. . . to ask for a Caesarian?

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I'm only 12 weeks pregnant so probably shouldn't be worrying about this yet, but when it comes to giving birth, my instinct is telling me to ask for a Caesarian. This is because I've had a disproportionate number of friends and family experience quite traumatic births where either mother or baby (in one scary case, both) were in danger and almost died. This makes me want my baby's birth to be calm and controlled; planned and predictable.

I know it's a huge operation but it really seems to me to be safer for the baby (and me).

My primary objective is to deliver a healthy baby, not avoid labour or pain. If someone could guarantee me a safe, controlled vaginal birth then I'd do that in a heartbeat.

So AIBU to ask for a Caesarian even though there's no medical justification?

OP. Most people I know who have had infertility issues /IVF or have disabled children havechosen section for their child/subsequent child. There's a lot to be said for the control aspect and the absolute fear of things going wrong and wanting your child delivered safely after terrible trauma.
I'm not sure people who have not been through it can really understand.

How old are you? I was 40 with my second pregnancy (first was an emcs) and a big factor in pursuing a repeat section was the risk of tears and pelvic floor damage increasing dramatically the older you are. I can't quite remember the stats but I'll see if I can find the paper that my doctor SiL gave me.

As it happened, I ended up with another emcs albeit a lot less of an emergency than with dc1. Recovery for me despite my advanced maternal age was a walk in the park. She was born on the Thursday, we were discharged on the Friday (and did a 150 mile round trip to collect dc1 and show dc2 to my mum) and went out for lunch on the Saturday. No painkillers, no issues whatsoever. I was back walking dc1 and the pram 3 miles a day to preschool and back by week 2.

My SiL on the other hand still has incontinent issues 11 years post vaginal birth.

It's down to luck mostly as far as I can tell.

I'll have a look for OBEM - hopefully it's available online somewhere.

I've really appreciated reading through all the opinions - thank you to everyone who has taken the time to post, there's a lot to think about. I'll see what the consultant says but my heart is still saying c-section - mostly for the control element you've described, @Paradyning.

I'll have turned 40 by the time of the birth, @Dinosauratemydaffodils - yes, the potential damage sounds frightening!

He says, although the stat isn’t sourced, that a third of pregnant female obstetricians choose elective caesarians. Sure they see the worst but it does make you think. I was stopped in the street on holiday while heavily pregnant by an obstetrician who begged me to have one!!

This stat from Adam Kay's book is, based on my anecdotal experience, horseshit. Am a midwife and have worked with several pregnant OBs over the years. Only one chose an elective section and that was because she had GD and was predicted to have an 11lb baby (which she did have!) Most female OBs actually choose vaginal birth.

Also OP, the stories about mother and baby "almost dying" are often wildly inflated based on people's memories and perceptions. Again, anecdotally, I have been involved in three cases where a mother truly did almost die. Two involved elective CS and one involved an emergency CS with no labour. However these are anecdotes only of course! Whatever decision you make I would urge you to look at the evidence, and listen to the counsel of an experienced OB, instead of being guided by people's scare stories.

Given the choice, I’d go natural every time. The recovery from a section is horrible. I literally felt like a had boiling water sloshing around my insides the day after. I missed out on breastfeeding and bonding time with my baby as I felt so awful. My section was done for medical reasons (breach).

I’m in a similar situation OP, although I’ve been very anxious about it since getting a very abrupt brush off from my consultant about it at 28 weeks. So I’ve just ignored it since, and I’m now 34 weeks, so I think I have left it too late to jump through all the hoops the NHS will require to arrange an elective section, or to arrange one privately :(

I’m feeling very torn (no pun intended). I’ve done my hospital’s antenatal classes and love the vision of birth they sold to us - a beautiful natural water birth in a room with twinkly lights and essential oils, which is possible IF WE RELAX ENOUGH. The baby will benefit from our bacteria and from the squeezing effect of passing through the birth canal. And the recovery is much quicker than that from a section.

But the statistics do seem to tell a different story. They did say that only around 50% of mums will have a ‘straightforward’ natural birth. The other 50% will have instruments or a c-section. Plus the reason I put ‘straightforward’ in inverted commas is a ‘straightforward’ vaginal birth can easily be one where the mum suffered a fourth degree tear! (Interestingly when the midwife was talking to us about tears she said ‘around 85% of women who give birth vaginally will tear, around 75% will need stitches, but most will be fairly superficial tears. Only around 8% of women will suffer third degree tears.’ She didn’t even mention fourth degree. Or prolapses.

Plus I think the statistics show that ELCS is marginally safer for the baby (lower risk of shoulder dystocia etc).

I suppose I just think natural doesn’t necessarily equal good, because in countries where women don’t have access to sophisticated medicine, they and their babies die in utterly terrifying numbers - I think it’s around 800 women a day. If we were ‘designed’ to give birth, if giving birth was ‘inherently safe’ - then surely 800 women a day wouldn’t die doing it?

Anyway, I haven’t done either a vaginal birth or a c section so my thoughts are pretty much useless I guess. But I think it’s just a question of weighing up the risks and deciding what’s acceptable to you.

Scary stats, @Buddytheelf85. Part of me does wonder whether we've been conditioned to think that a vaginal birth is better.

I wonder what the situation would be if it were men giving birth . . . 😄

It's all a bit of a blur to be honest. I had a reaction to one of the drugs used, which meant I started shaking uncontrollably and it felt as though I was going to throw up. There was a sense of panic in the room, and furrowed brows. I felt terrified. When ds was born he was grunting and I was unable to hold him as I was still shaking badly and had lost a lot of blood. Ds was whisked off to NICU and I went to recovery, I started vomiting and had to have an ECG monitor as I had started to have chest pains. A lovely nurse bought a photo of ds who was now in NICU having cpap and antibiotics and was on a heart monitor. I finally saw him the morning after as i couldnt be moved, because I had developed an infection in my veins causing my leg to swell up, and was completely out of it. We were in for 8 days.
I took ages to feel ok, I felt like a woman sawn in half. I felt guilt that I hadn't had the calm section that I had read about on here and that despite preparing myself, I had been so surprised by every thing going wrong. It all felt so brutal. Physically I just took forever to recover - I got infections in the wound, have never recovered sensation in the scarred area and still get a pulling pain there. I think that the section has affected my bowels, which have never been the same since. I had the section because I had had 2 vaginal births with a 3rd degree tear and 2nd degree tear, but despite needing surgery for those and having some continence issues, they were 'better' births than ds's.

I should add that 8 years later d's would be diagnosed with a rare genetic syndrome, which would obviously explain some of the difficulties he had at birth.

As a pp said, all births are different and there are good sections and bad sections and good vaginal births and bad vaginal births, unfortunately you can't predict what is going to happen.

I had to have an emergency C section - its not as easy as you think! A lot of pain, long healing time - tummy blips over the scar tissue - children are not exposed to the vaginal bacteria so had digestive issues - children's infant reflexes not triggered by the journey down the birth canal, breast milk was not triggered as had not gone into labour etc etc. 12 years later I am still dealing with things related to C section.

Sorry...I know that is the longest post ever (paragraphs ran away too!), but just wanted to add. I was 41 when I had Ds, in good health and (fairly) fit. I had had dd2 and 2 at 37 and 38, after 7 years of trying, fertility treatment and 2 miscarriages, one of which resulted in cancer and a year of chemotherapy.

I think it does really depend on your NHS Trust if you are granted one. I was similar, first child, extremely anxious about giving birth and all the possibilities of complications.

I did a lot of research on my particular hospital on the rates of emcs, number of inductions that lead to CS and 3rd/4th degree tears. I was also aware of what could go wrong with a CS too. There was no hesitation and I had my elcs booked in around 32 weeks. I had no regrets what so ever in my choice. Arm yourself with all the info you need. Good luck.

@hazeyjane that sounds horrendous - you've been through such a lot. Your description of your experience is pretty frightening and definitely not the controlled, calm procedure that I'd hope for.

I’m due in August, all being well, and I honestly wish I hadn’t read this thread. I’m terrified.

Yes ittakes the effects of a C section after birth in terms of feeding and hormones is very peculiar. Your body doesn't seem to realise the baby isn't there for a couple of days.

I'd do anything to put people off a C section based on my experience.

C-sections are quite dangerous too though. You could suffer a multitude of complications with a c-section. Just like a vaginal birth it’s only control so long as it remains routine and predictable. Sadly in a minority of cases it won’t. Then it also has minor inconveniences post birth just like vaginal births, it has a long recovery time limiting mobility, it interferes with milk production, done people find the scars remain a permanent irritation, it can cause issues with future pregnancies etc. I get where you are coming from, I really do, but if a c-section actually was safer for the baby your consultant would suggest you have one.

I had a caesarean for no physical medical reason. Mine was for my mental health. I received no resistance from my midwife or consultant. Go for it if you’re sure it’s what you want and stick to your guns.

I had a c section with my second after problems due to my first vaginal birth.

It was excellent compared to my first birth.
If you want a c section, go for it. And don’t be fobbed off by maternity staff, and don’t accept a no. don’t let anyone make you feel bad and don’t feel you need to explain yourself to anyone other than the medical staff you will need to convince to grant your decision. You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone else.

That said make sure it is what you want. It is not without risk and it is not pain free. Educate yourself on the risks. The nice guidelines summarises risks of sections versus normal delivery. Try there as a first point. Be aware of positives and drawbacks for both vaginal and c section delivery so you know that you are making the right decision. Then you can assure the consultant that you have thought things through and are making an informed choice.

Good luck, whatever you decide. I wish I’d had two c sections, probably would have saved me a great deal of difficulties after my first birth. But that said I could have had a straight forward vaginal birth first time and requesting a c section wouldn’t have entered my head the second time. It’s the chance you take, so just make sure it’s an informed one!

OP I've done both ways and found c section to be far better.

I don't know if solid statistics actually exist?

Figure skewed. But what concerns me more is women signed off with no issues who actually do, but by the time they get noticed that's moved into different departments...

So no correlation to the birth.

Then there are the hidden horrors that women to shy to share, incontinence, fecal incontinence, torn vagina, prolapse Etc.

C section all the way. Controlled, calm and usually straight forward.
Unlike totally un predicable birth.

@HiJenny35 and @Bluerussian
I seriously think you should take the time to read some peer reviewed research and look up some statistics around the different methods of delivery before spouting such nonsense on a public forum frequented by pregnant women. Your blind insistence that vaginal birth is definitively superior is simply not supported by evidence.

There are risks with Caesarians, far better to give birth naturally as long as there are no problems
This little chestnut in particular really riled me. A straightforward uncomplicated vaginal birth is generally considered the least risky type of delivery, but the problem is you can't opt for one of these. Instead you choose a vaginal birth and hope for the best, knowing that the chances of requiring some kind of intervention or something going wrong is quite high even if there are no indicators of problems before you go into labour.

Also you simply cannot compare a woman labouring, faltering and rushed into emergency surgery where every second counts, contractions, baby probably stuck somewhere....to a calm stroll into theatre to begin, chatting to surgical staff

Hi OP
I totally understand the desire to try and do things in the safest way when you have something so so so very precious to you and you are so out of control.
I was terrified of giving birth for the first 4/5 months and wanted a c sec. I actually attended some jhypnobirthing classes as I wanted to help with my breathing and my state of mind during the c sec. I was that scared by just hospitals etc, and feared I’d be anxious having the operation.
I did those classes and read The Positive Birth book. That book really helped me. And between months 4-9 of the pregnancy I just slowly changed my mind. I think I was so overwhelmed when I first found out I was preganant that I transferred a lot of anxiety onto the birthing scenario. I ended up having to be induced - which was my nightmare scenario due to
Increased chances of intervention - but those classes and book helped me massively. After the pesarry I was lucky enough to go and birth naturally without any drugs or intervention.

I suppose I’m trying to say that I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with asking for c sec if you want one. But be prepared that your approach and feelings may change as the preganancy develops and stay open to that.

Congratulations on your baby!

With regard to the driving it’s not a blanket ban before 6 weeks.

With my first (emcs) we were in a different country and I had to be driving by 5 days post partum and it was fine. For my 2 electives in the UK, I rang my insurance company (it is insurance cover which may stop you driving), they said they were fine with me driving if my GP was fine, I had a telephone appointment with my GP and they asked me a few questions and then made a note that they were fine with it and that was that (I think just before 2 weeks when my husband’s paternity leave ended). A lot of people including health visitors and midwives will tell you that you can’t drive before 6 weeks but I don’t think that this is a law - talk to your insurance company. When you are able to drive is dependent on how quickly you recover.

I liked my ELCSs and would choose that route again, I understand that I was lucky with my recovery time but I liked the reduced risk to my babies and having had an emergency c-section knew that I could cope with the pain. I didn’t find it too bad - I kept on top of the pain relief in hospital and took paracetamol and ibuprofen regularly for a few days after I didn’t want to make the pain too much as I wanted it to act as a warning if I was overdoing it. I think, if you can, it’s good to get up and moving as quickly as possible - the day of the op. It felt worrying standing straight for the first time as I imagined it would pull on the wound but it was okay.

Sorry, that should say - I didn’t want to mask the pain too much

Yes, I drove when DP went back to work after 3.5 weeks. Check with your insurer. Some are happy for you to drive whenever you feel you are able.