MIL from Hell, like she's actually a Demon

[FirstTimeMummyDS88]

A few of you may remember my previous post about my situation with my DP's family, I'm not going to list every single thing that has happened between us because it would take me about 3 days but I'll just post about the latest argument

So due to a load of arguments and frankly disgusting comments about myself from my partners family but mostly his mother I have gone completely NC with his family, I allowed visitation 5pm-7pm in a Tuesday every week and a few hours every weekend, PIL would call DP when outside and he would take DS out to car and same when they brought DS home so I don't have to see them. Anyway almost 2 weeks ago now I got a text from my DP's cousin saying she was looking forward to seeing me and DS that afternoon, without going into too much detail about all the drama I explained I wouldn't be going but I was glad MIL was taking DS to visit cousin and her DC, during the course of the conversation cousin mentioned that MIL was taking my DS to cousins house to have his hair cut, this was arranged completely without mine or DP knowledge and I was furious, mostly because it's his first haircut and when he is ready for a haircut I feel me and his dad should be the ones to take him. A few MN users suggested cousin maybe knew that it was behind my back and that's why she text (was unusual for her to text me) I have since spoken to cousin again (her child was in hospital so I rang to see how her DD was) cousin confirmed she felt uneasy doing the haircut without speaking to me but she also told me that MIL has been calling me all sorts behind my back and has stated "I will have my boys back with me before Christmas" meaning my DP and my DS, this was all discussed in front of my DS who yes may be a baby now and not understand but he eventually will and I do not trust her to not speak negatively in front of him.

I have sat my DP down and now told him that the Tuesday contact will be stopped and that if she wants DS on a weekend for a few hours then my DP must also go with them, she is not to have my DS unsupervised. DP seems to have located his spine suddenly because he actually completely supported me and agreed (think he was fuming other family now also been dragged into it)

Now my MIL is threatening to call social services on me (I'm emotionally abusing my DS by keeping him away from his family) and she will be seeking legal advice about taking me to court for visitation, I will post this in the legal section too but I was just wondering if anyone has any experience with social services or grandparents rights

Surely this mental woman can't get legal unsupervised time with my child?

How many putrid messages did you get over the weekend? She’s used to seeing him on the weekend, right? Has DH been spammed?

@justilou1

I've got her phone number blocked now so she can't contact me and she's never been given the land line number so I've been quite feee thankfully. She did text DP yesterday saying she will miss "her boys" this weekend. Then she rang DP this morning at 8am and woke him up (he was having a lie in cos it's Father's Day). She said "I thought you might want to wish your Dad a happy Fathers Day". Then proceeded to ask him what presents I got him when DP said I haven't opened them yet she said oh let me know when you have, he hasn't called him back,he may have text her I'm not going to ask and have her spoil our day

Then she rang DP this morning at 8am
the solution to that is to route all calls from her straight to voicemail, if she leaves a message then he can reply by text at a time that suits him, if she doesnt leave a msg assume that it wasnt important or assume she 'pocket dialed' by mistake
job done :o

Yes, he should set up a "do not disturb" on his phone - mine can do it by different days, I expect most phones can - so that he can have an undisturbed lie in. I have mine on from 11-8 on weekdays, and til 9am on weekends.

It’s a good point to divert her calls by PP however my MIL would then drive down to our home to ask why he’s not returning her calls 😱 Is she close enough to do that? Wouldn’t put it past her.

my MIL would then drive down to our home to ask why he’s not returning her calls
wtf!
then again, pretend to be out, she'll surely give up after a few goes?

I don't think DP would be willing to do the divert call thing because his mother had a heart condition and had a heart attack just over 5 years ago now and his father suffered a stroke 3 years ago, so I can understand him not wanting to do that. He did actually tell her off for calling so early for something so silly and that at his age he is perfectly capable of calling his dad to wish him a happy Father's Day without needing reminding

Ugh! She’s a piece of work!!! Bet his poor dad wanted a lie-in too!!! Glad he told her off!

So weekend had been quiet really sorry from the early morning call yesterday. This morning DP was getting ready for work while I was giving the baby his breakfast. SIL sent a message saying she wants to Skype with DP and DS at some point this week, so DP said "yeah sure I'll let you know when we're free, probably be early on weekend before we go out for his birthday"
Obviously with her living in Australia it's awkward with the time difference by the time he's home from work so it is usually on weekends they Skype. SIL then replies "just make sure she's not around"
DP actually was fuming, had to remind him not to raise his voice in front of baby although I have to admit it was actually nice that he is finally seeing what I've been saying for years. He sent something back along the lines of "am I supposed to send her to her room or kick her out of her own fucking house"
They were arguing via messages when he left for work because she complained that he "never sticks up for his family anymore"

Do they not understand that you are his family too!

Sil is the flying monkey.

Your DP is sticking up for his family. His DS. The most important family member there should be to him.

if I was your husband I would just laugh at sister-in-law and then make sure that you were there front and centre at the Skype call

He is sticking up for his family . That is, his ds and dp (you)

He should reply saying just that. And repeat as required probably frequently

SIL is a loon

"just make sure she's not around"

The only reasonable response to that is

'Speak like that about my wife and the mother of my son again and you'll be out of my life for good.'

And if he found the strength to do that, then do you know what would happen? SIL would shut the fuck up and toe the line. She feels she's got free rein to say utterly insulting things like that to him, about his wife, so unsulting her BROTHER - because he doesn't pull her up on it.

He needs to think that one through.

Oh and there should be no skype call, in your house, involving your son, with someone who has just spoken about you like that.

No. Your child. Nobody who thinks it's ok to invade your home and try and divide and conquer within your own family should have any access to your child.

If your DH has even half a ball he needs to message her saying - 'There'll be no skype call this week, and no calls at all until we get an apology for your comment. If you can't respect [DS's] mother then I fail to see how you can have any sort of relationship with him anyway, so what's the point?'

Yay for DH getting with the programme!!! I’m so happy for you!!! (Don’t want to be the voice of doom, but if his family start playing nice for a while, he will forget and things might slip back again. Just be watchful! *Voice of experience!)

but if his family start playing nice for a while, he will forget and things might slip back again. Just be watchful!

I totally agree with this concern. But what can she do? How can she be watchful.

These people give me the bloody rage they’re toxic

Remind him? My DH has conveniently “forgotten” the shit flying from my MIL.... it’s started again, of course.

What fizzy said. I’m glad he’s finally seeing what’s going on, he needs to keep seeing. Good luck

YOU are his family!

Hope you have a quiet in law free weekend!

She sounds like a right loon! Personally I would be looking to go complete no contact, and also would consider moving house just so she no longer had your address! 😂

How are you doing OP?

I would show this thread to your DP.

I think that you are correct to seek professional advice as these people have zero boundaries. It’s not about managing them they are too challenging for that. The advice about where and when they step into stalking and harassment behaviour is important. It is a crime with consequences that requires police to manage - they are way beyond needing a gentle reminder of social boundaries to keep in line.

Keep records and evidence. NC will be the best option.

You and your little family need a calm and peaceful home where you are both 100% focused on your DC. These people are polluting this even when they are not there. You are under threat, hyper vigilant not knowing what she will do next. This is wasted negative emotional headspace preoccupying Yo

@ClareIsland

To be over the moon my DP has finally took his balls out of Mummy's handbag and told her where to go http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/3635012-to-be-over-the-moon-my-dp-has-finally-took-his-balls-out-of-mummy-s-handbag-and-told-her-where-to-go

Oh lovely you've missed a lot haha