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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I am a cow

154 replies

Iamnotagoddess · 13/06/2019 21:28

DH comes home every weekend and goes away for extended periods.

This means our relationship takes a lot of effort. The last 4 weeks he has come home unwell with a cold he can’t shake, blocked ears and a hacking cough (admitted he has started smoking again which has annoyed me) and really really grumpy and unpleasant with it.

Has arrived home on a Thursday and immediately taken to bed.

He hasn’t been off work or been to the GP which is what I am told to do when unwell.

Tonight he has rocked up with a migraine and phoned me during the journey to tell me he had thrown up, then had a go because I was unsympathetic (I am not the most sympathetic person with illness anyway).

He has come home and gone to bed again.

We are going to a once in a lifetime concert this weekend.

AIBU to feel totally fucked off the 4th or 5th weekend in a row he’s unwell, again and have absolutely no (even pretend) sympathy.

I know I am but ARGH!!!

OP posts:
HundredMilesAnHour · 13/06/2019 23:07

He’s a grumpy horrible fuck

It sounds like you're well matched then.

justanswerthephone · 13/06/2019 23:07

I refer you back to your thread title OP.....

justanswerthephone · 13/06/2019 23:07

Cross posted Paddington Grin

Original poster
Iamnotagoddess · 13/06/2019 23:11

Thank you.

Nothing is like it seems is it.

OP posts:
Ginlinessisnexttogodliness · 13/06/2019 23:14

“All my clothes and makeup are in the room “

Does this amazing room have a magic door too, whereby you go through and do you come out of the other side a nicer person than the one who started this thread?

AutumnCrow · 13/06/2019 23:17

Well I couldn't be arsed with it all. You don't have DC?

Aberforthsgoat · 13/06/2019 23:18

Wow op I get that you’re frustrated but it sounds like you just want people to agree that he’s a grumpy fuck and you’re not interested otherwise.

In fact, it seems like you’re making it all about you. I would be concerned he was properly ill or trying to avoid time with me!

FilledSoda · 13/06/2019 23:22

All that sleeping means he is run down.
I'd want to get to the bottom of it , that's a long time to be feeling rubbish.

GabsAlot · 13/06/2019 23:24

Whats the concert

Stormy76 · 13/06/2019 23:31

It’s not really normal to be that tired, does he have the CPAP machine with him on camp or is it just at yours. Sleep apnea can make you feel like complete shit. Have to say you don’t sound as though you care about him and actually do sound like a bit of a cow?

mumofwantwomany · 13/06/2019 23:35

why don't you take your clothes and makeup for tomorrow into the spare room so you don't need to go and wake him up that early

OwlBeThere · 13/06/2019 23:35

to be fair to the OP, even if he IS seriously ill she can't make him go to the doctors, because she has suggested that but he hasn't bothered.
i get what you mean OP. its hard to feel sympathy for someone who a0 refuses to help themselves when unwell, b) makes everyone else miserable because they are unwell.

TurquoiseAndPurple · 13/06/2019 23:38

Oh OP I'm a cow as well 😂 my OH is always tired because he cycles 20 miles a day for work and is always moaning about some sort of (minor) ailment. But he stays up late to play on his games and has a shit diet so he doesn't exactly look after himself.

So yeah, it does my head in that he's tired and whingeing all the time (he's fine, honest). I have no sympathy for him either.

3luckystars · 13/06/2019 23:38

Can someone else go to the concert with you?

I would make a doctors appointment for him.

Krisskrosskiss · 13/06/2019 23:44

I get you. My husband is so devoted to his job that he would go in even if he were dying... which then obviously means that hes extremely ill on his days off. It drives me nuts. He does 12 he shifts so I'm on my own all day with two under 4s anyway... and the on his days off hes so ill hes just in bed! My sympathy can be none existent because I just think that if hes that ill he needs to take the bloody day off work in order to get better and not get even iller!!! Hes not ill all the time it's just that when he is it goes on for bloody ages because he insists ongoing in to work when hes not really well enough.

Antigon · 13/06/2019 23:47

YANBU, I’d have zero stops that if he’s unwilling to see a GP (especially as he tells you to see one when you’re sick).

GabsAlot · 14/06/2019 00:14

Its not the spice girls is it

WhereYouLeftIt · 14/06/2019 00:20

A cold he can't shake - I had something similar. Had a lightbulb moment, tried my son's asthma inhaler - turned out to be asthma (confirmed by GP afterwards). Given he's been smoking, not really good for lungs - could he have asthma? If you could get him well again, he'd be pissing you off a lot less...

wotsittoyou · 14/06/2019 00:39

My brother had a 'cold', went to sleep and didn't wake up because he'd developed pnuemonia.

You do sound horrid, to be honest. You keep repeating that he naps, as if you expect this to evidence his good health. He's got sleep apnea: he naps because he's perpetually fucking knackered! This doesn't mean he can't be run down - quite the opposite.

julensaor · 14/06/2019 00:44

I'd be worried about him, the concert wouldn't even be a glitch in my life if I saw the person I loved struggling. Maybe you need to be kinder to him OP.

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 14/06/2019 00:52

It could be the weekly flights that's causing it. My sister started taking regular migraines and feeling really run down when she was flying to Ireland and back every week.

Also, people tend to nap because they are exhausted. It's kind of what happens if you aren't sleeping enough/well.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 14/06/2019 01:01

There's obviously something up with him.

YANBU to be frustrated that he won't go to the doctor however you're being UR with the rest of it.

tolerable · 14/06/2019 01:11

i dont think your horrid necessarily. i think you are objecting to neglect.possibly by proxy(hes neglecting himself/ill but no attempt to get better)head on,not knock oneffect-hits you..as its repeatedly its got to either be hes weak as a kitten,needs mummy/call 111-they pretty much try like hell to speak directly to ill person/failing which accept you repeating their q's and his a's..OR hes a gummer,has lost ALL interset in you,him,relationship,and couldnt give a toss if your upset ir not.111 will eliminate or prove that too...or i will.what "lifetime"concert is it?x

Myfoolishboatisleaning · 14/06/2019 01:15

Has everyone missed the part where the OP has stated he won’t seek medical advice? He is a grown man it is not up to her to protect his health ffs. I get it OP, if he was really ill, he should take responsibility for his own health and if it affects your life then he is actually being pretty selfish.

StBernard · 14/06/2019 01:17

OP I sympathise, my dh is forces too and we've done the MU thing. It's rotten, you only have a couple of nights a week max and then they disappear. When dh was in the regiment I'd get told how he was out doing pt playing football or going for a run or in the gym then going out to eat or chilling by himself. Meanwhile I was home with the dc without a minute to myself. When he came home complaining of feeling unwell it was really difficult to be sympathetic. Sometimes the reg sounds more like a holiday camp! All meals provided for them etc.

Maybe get him to look into some supplements? He may not be eating the best food. Basically he needs to sort himself out and start being a grown up on a weekend as well as during the week. Sometimes I think they struggle to grow up!

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