. . . to ask for a Caesarian?

[RedPandaFluff]

I'm only 12 weeks pregnant so probably shouldn't be worrying about this yet, but when it comes to giving birth, my instinct is telling me to ask for a Caesarian. This is because I've had a disproportionate number of friends and family experience quite traumatic births where either mother or baby (in one scary case, both) were in danger and almost died. This makes me want my baby's birth to be calm and controlled; planned and predictable.

I know it's a huge operation but it really seems to me to be safer for the baby (and me).

My primary objective is to deliver a healthy baby, not avoid labour or pain. If someone could guarantee me a safe, controlled vaginal birth then I'd do that in a heartbeat.

So AIBU to ask for a Caesarian even though there's no medical justification?

I had an emergency c-section but apart from the first few days, recovery was straight forward.

Knowing what I know now, I would have opted for one anyway.

Hi OP, it sounds like you have a lot of understandable worries and you are totally entitled to have the birth you feel is right for you and your baby. Have you ever considered a hypnobirthing course? There is a lot that is covered in the syllabus around choices for birth as well as practical methods that can be applied in any birth situation. They also teach a number of strategies to help cope with fear, anxiety and pain.

Good luck and best wishes for whatever you feel is right for you and your birth ☺️

You've heard lots of stories but it's just not true, it's far safer to have a virginal birth for both mum and baby unless a c-section is medically needed

No it isn’t. Vaginal birth is marginally safer for mothers. Caesarians are marginally safer for babies.

OP, I had severe tokophobia for which I was having counselling, I was having twins and I had a very hard time getting them to schedule a section - didn’t get a date until 32 weeks and ended up needing an emcs. The anxiety about vaginal birth ruined my whole pregnancy.

If this is really what you want you need to do your research - Birth Rights is a good place to start, along with the NICE guidelines. They absolutely can refuse a maternal request c section but they should refer you to someone else who will do it. Unfortunately in many areas you have to know your rights and be extremely assertive to get that far.

As for all the statistics etc, it’s all irrelevant really if you’re the one who ends up with a very traumatic birth.

@RedPandaFluff I would also recommend looking at anything written by Sarah Wickham. She is a research midwife and a massive advocate of women having the right information to make the right birth choices for them

increase in c compared to v birth with IVF babies maybe because of increased chance of multiples, age of mother, problems mother already had which caused her to need ivf in first place?

I've had both. My fanny is fine and I've no issues resulting from it. I do have a terrible c section overhang.
Ask my friends gave birth one way or the other but the one that nearly came to a sticky end was a c- section who passed out in recovery and was found to be hemorrhaging... back into theatre for 5 hours and they nearly lost her.
So based on my friendship group I'd just go for a natural delivery.

Yanbu I too have heard really traumatic experience from people who had VB and all the remaining issues. I wanted an elective and fortunately I'm not in the uk, where they are very pro choice.
In the end I had placenta previa so I had to have one anyway. It was calm, controlled and in 30 min my baby was in my arms.
The recovery is no where as horrendous as people make it out to be. I just have a tiny scar and feel as normal in the private area as before my baby.

Yanbu ask at your next midwife appointment and ask to be referred to the consultant (I'm in Scotland and you generally don't see a consultant if your pregnancy is considered low risk) and a psychiatrist if necessary. I had a c section with my 2nd because I had undiagnosed tokophobia during my first pregnancy resulting in PTSD and PND following a "normal" vaginal birth. I think mental health reasons for requesting a c section are still minimised and disregarded and wrongly so in my opinion. My c section was a good experience and recovery was no worse (physically) than my 1st. Share your fears with someone OP and best of luck x

I’ve just finished reading This is Going to Hurt by Adam Kay, which is about the experiences of a Doctor in obs and gynae.

He says, although the stat isn’t sourced, that a third of pregnant female obstetricians choose elective caesarians. Sure they see the worst but it does make you think. I was stopped in the street on holiday while heavily pregnant by an obstetrician who begged me to have one!!

I ended up having a hugely traumatic vaginal birth, lost a third of my blood and gave birth in theatre with the consultant poised over me ready to perform an EMCS as a very last resort. All this after the midwives had convinced me to have a home birth.

I am a super fit 32 year old and my recovery was slow - six months on I’m still not REALLY fully back to normal. Six weeks of no driving sounded like an eternity but I reckon it would have been a walk in the park in comparison. I’m pretty sure an elective would have been calmer all round and I’m fully ready to fight for it next time to preserve my continence and my sanity.

Also don't let people scare you with stories of emergency sections. These are a world away from planned sections and should not be compared.

I had an Elective C Section. Severe tokophobia and other issues. This was coupled with gestational diabetes and DS having to arrive early. I was offered either being induced or a c section. Midwives kept pushing at me to be induced. The consultant told them to stop and get me booked in for a c section.

Honestly, so glad she did. I recovered very quickly and it was very straightforward.

I know that people will say that it’s natural to have a vag birth. But unfortunately we aren’t designed that well for it. If c sections were not available the mother and infant mortality rate would be a lot higher than it is now

I'm a decade on and even my 3 month horrible EMCS recovery now feels like I dodged a bullet compared to other mums vaginal birth injuries.

Can you just rock up to the nhs and ask for one? Unless you’re going private though - then by all means, have what you fancy.

I had two ELCSs and my reasoning was similar to yours OP. An unproblematic VB would have been great but the risks to the baby when VB goes wrong were too much for me. CS has some risks but they are generally lesser than those of a VB gone wrong.

As it turned out I had two very straight forward ELCSs. Calm, safe, the pain was controlled and my recovery was very quick.

Whatever you do, make sure you pay zero attention to anyone who only wants to discuss the risks of one mode of birth, be it section or VB. That's the sure sign of an ideologue or a bullshitter, because there are risks to both, so the key is to work out which are most relevant to you and most acceptable.

My work brings me into contact with women who are pregnant after IVF treatment, and in my experience your feelings are completely normal and understandable for someone who has been through infertility.

As others have advised, have a read about the risks/benefits to caesareans vs vaginal birth, and the different scenarios that can occur, and mention it when you have your consultant appointment. You may find you change your mind as you get further along or you may not, but that's ok.

I ended up with forceps which was horrendous but the actual labour bit was fine. I'm v pleased I had a go at a "natural" VB. That said, if we do have another one I'll be petitioning for a Elective section from the booking in appointment!

My Elective c section was beautiful, calm and emotionally healing. Recovery was quick and easy.

My first baby was born vaginally, and whilst not as traumatic as so many other women endure, with no lasting damage, I was so shocked by it that there was no way I wanted to deliver this way again.

Both of my babies were delivered via a consultant and privately, so I was able to make the informed decision for myself without any issues.

We are going back 5 years now OP, but a great book I read at the time was Choosing Caesarian - a natural birth plan.

Get a box set of one born every minute, lots of lovely births there.
Try some counselling, I know about feeling your body can't be trusted, but unless some reason, most births end well.
Talk to your midwife and medical team, and make an informed decision

I requested and had a section, IVF baby. I work with children who are brain injured through birth and for me this was the best option. Recovery is tough but perfect manageable. Congratulations on your pregnancy and good luck

Every women I know who has had both preferred a vaginal. They said the recovery was so much easier.

Get a box set of one born every minute, lots of lovely births there.

Do not do this if you have tokophobia though!

Agree with @SinkGirl totally re OBEM or if you're in any way anxious. My consultant specifically said not to watch it.

Recovery from a straightforward vb is of course easier than a section.

Recovery from an assisted delivery or severe tear can be far worse and longer lasting.

Both have risks. Each woman should have the right to informed choice.

I tried to watch it once, didn’t even get to a birth and I threw up. Nope!