaning and I'll temper). He won't see a GP, and I don't know why everyone is insisting he must be so exhausted and worn out, if he's never been before, in the same job.

I'd be sick of it, and I think most people would too.

Being stressed or depressed can greatly affect the immune system, lots of sleeping does suggest he may be run down. Does he still want to be in this relationship - could this be his way of telling you he isn't happy in it? Maybe his anxiety meds need reviewed.

Is it a concert he wants to go to?

Buy him some echinacea tablets and ask him to take them every day. My DH was always ill with colds and flu and hasn't had a bout in 2 years since taking this.

YANBU OP. You are not his mother,you shouldn't have to make gp appointments for him,cajole him into going, buy him supplements etc. He's a fucking grown up and he can't have it both ways, he's either ill enough to need help or he's not.

OH had a nasty cough for ages and did fuck all about it until I had a massive temper tantrum. Finally went to the GP and came back a walking pharmacy. Nasty chest infection and got prescribed antibiotics,inhaler and steroids. It should not get to that point.