. . . to ask for a Caesarian?

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I'm only 12 weeks pregnant so probably shouldn't be worrying about this yet, but when it comes to giving birth, my instinct is telling me to ask for a Caesarian. This is because I've had a disproportionate number of friends and family experience quite traumatic births where either mother or baby (in one scary case, both) were in danger and almost died. This makes me want my baby's birth to be calm and controlled; planned and predictable.

I know it's a huge operation but it really seems to me to be safer for the baby (and me).

My primary objective is to deliver a healthy baby, not avoid labour or pain. If someone could guarantee me a safe, controlled vaginal birth then I'd do that in a heartbeat.

So AIBU to ask for a Caesarian even though there's no medical justification?

These will all be options that the consultant will discuss with you at a later stage so try not to worry at this early stage O.P and congratulations on your pregnancy!

If you do, they tend to send you to a consultant who will ask you about why. But the midwives told me that they can't say no.

Anecdotes do not equal statistics. The majority of women have straightforward births. Don’t underestimate the enormity of having abdominal surgery and the recovery after it.

You need to know exactly why they especially family had C-sections.

I have plenty of family and friends' who have had C-sections and all but one were younger than me. In my case there is absolutely no correlation in why blood family members had C-sections.

Anyway I was induced and had a vaginal delivery with no issues.

I had a cesearean and people kept trying to put me off by telling me the recovery was tough. The recovery wasn’t tough it was horrendous it took me 6 weeks to feel better.

Research and work out what is better for you and the baby. Good luck x

But that's just not true. You've heard lots of stories but it's just not true, it's far safer to have a virginal birth for both mum and baby unless a c-section is medically needed. If you have to have one that's one thing but don't pick one just because you think it's safer, it's a very big opp with lots of recovery time for some.

If you want a c section because you're frightened then you should have one and also explore what your exact fears are
I was very keen on a home birth in my first pregnancy
I got extremely ill and had my son by c section with a GA
The recovery was good. Better then people I know who had a natural delivery.
I lost all faith in any medical professionals to be honest,but this time I wouldn't even consider a VBAc I think they are dangerous
Why risk damage to bladder or bowel? I have such a fear of it.

Thank you for the advice, everyone. I have a consultant appointment in a couple of weeks (I think it's because this is an IVF baby) so I'll discuss it then and see what he/she says.

I understand that anecdotes aren't useful (and I did acknowledge that what I've seen is disproportionate and not a representative sample) but it just seems really scary that so many of these births went wrong (they didn't all have caesarians, by the way).

I know; it's too soon. I'll do more research. The thought of the actual op/recovery does worry me and it's not a decision I'd make lightly. I think it's just the planned, controlled factor that reassured me.

You’re entitled to have the birth you want so I don’t think technically they can refuse you though you best be prepared to explain it several times to several people before they sign you off for it.

As pp says - anecdotal evidence is not evidence. You’d be better to find some solid statistics and research / peer reviewed evidence to fully understand the risks associated with both CS and vaginal delivery.
The majority of births in this country are vaginal, although CS is quite high, and the majority of women and babies do not have serious complications.
Discuss it with a consultant, you have a lot of time to read up on it.

@roundligament my fear is losing my baby - it's that simple. I'll do whatever it takes to minimise that risk, whether it's a c-section or VB.

There are advantages for the baby in being born vaginally, and the recovery is (in most cases) likely to be easier and quicker.

But I do see the appeal of knowing what is going to happen and avoiding the risk of things being scary/traumatic (even though vaginal birth usually ends up fine for most mothers and babies, a lot of people end up feeling a bit crap about it I think).

I think you should think very carefully but read some proper research and don't just go off a few anecdotes from friends

Please understand that this is quite a major decision. Your reasons for not wanting a vaginal birth are very sketchy. This is not about research and statistics. I think you need to look long and hard about why you are feeling this way about a natural and often wonderful experience to bring your child into the world. A section should be considered if there is a real risk to the baby or mother. It is so sad so many women want to avoid a vaginal delivery. Without a doubt 4 of the best times of my life, even the one that was not easy

I had a c-section by maternal request with my first. If I have a second I’ll do the same again as I found it a very positive experience.

Do lots of research. For example, it does carry slightly less risk for a full term baby but there is a small increase of risk to you. And whilst I didn’t find it painful per se, it was definitely sore and I couldn’t do much for the first month. It’s also not ideal if you’re planning a large family.

Good luck making your decision, I hope you get the birth you want.

My consultant advised a caesarean for me, which I had. In her view it was the safest, calmest way to get baby here safely.

This was after a long history of multiple miscarriages, failed IVF and years of infertility.

My recovery was fine. Her concern was that an emergency section situation would have been horrendous for me to cope with mentally should the need arise.

I think there is a terrible stigma attached to having a c section especially from the natural birth police

The risk of birth injury is higher in a "natural birth" then a planned c section

Go for a planned c section if that what makes you feel safer

I know for a fact the maternity services here are totally over run and I would prefer a theatre of people to deliver my baby and look after them then an exhausted midwife who has been treated like crap all day by her patients who don't wash, are disrespectful and lazy. There are some really horrendous people round here and they grind our midwives into the ground.
If you have a c section the consultant will have been better rested before the surgery and there will be more hands on deck to sort things if they go wrong

Are you planning to have the baby under the nhs or privately

Actually C-sections are slightly less risk than vaginal for the baby in most cases, but higher risk for the woman. So it's not the case that vaginal = better, necessarily.

Giving birth is a crapshoot. You could have a straightforward vaginal birth that takes much less time to recover from than a C-section. Or you could have a horrendous vaginal birth with lifelong injuries. Obviously the latter is extreme, but it's a spectrum, and part of the anxiety around giving birth is that you don't know where on it you will fall.

I had an emergency section after being very set on a vaginal birth, but if I do give birth again it'll be an elective section. I don't fancy rolling the dice on damage down there when my section was a breeze. But that's just my experience; others have had horrible section experiences and wouldn't want one again.

Work out what you're frightened of and make your choice on that basis. I was very worried about a serious tear and as an older mother that was a substantial risk. As it turned out I needed a c-section for medical reasons (related to the baby, not some cop out on my behalf) but if you look at the NICE guidance it does clearly state that whilst the consultant can try to talk you out of it you are entitled to a c-section if you want one.

My c-section was great: beautiful, planned birth after a full night's sleep. I wasn't in very much pain afterwards and was up and walking 48 hours later. Breastfed successfully in hospital and at home afterwards. I have had surgery before, though, and I've always recovered well from it, whereas I know if you haven't had serious surgery the thought can be very scary. Not everyone recovers as easily.

Of my NCT group two women had very traumatic births with serious injuries, I had a c-section, the other 5 had perfectly normal and uneventful natural births: not much fun but nothing they wouldn't do again.

Work out what you're frightened of, if you face any particular risks, do your research, and make your decision.

I had three elective sections. The recovery was slightly more difficult each time, but I managed fine with paracetamol and the births themselves were wonderful experiences. I often find myself daydreaming about them and wishing I could do it again! Best of luck whatever you decide OP

And also I'm sure 'natural birth' is wonderful when it goes well. But tell that to the women who wet and soil themselves for years due to birth injuries. There's whole threads full of them on here

We need to start being honest about what birth, both section or vaginal, can do the body (and what risks are to the baby) and make sure women are given the correct information so they can choose what's right for them.

My baby is IVF. All was fine and at 8 months i went into labour suddenly. I was having a vaginal birth with walking epidural and could see in a mirror the top of her head. Then they realised her cord was too short as wrapped tightly round her neck twice (they later found out). So had emergency cesarian section. Not at all traumatic for me, I saw it as a necessity to save my baby's life. Full stop. I had already had an op for fibroids so already had a cesarian section scar. They just made it wider either side. The day after a section is hell. It is soooooooooooooooo painful. I nearly passed out when they sat me in the chair and had to be lifted back to bed by male nurse. The contractions were nothing compared to it. So get properly informed and discuss with your consultant pros and cons in your case, before you decide on anything. Good luck! Im sure all will be well with your little one, as it was with mine. She is ten months now and a joy.

Hi OP, I had an "elective" c section. I was referred to a consultant as I had the start of pre-natal depression. Before I was pregnant I was under 5 foot and barely 7 stone. I was convinced that I couldn't give birth, like every other woman in my maternal family. I ended up with sleepless nights and not eating properly because it was all I could think about.

In my first appointment the consultant measured my bump and found it measured small for my term. A scan followed where it showed my DS's growth had slowed - I'm convinced that he literally had no room left. I was given the go ahead and had a c section at 37 + 5.

From what I understand the midwife should refer you to a consultant (GP actually did this for me after I was being treated for depression). The consultant can decline to perform an elective c section, but you must be given the option to see other consultants until you find one who agrees.

I read somewhere that c-sections are more common for IVF pregnancies and I can totally relate to your thoughts (failed IVF here and now 30 weeks with miracle naturally conceived baby). I want the control of having a c-section and was concerned that I would find a vaginal birth traumatic - especially after having done through what was, at times, fairly brutal fertility treatment - and that would severely impact my mental health after the birth. Obviously there are risks with a c-section but they are ones that I'm much more comfortable with vs the unknown of a vaginal birth. I didn't have to jump through any hoops to get mine; consultant and midwife were 100% supportive.

C section recovery can be awful. I took 5 months. It's not a walk in the park.

I'm going for a vbac this time as my c section experience was so bad. I know I'm an extreme case but c section recovery is bloody hard. Most women have a successful vaginal delivery, that is what our bodies are designed for after all.

I'm wondering if it's a case of my being more comfortable with the known risks of a Caesarian vs the unknown risks of a vaginal birth . . .

And yes - oh my goodness, I've read some awful stories on here about women with really traumatic birth injuries that have had a huge and permanent adverse impact on their lives!

I do understand that things go wrong in a very small minority of births. However, my body has repeatedly and continually let me down over the years - I don't think I trust it to know what to do :-(

I completely understand OP. I was terribly anxious of a safe delivery following years if TTC and to me that meant a C section.
I researched everything and went armed with all the information to the consultant midwife appt where they try to persuade you to have a natural birth.
Try to obtain your Trust's policy. There will be a decision flowchart in there that staff must follow and it's useful to see this. It broadly follows the NICE guidance. (Until it gets to the part about if they still want a section let them have one. They will still try to dissuade you)
If you want a section, stick to your guns. Do not allow them to dissuade you if you think it is the right decision for you.