To think that this is a stupid reason to end a relationship over?

[Rainyday2019]

My DP and I don’t live together. I love him to bits, he’s everything I want in a man. we rarely argue, but lately we’ve been arguing over the same issue which is he that he sometimes don’t reply to my messages even though I can see he’s been online a few times, I told him how it makes me feel, but he keeps saying things like ‘sometimes I’ll read your message, and think I’ll reply in 10 mins but get caught up with something else or forget’. Like yesterday he had a friend round his house, he hasn’t seen this friend for a while so I understand he was busy spending time with this friend. We were texting right up until his friend arrived, so I sent him another text at 6pm, he came on WhatsApp at 7pm, read my text and ignored it. Then he came on at 8pm, 9pm and 10pm. Still didn’t reply, so at 10pm I texted him ‘ this is when I feel ignored and get upset’ with an upset emoji. He came back on WhatsApp at 11pm, didn’t even open my message or anything and that was that. AIBU to think that if you can come online every hour you can reply to a message? I know we’re going to talk later and he’s going to come up with a million excuses as to why he couldn’t reply. I’ll admit it wasn’t an important text, but it still hurts that he came online so often and ignored me, even though I sent him the text pointing out that he’s ignoring me and it upsets me. Sometimes I feel like maybe it’s my own fault, and I should stop texting him when I know he’s busy or doing something even though he’s online, and I also feel like this is a stupid reason to end a relationship over when everything else is perfect? We’ve talked about moving in together, and maybe things will get better once we live together I don’t know. Please help, don’t know what to do.

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You need to back off a little.

Really? In all honesty you come across as very needy. Its stifling - and why are you checking when he's been on? You need to give the man some space - do you have hobbies, read maybe? etc.

Wow - you wouldn't be able to cope with me as a friend.
I don't think all messages need a reply.
So it depends on the content.
But a good night is always nice.
He was busy with a friend.
Don't read too much into it.
How many messages do you send a day?

I do think it's stupid to text him when you know he's busy, he hadn't seen his friend for ages but you still texted him?
If you are not happy then end it, personally I'd end it if I was him, you come across as too needy for my liking it would drive me mad.

I suspect you’re very young, you sound it. You’re being quite clingy and needy, it’s not attractive. Back off and kindly, get a grip of yourself. You’re going to push him away.

Stop using WhatsApp, text him instead so you can’t see time stamps. I also read a message and say I’ll come back to it but forget, many people do this. It’s ridiculous to let it upset you so much.

You sound suffocating to be honest, why do you feel the need to keep track of when he’s online or not?

You are very intense.

Your DP is entitled to see his friends without you demanding interaction with him.

What is wrong with him spending a few hours with his mates & not messaging you.

If I were him I'd find your behaviour very controlling tbh.

You sound like a clingy child.

Sounds as though he has good reasons for not texting you back but why are you texting so much anyway? Seems pretty childish. Text when you have something to say, not just for the sake of it.

You come across needy and he's clearly trying to distance you. An unhealthy dynamic. Both of you would need to work on it. Not sure it's likely to be better with a different boyfriend.

Crikey. I message people all the time, especially DP, but I couldn't tell you when he was last online. He replies when he's free to do so, as do I.

This is scary and stifling. Turn off the ability to see when people were last online. You'll ruin this and future relationships otherwise.

You have very high expectations and you sound suffocating. He is allowed his own life and shouldn't need to give you hourly updates and respond constantly. It would drive me mad if my partner was monitoring when I was online and pestering me all the time.

Wow, you are being far too needy. I would honestly end a relationship with someone who acted like you are.
You need to take a step back, not everyone is constantly glued to their phone.

Sometimes I feel like maybe it’s my own fault, and I should stop texting him when I know he’s busy or doing something even though he’s online BINGO.

Please stop and think. If he is so wonderful in so many ways, why does not jumping to answer your messages make him dumpworthy? You will scare him away!

he came on WhatsApp at 7pm, read my text and ignored it. Then he came on at 8pm, 9pm and 10pm. Still didn’t reply, so at 10pm I texted him ‘ this is when I feel ignored and get upset’

ok apart from the obvious... Id say this dude may be chatting to others as a priority over you. I wouldn't be happy and I wouldn't be committed to someone like that.

I would give him a chance to change but if he kept prioritising others over me then I would get shot of him tbh.

You sound suffocating. It’s not a stupid reason for him to end the relationship over.

Why do you feel to need to text him so much? Especially when you know he is busy? It reads like you want all the attention all the time. No relationship will end well if you behave like that.

And all the checking up on him is odd. Don’t you trust him?

How long have you been together? You're coming across as incredibly needy and a bit obsessed.

Did you really check every hour to see if he'd been online?

You need a hobby/friends if that's how you spend your evenings when you're not with him.

You also need to back off before you push him away.

Are you just sitting around looking at whatsapp to see when he's been on? That is very off putting. I'd think you need a get a life/a hobby and not enter into a relationship with you. Turn the tables, get out and be the busy one-you'd be much happier believe me.

I couldn't cope with someone needing a reply all the time.

How does it end? Presuming that you expect him to constantly reply then at some point you don't reply to his - but that's ok?

You do sound hard work. Maybe you are hard work in other areas too. Perhaps that's why he's considering ending it?

Do you really sit there all evening checking when he’s online? People do that?

I reply to people when I have time or remember. Seriously you are going to push him away, chill out.

God, I felt suffocated just reading your OP. Your behavior comes across as controlling and needy.

Turn off the function that shows when you're online. This should mean you cant see when he's online either.

You have a really unhealthy situation going on if you are checking often enough to see he's online at x time, y time, z time. Do your mental health and relationship a favour, turn it off and relax.

Honestly, you sound really young, are you? This reminds me of the teenage drama I would have when I was about 17, I don't mean that to be insulting!

I think when you are talking to someone in real life, you can open a message and half-read it but replying takes more effort. That said, if he was with his friend the whole time he has no reason to keep checking WhatsApp if he isn't going to engage with it - but equally monitoring how often he came online makes me think you need something else to focus on when you're not with him. I think he is being A LITTLE unreasonable by opening WhatsApp so often if he isn't replying to you but also I think you are obsessing too much over it and if I were you I would just stop messaging unless its in reaponse to him. Do that without animosity rather than to 'teach him a lesson'. I suspect he will then ask you why you don't message him anymore, at which point you can bang your head against a brick wall

Well I might be considering dumping you if I was him. You would do my head in......