MIL from Hell, like she's actually a Demon

[FirstTimeMummyDS88]

A few of you may remember my previous post about my situation with my DP's family, I'm not going to list every single thing that has happened between us because it would take me about 3 days but I'll just post about the latest argument

So due to a load of arguments and frankly disgusting comments about myself from my partners family but mostly his mother I have gone completely NC with his family, I allowed visitation 5pm-7pm in a Tuesday every week and a few hours every weekend, PIL would call DP when outside and he would take DS out to car and same when they brought DS home so I don't have to see them. Anyway almost 2 weeks ago now I got a text from my DP's cousin saying she was looking forward to seeing me and DS that afternoon, without going into too much detail about all the drama I explained I wouldn't be going but I was glad MIL was taking DS to visit cousin and her DC, during the course of the conversation cousin mentioned that MIL was taking my DS to cousins house to have his hair cut, this was arranged completely without mine or DP knowledge and I was furious, mostly because it's his first haircut and when he is ready for a haircut I feel me and his dad should be the ones to take him. A few MN users suggested cousin maybe knew that it was behind my back and that's why she text (was unusual for her to text me) I have since spoken to cousin again (her child was in hospital so I rang to see how her DD was) cousin confirmed she felt uneasy doing the haircut without speaking to me but she also told me that MIL has been calling me all sorts behind my back and has stated "I will have my boys back with me before Christmas" meaning my DP and my DS, this was all discussed in front of my DS who yes may be a baby now and not understand but he eventually will and I do not trust her to not speak negatively in front of him.

I have sat my DP down and now told him that the Tuesday contact will be stopped and that if she wants DS on a weekend for a few hours then my DP must also go with them, she is not to have my DS unsupervised. DP seems to have located his spine suddenly because he actually completely supported me and agreed (think he was fuming other family now also been dragged into it)

Now my MIL is threatening to call social services on me (I'm emotionally abusing my DS by keeping him away from his family) and she will be seeking legal advice about taking me to court for visitation, I will post this in the legal section too but I was just wondering if anyone has any experience with social services or grandparents rights

Surely this mental woman can't get legal unsupervised time with my child?

No advice. Just sad for you that you are dealing with such a nasty situation.

GPs have no rights to GCs BUT your partner presumably has PR and as such, if he choses to take his child to see his family, there is nothing you can do to stop him.

I wouldnt normally get up tight about things like a hair cut, but in this instance MIL is deliberately trying to provoke you.

@Jaimemai

I haven't stopped her seeing him I have just said it has to be supervised by my partner

Let her, ss won’t be interested. They’ve heard it all before.

Jaimemai Firstly, OP hasn't said she's stopping contact altogether - just making sure it's supervised by her DH from now on.

Secondly, don't you think it would be more damaging for the child to hear the constant drip drip drip of poison from his grandmother about his own parents?

I disagree Jaimemai, the mil has proven that she is unable to put her issues with op aside during the short while she is with the child, can you imagine the damage caused by hearing his GM badmouthing his mum all the time?

is she aware that cutting a child 's hair without permission might be considered assault? (seem to remember hearing something about this somewhere?? is this correct fellow mn's?)

Glad the cousin realised what was going on and that your dh found his spine. As a grandchild of grandparents who hated their dil/sil and never held back in the slagging off stakes I'm also glad you're going for supervised only contact. Grandparents are great when they're good grandparents. Not all are sadly.

If it was just the haircut then it wouldn't be such an issue but it's just the straw that has broke the camels back so to speak. If it wasn't his first haircut and I knew she was visiting cousin (who is a hairdresser) I may have said while your there see if she will give his hair a trim. Is just because it's his first haircut and also because I actually don't want his hair cutting yet, me and my partner both love his curls

I am not saying she can't see her grandson I am just saying it has to be with my DP there. I am totally thinking of my child first, I grew up without my grandparent and I want him to know his family which is why I think I've let this go on so long but she cannot be trusted not to badmouth me and my family to people around my son or even my son when he's older and surely it's more damaging to him to have his little head filled with such negativity and hate.

My mother stopped me seeing my grandmother and it hurt me badly. They did not get on but my grandmother was always incredibly loving to me.

But if your gran was playing you off against your mum - "Come to granny, oh yes I love you so much, have a sweetie, I'm so much nicer than your mean old mum who makes you eat your greens and sends you to bed, aren't I? You want to come with granny not nasty old mummy, don't you?" - then your mum has every right to end such a toxic relationship, however "loving" it seemed from your end.

Wow this is some toxic woman. OP protect your son from her

For those who are saying the DC will be damaged by not having a relationship with his GM, how damaged will he be if his GM gets her avowed wish to break up his parents relationship?
Also can we be sure given the GM’s previous narcissistic and possessive behaviour that she is in fact a positive person in this young child’s life?

I think your stance is right OP. ot wouldn't be healthy for your DS to hear that. Also, loads of kids don't have GPs, or don't have relationships with them. If that's the situation kids are in from an early age, it becomes the norm and isn't really missed.

I think you are doing the right thing. She shouldn't have unsupervised visits. If it were me I would have her over to the house with DP there while I pottered about cleaning so I was in earshot as I wouldn't trust her to start manipulating DP.

Anyone think of the child in this? That he would miss his granny

As a child who visited granny who was toxic, bad mouthed my parent to the face of the other parent whilst we were in the same room and no we were certainly not babies, I applaud the parent who protects their child from this sort of behaviour.

It makes you see a parent as having no spine in defending their spouse and your other parent. It makes you hate the granny and her toxic bullshit and you are forced to go because they are a blood relation. It does not make it right. She finally died when I was 18.

OP, let her do that, leave her to it. She is clearly not a very nice person. Just hope your DP has your back in all of this as you are not there to defend yourself.

I think you are being extremely kind by still wanting supervised contact with your son, I applaud you for that. Hats off

Stop all contact now. Your dp supports your decision, and quite right too!

Be careful that cousin doesn’t turn into a flying monkey. It’s good she contacted you re the hair cut. Stay on good terms at a distance.

The woman is nucking futs. He won't even remember she exists if you move..... just saying.

it matter if the granny is like she is to the dm and is going to slowly fitter poison against the mum into this.
and this mil sounds like she would be the kind of gran that would be doing this to the little boy.so yes put the needs of the child first but she cant act the horrid way she is and expect respect and visitation!
she has been abusing the op for months.would you still say a man should see the kids if he was aiming the same vile shit at the op as the gran is.she is being horrid!

it matter if the granny is like she is to the dm and is going to slowly fitter poison against the mum into this.
and this mil sounds like she would be the kind of gran that would be doing this to the little boy.so yes put the needs of the child first but she cant act the horrid way she is and expect respect and visitation!
she has been abusing the op for months.would you still say a man should see the kids if he was aiming the same vile shit at the op as the gran is.she is being horrid!

We got on quite well when I first met my partner (almost 5 years ago now). When we moved in together it started to sour, she got annoyed when we viewed houses without her and I came home from work one evening to find she had let herself in with the emergency key and was going through my bank statements (she wanted to make sure her son wasn't shacking up with someone with a load of debt or he wasn't being stuck with all the bills, her words, I actually earn more than her son)

Then when we got engaged it again got worse, she drew up a guest list and made a seating plan for my wedding, I knew around 30% of the list. She was also furious I didn't ask SIL to be bridesmaid (SIL lives in Australia at that point I had never met her)

Then along comes DS and she went full on crazy mode, she works in hospital and changed appointments to suit her and would just walk in the room mid appointment (I know I could have reported this but I just couldn't stand another fight at the time as I was pregnant). My son was born early due to a growth restriction (she blames me) and had to spend some time in Neo Natal unit, she tried to get in to Neo Unit to hold him before I did when I was in recovery a bit longer due to complicated C-Section

This is not just about a haircut, this is about the fact she fights me on every single decision I make for my child from when I was comfortable him staying out overnight to where is cot it placed in his room (she moved his nursery around when I was still in hospital after having him) I know these things may seem small to some people but theses are just a few examples I could literally go on for days

I'd stop contact altogether.

She may love him but she obviously hates you more if she is happy to bad mouth you in front of him. He maybe a baby now, but he'll pick things up eventually.

That will give his emotional wellbeing a blow.

The only one at risk of emotionally abusing your son is his grandmother.

She's not a loving granny!

Are some people reading a different thread?

She wants the parents to split up and she says horrible things about the mother in front of the child!

Whilst a loving relationship with grandparents is fantastic for all concerned, many children don't have grandparents at all and manage just fine.

I think your partner needs to go one step further and walk out of his mum bad mouths you infront of your dc. So horrible, and NOT a “loving granny”. “Loving grannies” don’t try to get “her” boys back. How nasty