. . . to ask for a Caesarian?

[RedPandaFluff]

I'm only 12 weeks pregnant so probably shouldn't be worrying about this yet, but when it comes to giving birth, my instinct is telling me to ask for a Caesarian. This is because I've had a disproportionate number of friends and family experience quite traumatic births where either mother or baby (in one scary case, both) were in danger and almost died. This makes me want my baby's birth to be calm and controlled; planned and predictable.

I know it's a huge operation but it really seems to me to be safer for the baby (and me).

My primary objective is to deliver a healthy baby, not avoid labour or pain. If someone could guarantee me a safe, controlled vaginal birth then I'd do that in a heartbeat.

So AIBU to ask for a Caesarian even though there's no medical justification?

I had a VBAC. The difference in recovery time was incredible. I was out doing the grocery shop the next day.

Oh gosh, I would feel the same as you, OP. DH and I want to start trying in the next year or so, but I honestly feel like I want to speak to my GP before I’m even pregnant to ask about c-sections. I have absolutely no interest in having a natural birth. Too many variables and risk factors, and too out of control. I can’t be doing with people saying, “I know you’ll be just fine” to pregnant women Nobody has any idea how the fuck someone will do giving birth until it’s happening!

I'd do anything to put people off a C section based on my experience

See, I’d say the opposite! So we’ll never have a conclusive answer as to which is better, every one is so different. My experiences were wonderful - I’d do it again this moment, if possible! I Even my emergency section was fantastic. Everyone was calm, joking, listening to the radio, singing along. I felt absolutely amazing - euphoric is the only way I can describe it. Almost makes me want another!

I'd do anything to put people off a C section based on my experience

See, I’d say the opposite! So we’ll never have a conclusive answer as to which is better, every one is so different. My experiences were wonderful - I’d do it again this moment, if possible! I Even my emergency section was fantastic. Everyone was calm, joking, listening to the radio, singing along. I felt absolutely amazing - euphoric is the only way I can describe it. Almost makes me want another!

I'd do anything to put people off a C section based on my experience

See, I’d say the opposite! So we’ll never have a conclusive answer as to which is better, every one is so different. My experiences were wonderful - I’d do it again this moment, if possible! I Even my emergency section was fantastic. Everyone was calm, joking, listening to the radio, singing along. I felt absolutely amazing - euphoric is the only way I can describe it. Almost makes me want another!

a c-section actually was safer for the baby your consultant would suggest you have one.

C sections are marginally safer for the baby, but not the mother.
Vaginal birth is the other way round.

Do you think the safety of the baby is the only consideration for decision making? If so, how do you account for the high still birth rate in the U.K.?

As I said, I had a planned section scheduled due to tokophobia but ended up having an emcs at 35 weeks as one of my twins stopped moving. It was very frightening as it all happened very quickly (got to hospital at 17:30, babies born by 20:45). The recovery was fine - first 12 hours sucked, pain meds helped. Next day I was wheeled about in a wheelchair as my twins were in NICU. The day after that I went home, managed the stairs etc fine, just a bit slow. I was in nicu all day every day without a decent chair. Didn’t lie down during the day. After a week I forgot I’d even had surgery. I ended up with cellulitis in my knee because I was so insanely swollen from the waist down, but otherwise I was fine. I have friends who had vaginal births who still have problems 5-10 years later.

I don’t know if I could do it again. My spinal was a disaster and I’m terrified of needles - won’t go into details but it was traumatic.

Even though I have tokophobia I feel like I could handle a water birth where there are no medical staff at the business end, but there are no guarantees of that. So I think I am done having children unless they can hit me over the head with a hammer before administering the spinal. There’s no way to discuss these things before getting pregnant with a doctor who’ll guarantee anything for you, so in my case I can’t have any more.

a c-section actually was safer for the baby your consultant would suggest you have one.

C sections are marginally safer for the baby, but not the mother.
Vaginal birth is the other way round.

Do you think the safety of the baby is the only consideration for decision making? If so, how do you account for the high still birth rate in the U.K.?

As I said, I had a planned section scheduled due to tokophobia but ended up having an emcs at 35 weeks as one of my twins stopped moving. It was very frightening as it all happened very quickly (got to hospital at 17:30, babies born by 20:45). The recovery was fine - first 12 hours sucked, pain meds helped. Next day I was wheeled about in a wheelchair as my twins were in NICU. The day after that I went home, managed the stairs etc fine, just a bit slow. I was in nicu all day every day without a decent chair. Didn’t lie down during the day. After a week I forgot I’d even had surgery. I ended up with cellulitis in my knee because I was so insanely swollen from the waist down, but otherwise I was fine. I have friends who had vaginal births who still have problems 5-10 years later.

I don’t know if I could do it again. My spinal was a disaster and I’m terrified of needles - won’t go into details but it was traumatic.

Even though I have tokophobia I feel like I could handle a water birth where there are no medical staff at the business end, but there are no guarantees of that. So I think I am done having children unless they can hit me over the head with a hammer before administering the spinal. There’s no way to discuss these things before getting pregnant with a doctor who’ll guarantee anything for you, so in my case I can’t have any more.

a c-section actually was safer for the baby your consultant would suggest you have one.

C sections are marginally safer for the baby, but not the mother.
Vaginal birth is the other way round.

Do you think the safety of the baby is the only consideration for decision making? If so, how do you account for the high still birth rate in the U.K.?

As I said, I had a planned section scheduled due to tokophobia but ended up having an emcs at 35 weeks as one of my twins stopped moving. It was very frightening as it all happened very quickly (got to hospital at 17:30, babies born by 20:45). The recovery was fine - first 12 hours sucked, pain meds helped. Next day I was wheeled about in a wheelchair as my twins were in NICU. The day after that I went home, managed the stairs etc fine, just a bit slow. I was in nicu all day every day without a decent chair. Didn’t lie down during the day. After a week I forgot I’d even had surgery. I ended up with cellulitis in my knee because I was so insanely swollen from the waist down, but otherwise I was fine. I have friends who had vaginal births who still have problems 5-10 years later.

I don’t know if I could do it again. My spinal was a disaster and I’m terrified of needles - won’t go into details but it was traumatic.

Even though I have tokophobia I feel like I could handle a water birth where there are no medical staff at the business end, but there are no guarantees of that. So I think I am done having children unless they can hit me over the head with a hammer before administering the spinal. There’s no way to discuss these things before getting pregnant with a doctor who’ll guarantee anything for you, so in my case I can’t have any more.

I had an emergency csection after a failed induction and it was horrific. It was done under epidural which hadn't completely numbed me, so I felt pain rather than just being "uncomfortable" like you are told it should. I also lost 2 litres of blood so had to be put under general anaesthetic and didn't get to hold my baby until I woke up 2 hours later. Aside from the pain & discomfort afterwards, I also had sepsis and was took into hospital 5 days after my section. I was very ill, to the point that I was told that, if my mum hadn't phoned for advise because she was so worried about me and had an ambulance called out, I would have been dead by the next morning. Due to the amount of treatment I was receiving, I wasn't able to care for my baby and so for a week of being in hospital, I just cried my eyes out every night when my baby was taken home.

People will have bad experiences with both sections and natural births, they're both hard and they both come with dangers. Definitely discuss your concerns & im sure you and your midwife/consultant will make the best choices for you and your baby.

Congratulations & good luck ❤️

I felt like this with my first DC. I was petrified of the thought of labour pain.

Over time I got over it. I read the recovery time for a c section and 8 wouldn't be able to drive for 6 weeks.

I would think of young girls who had babies and tell myself, if they could do it, I could...but it kept me awake at night during stages of the pregnancy.

It's anticipation of the unknown. I didn't feel like that with my second...but the fear of pain was still there, as I knew what to expect.

Epidurals take the pain away. A great invention IMO. I felt so much better after I got it.

I felt like this with my first DC. I was petrified of the thought of labour pain.

Over time I got over it. I read the recovery time for a c section and 8 wouldn't be able to drive for 6 weeks.

I would think of young girls who had babies and tell myself, if they could do it, I could...but it kept me awake at night during stages of the pregnancy.

It's anticipation of the unknown. I didn't feel like that with my second...but the fear of pain was still there, as I knew what to expect.

Epidurals take the pain away. A great invention IMO. I felt so much better after I got it.

I felt like this with my first DC. I was petrified of the thought of labour pain.

Over time I got over it. I read the recovery time for a c section and 8 wouldn't be able to drive for 6 weeks.

I would think of young girls who had babies and tell myself, if they could do it, I could...but it kept me awake at night during stages of the pregnancy.

It's anticipation of the unknown. I didn't feel like that with my second...but the fear of pain was still there, as I knew what to expect.

Epidurals take the pain away. A great invention IMO. I felt so much better after I got it.

Sorry for double post

Not being able to drive for 6 weeks is a fallacy.
Depends on the insurance company and whether your GP signs you off.
I drove after 3 weeks for all of mine.

Also. You cannot compare an emergency c section with a planned elective section totally different fish.

If u have a fear of giving birth I wouldn't advise watching One Born Every Minute 😱 I have tokophobia and I have to change the channel even if an advert for it comes on! No way could I watch it without having a panic attack

I felt like this with my first DC. I was petrified of the thought of labour pain.

Over time I got over it. I read the recovery time for a c section and 8 wouldn't be able to drive for 6 weeks.

I would think of young girls who had babies and tell myself, if they could do it, I could...but it kept me awake at night during stages of the pregnancy.

It's anticipation of the unknown. I didn't feel like that with my second...but the fear of pain was still there, as I knew what to expect.

Epidurals take the pain away. A great invention IMO. I felt so much better after I got it.

I felt like this with my first DC. I was petrified of the thought of labour pain.

Over time I got over it. I read the recovery time for a c section and 8 wouldn't be able to drive for 6 weeks.

I would think of young girls who had babies and tell myself, if they could do it, I could...but it kept me awake at night during stages of the pregnancy.

It's anticipation of the unknown. I didn't feel like that with my second...but the fear of pain was still there, as I knew what to expect.

Epidurals take the pain away. A great invention IMO. I felt so much better after I got it.

I would never recommend a c section to anyone unless there is a medical need.

I had 3 perfect virginal births, then my 4th was breech and after a failed ECV he wouldn’t turn so I was booked in for a c section 5 days before my due date - and held my legs tightly shut so he didn’t come out bum first

What an experience I wouldn’t like again.
After 24 hours I could just about stand and hobble to the toilet, the pain in my back and stomach was excruciating and all I was sent home with was paracetamol.
I couldn’t lift my baby without DP passing him to me, I couldn’t cough, sneeze or laugh without feeling like my stomach was going to open again.
It took me a week to stand up straight and walk like I shit myself, and 2 weeks of DP helping me in and out of the shower.
Night time was horrendous, especially with breastfeeding too.
My scar is still numb with no sensation there (common after c section)

Not everyone’s experience is like this, but it is major surgery and comes with its risks.
I got sterilised at the same time (hooray)

And after a baby vis c section, you will never have such painful gas but it will be the best fart ever when it comes out i unfortunately didn’t have any peppermint tea I think it is

I would never recommend a c section to anyone unless there is a medical need.

I had 3 perfect virginal births, then my 4th was breech and after a failed ECV he wouldn’t turn so I was booked in for a c section 5 days before my due date - and held my legs tightly shut so he didn’t come out bum first

What an experience I wouldn’t like again.
After 24 hours I could just about stand and hobble to the toilet, the pain in my back and stomach was excruciating and all I was sent home with was paracetamol.
I couldn’t lift my baby without DP passing him to me, I couldn’t cough, sneeze or laugh without feeling like my stomach was going to open again.
It took me a week to stand up straight and walk like I shit myself, and 2 weeks of DP helping me in and out of the shower.
Night time was horrendous, especially with breastfeeding too.
My scar is still numb with no sensation there (common after c section)

Not everyone’s experience is like this, but it is major surgery and comes with its risks.
I got sterilised at the same time (hooray)

I had no painful gas at all post section. Everyone said it'd be awful. It wasnt.

@RedPandaFluff

Scary stats, @Buddytheelf85*. Part of me does wonder whether we've been conditioned to think that a vaginal birth is better.

I wonder what the situation would be if it were men giving birth . . . 😄*

Yes, it does make you wonder doesn’t it?! I’m not disputing that there’s a lot of research supporting the benefits of a vaginal birth (exposure to bacteria, etc) but equally it is convenient that encouraging women to have vaginal births does also fit in with the health service’s cost-cutting agenda.

I found this an interesting read:

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/mar/05/natural-childbirth-report-midwife-musketeers-morcambe-bay

Make sure you read about the negative outcomes associated with c sections. There are impacts on breastfeeding rates and immunity.

You could be me. I am the same age and I had 2 friends who had experienced still birth, one with a disabled child and two with birth related incontinence. I was eventually diagnosed with tokophobia. I had counselling at 37 weeks! For me my baby was a footling breach from 20 weeks so in the end I would have had to have a c section. I struggled with the injection but the rest was amazing. I can only wish you the best and keep talking to everyone they recommend. I had the best midwife in the hospital. My wish is that everyone has a midwife like her.

Sorry for double post