MIL from Hell, like she's actually a Demon

[FirstTimeMummyDS88]

A few of you may remember my previous post about my situation with my DP's family, I'm not going to list every single thing that has happened between us because it would take me about 3 days but I'll just post about the latest argument

So due to a load of arguments and frankly disgusting comments about myself from my partners family but mostly his mother I have gone completely NC with his family, I allowed visitation 5pm-7pm in a Tuesday every week and a few hours every weekend, PIL would call DP when outside and he would take DS out to car and same when they brought DS home so I don't have to see them. Anyway almost 2 weeks ago now I got a text from my DP's cousin saying she was looking forward to seeing me and DS that afternoon, without going into too much detail about all the drama I explained I wouldn't be going but I was glad MIL was taking DS to visit cousin and her DC, during the course of the conversation cousin mentioned that MIL was taking my DS to cousins house to have his hair cut, this was arranged completely without mine or DP knowledge and I was furious, mostly because it's his first haircut and when he is ready for a haircut I feel me and his dad should be the ones to take him. A few MN users suggested cousin maybe knew that it was behind my back and that's why she text (was unusual for her to text me) I have since spoken to cousin again (her child was in hospital so I rang to see how her DD was) cousin confirmed she felt uneasy doing the haircut without speaking to me but she also told me that MIL has been calling me all sorts behind my back and has stated "I will have my boys back with me before Christmas" meaning my DP and my DS, this was all discussed in front of my DS who yes may be a baby now and not understand but he eventually will and I do not trust her to not speak negatively in front of him.

I have sat my DP down and now told him that the Tuesday contact will be stopped and that if she wants DS on a weekend for a few hours then my DP must also go with them, she is not to have my DS unsupervised. DP seems to have located his spine suddenly because he actually completely supported me and agreed (think he was fuming other family now also been dragged into it)

Now my MIL is threatening to call social services on me (I'm emotionally abusing my DS by keeping him away from his family) and she will be seeking legal advice about taking me to court for visitation, I will post this in the legal section too but I was just wondering if anyone has any experience with social services or grandparents rights

Surely this mental woman can't get legal unsupervised time with my child?

It also sounds to me like you really wanted your DS to have a relationship with his loving gran.. and sorry that she was too toxic for that to be realized . Your DS will get lots of love from elsewhere but nothing replaces the security he needs around his mother and father which would be ruined if grandmother spits her toxicity around him as he gets older..

Definitely move!

She has now threatened you to legally steal your child and cost you thousands. I'd tell your DH that either you children never ever see his mother again or you'll divorce. I could never look at a man again who would place his children and wife in that situation

But are you sure that the cousin is telling the truth? Can anyone else verify that, about MIL saying she'll have her boys back? Because if MIL is nasty to you she may be nasty to the cousin as well, and the cousin might be stirring.

I remember your previous post.

Your MIL is like a malignant cancer. Given her behaviour I wouldn’t want her anywhere around your son given her volatility.

Social services are hardly likely to side with your MIL on this. It’s not unreasonable for you to tell your husband that he needs to be present when your MIL has DS. However, I would be very very concerned about your MIL poisoning your DH against you. She has admitted to a third party that she wants to break up your family.

That is utterly evil. I wouldn’t allow my child with someone as batshit crazy and evil as that woman.

You need to completely block her. She is trying to break up your family. At some point your DH is going to choose sides.

She wants this. I don’t know what the best thing is for you to do at all.

Any reaction by you will cause another action by her.

Keep us posted on her??

I was going to say, is this the woman who works at a hospital and accessed your details and changed pregnancy appointments without your permission but I’ve seen your update that it is. She has been so far out of line it’s gobsmacking, I’d have been beyond livid.

But to your actual question, you and DH saying that she can see your son every weekend with your DH there is not going to look at all unreasonable. He’ll be seeing his grandma every weekend for a few hours, and his dad will be there at the time? Sounds like a pretty generous amount of contact anyway to me, plenty of GPs won’t see GC every week, and loads won’t see young GC on their own, and it’s not emotionally abusive!

I just saw you say you won't stop her seeing him.
You really need to. Google GPR they do exist. And the main sticking point is a pre existing relationships with the child.
They are incredibly hard to achieve but why the hell would you give her any argument?!

I had a granny that i never saw/spoke to until i was 15, as she lived overseas and didn't have much interest in us. My other granny and grandad lived about 40 minutes drive away, we saw them about every two weeks and they NEVER saw us without my mum present (their choice, i think). I don't think its affected me too much.

@CountArthursgroupie

The cousins partner and mother were also in the room when it was said and have backed her up

If the granny is that toxic ds is 100 times better off without him in his life.
It is a shame but she's brought it entirely on herself.

I'm not a lawyer but a quick internet search can tell me that she has no automatic rights but can apply to court for access:
researchbriefings.parliament.uk/ResearchBriefing/Summary/CDP-2017-0120

So, my advice would be to seek legal advice and explain to a solicitor the situation. I think a strongly worded letter from a solicitor may set her straight but if she is as formidable as she is coming across in your messages, it may need something stronger, which could come in the form of your DH, her DS, standing up to her saying "If you continue down this path, we will be left with no option but to move and to sever all communication with you. You are unstable and someone we no longer want or need in our lives".

Best of luck to you with it all.

Tbh, I'd report the bitch for massive data breaches too.

And for trying to get into the neo natal unit,

She doesnt deserve your protection.

Would you not consider her not seeing DS unless you're there rather than partner.

I know you don't want to see her but you will have more control

@Meccacos

She is literally the only thing me and my partner fight about and she knows it. It's almost like she continues to wind me up to cause fights between us. I have told him now that it's my way or no way from now on and if he can't handle that then he is free to go home to mummy

@Jaimemai

The child won’t even remember the grandparent. Best to cut the string now. Her priority is her family - the MIL is trying to break up her family. It’s in the best interests of the child to have both parents. The MIL is not acting in the best interests of the child. She thinks if her son leaves her daughter in law she will somehow have custody of both her son and her grandson.

Do you see how absolutely bat-shit crazy this is?

@WhatchaMaCalllit

DP has said if she goes through with her SS threat then he will never see her again

Only problem with you splitting up is that there will be even more access...

Not my area of law but my understanding is that grandparents have an extremely difficult time forcing visitation rights.

It's a two stage process - they have to ask the court for permission to apply before they can even make the proper application. My understanding is that they are rarely successful, and it sounds like you of course have some good evidence to show that unsupervised visits would be inappropriate.

I remember your thread about the hospital, she is one seriously unhinged woman.
I wouldn’t let her have any contact with my child unless I was there to supervise. Bad mouthing you in front of your child is unforgivable.
I know you don’t want to see her but she is just not to be trusted.

The fact she bloody uttered it should be enough!!!! You need to grow a pair and start seeing this bitch for who she is! You need to get mad and protect your child.

Ps given what she's done she doesn't have a leg to stand on. You should report her for accessing your records if you haven't already. What a psycho.

Best thing may be to let her go ahead with the SS threat & then everyone, including your DH, can see how awful she is.

I have contacted a solicitor and have an appointment on Friday morning to get some advice

@FirstTimeMummyDS88 Op this woman literally sounds word for word like my MIL!! It is all about HER not what is best for her grandchild not what will make DS & DGS happy but what will make HER happy.

You are doing the right thing only allowing contact with DP around! My DN was 6 when my MIL told her "mummy's going to die if she keeps going on sunbeds"

Some people are just sick in the head trust me your son does NOT need this woman in his life, my DD doesn't see MIL and neither will my DS, she is way to toxic and I don't want that kind of person around my kids.

If I was you honestly Id tell her she has had her last chance by making threats and you cant wait for social services to come round and compliment how great of a mother you are, also for her to have a nice life 😁 but then again my DH doesn't speak to MIL either now as she disrespected me! no were near the level your MIL disrespected you though 🙄💐