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AIBU?

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Original poster

MIL from Hell, like she's actually a Demon

350 replies

FirstTimeMummyDS88 · 12/06/2019 08:22

A few of you may remember my previous post about my situation with my DP's family, I'm not going to list every single thing that has happened between us because it would take me about 3 days but I'll just post about the latest argument

So due to a load of arguments and frankly disgusting comments about myself from my partners family but mostly his mother I have gone completely NC with his family, I allowed visitation 5pm-7pm in a Tuesday every week and a few hours every weekend, PIL would call DP when outside and he would take DS out to car and same when they brought DS home so I don't have to see them. Anyway almost 2 weeks ago now I got a text from my DP's cousin saying she was looking forward to seeing me and DS that afternoon, without going into too much detail about all the drama I explained I wouldn't be going but I was glad MIL was taking DS to visit cousin and her DC, during the course of the conversation cousin mentioned that MIL was taking my DS to cousins house to have his hair cut, this was arranged completely without mine or DP knowledge and I was furious, mostly because it's his first haircut and when he is ready for a haircut I feel me and his dad should be the ones to take him. A few MN users suggested cousin maybe knew that it was behind my back and that's why she text (was unusual for her to text me) I have since spoken to cousin again (her child was in hospital so I rang to see how her DD was) cousin confirmed she felt uneasy doing the haircut without speaking to me but she also told me that MIL has been calling me all sorts behind my back and has stated "I will have my boys back with me before Christmas" meaning my DP and my DS, this was all discussed in front of my DS who yes may be a baby now and not understand but he eventually will and I do not trust her to not speak negatively in front of him.

I have sat my DP down and now told him that the Tuesday contact will be stopped and that if she wants DS on a weekend for a few hours then my DP must also go with them, she is not to have my DS unsupervised. DP seems to have located his spine suddenly because he actually completely supported me and agreed (think he was fuming other family now also been dragged into it)

Now my MIL is threatening to call social services on me (I'm emotionally abusing my DS by keeping him away from his family) and she will be seeking legal advice about taking me to court for visitation, I will post this in the legal section too but I was just wondering if anyone has any experience with social services or grandparents rights

Surely this mental woman can't get legal unsupervised time with my child?

OP posts:
pepperpot99 · 12/06/2019 16:30

I can hardly believe how awful they are Shock. Your MIL is seriously verging on lunatic stalker psychopath territory. Good luck Op.

Ellie56 · 12/06/2019 16:33

The more you post OP the more Shock I feel on your behalf. This woman is seriously unhinged and needs to be stopped.

Yes you should contact the hospital about her accessing your records. This is well out of order and she will continue doing it. She is probably also accessing the records of your DP, DS and other members of the family too.

Everyone's medical records are strictly private and confidential.She has no right to snoop in this way and is behaving unethically and unlawfully.

And stop them letting themselves uninvited into your house. Take the key off them or change the locks.

Lizzie48 · 12/06/2019 16:38

The MIL is one person about whom it's not exaggerating to say that she has NPD. It's a term that's overused on here but in this case it's apt. You definitely need to keep your DS away from her. If she threatens you with SS, just ignore or say, 'Do your worst'. It won't get her anywhere.

LakieLady · 12/06/2019 16:44

She's toxic.

It's never a good idea to let small children have access to toxic substances people.

LakieLady · 12/06/2019 16:55

You really do need to report her too about the data breach that's very serious.

I agree with this. She could be looking up your (and your DS's) records every bloody 5 minutes if she isn't stopped. I'd hate the thought of knowing that someone who had it in for me could access my records.

And what's to stop her accessing the records of anyone else who's pissed her off? It's a massive abuse of position imo. She's no right to be in a job where she has access to that sort of information imo.

MidsomerBurgers · 12/06/2019 17:05

Please report her to the hospital saying you think she has accessed your medical records. Let them deal with it. Should keep her busy for a while.

Then just ignore her, let your DH deal with her.

MsPavlichenko · 12/06/2019 17:11

I'd also try and stop myself thinking/ referring to her seeing DC as access or vsitation. These terms are used in the main to describe arrangements for children to see parents who live apart from then.

Whosorrynow · 12/06/2019 17:16

Later I got a message from SIL saying I upset her father, I make him uncomfortable in my home....
woah, how do you restrain yourself??
I'd have just launched a right hook and then followed up with...
not really, but if anyone spoke to me like that they wouldnt get another shot

smallereveryday · 12/06/2019 17:23

Actually ANYONE can apply to a court for 'leave' to approach a court for contact with a child. So an unscrupulous solicitor could well take her money off her.

'Leave' is the first stage where the family court look to see if the child has had a long, sustained regular relationship with the child. (Suppose your dc and you had lived with MIL for 2 yrs since birth and had regular sole car 5 days a work while mum worked - then she meets a bloke and 6 weeks later moves in with him 500 miles away) That type of involvement, maybe a little less.. then the court would probably allow her to apply for a CAO and get it.. but it would still be a fight..

What is her level of weekly contact with your DC

smallereveryday · 12/06/2019 17:24
  • with the applicant
Queenoftheashes · 12/06/2019 17:25

Ok I’ve now read all the updates, I shouldn’t have said keep to the supervised visits, I agree with all those yelling NC. Your stories and these people are unbelievable.

TreeSunset · 12/06/2019 17:25

OP I remember yours posts about MIL and tying to pre empt her being at the birth.

You need to go NC, stop calling it access and visitation, it isn’t either. But most importantly go through PALs at the hospital and say you need to investigate a possible serious breach. She’s probably been doing worse. And they need to check exactly who is looking at your stuff as she’s probably been clever and waited until a colleague’s logged on and then looked under their name etc

LakieLady · 12/06/2019 17:25

I got a message from SIL saying I upset her father, I make him uncomfortable in my home why should he need inviting or permission to come and see his grandson

[shocked]

Because it's your home. Because it's disrespectful. Because he has no bloody right!

I'm getting damn near speechless. They are barking, and have no boundaries.

Who the fuck do they think they are?

IABUQueen · 12/06/2019 17:26

Omg your are a saint... I faced a lot less than this and reacted a lot more dramatically than you did.. I had no idea there were in laws that trump mine

Blinktwice2 · 12/06/2019 20:04

I would absolutely contact the hospital administration and say you would believe your records have been accessed by unauthorised personnel and would like to find out (under an FOI - freedom of information request) who has accessed your records, between X date and X date.

THIS OP. DO THIS.

Orangeballon · 12/06/2019 20:32

Cut all contact before she drives you insane.

Blinktwice2 · 12/06/2019 20:43

No one can put up with so much shit and bullying for years OP. You will breakdown after a point. When you do, she will start destroying your marriage from the other side by encouraging your DP to leave you.

NEVER fight with your DH because of them. That’s all they want. Try to have constructive meaningful discussions without accusing him of anything. Don’t talk about the person, talk about behaviour. That way he won’t become defensive. Don’t use words like “your family” when you talk about them. His family is you and your DS.

Whisky2014 · 12/06/2019 20:45

This is just silly now. Would anyone, after all that the OP has said this family have done, really allow their child to see them?
And why be open to them seeing him?
Why bother with a solicitor right now? She's making threats which are probably empty. Id just go NC, don't see the point in dragging it all out. They're hardly gona change.

TooManyPaws · 12/06/2019 20:45

Definitely contact the hospital regarding access to your records. It's a huge breach of confidentiality. I work with similarly confidential records and it's a sacking offence because of how serious it is. I can't even look at my own records.

Cherrysoup · 12/06/2019 20:45

Don’t put anything in writing.

Report her to the hospital for her persistent data/confidentiality breaches.

Don’t allow your DP to take your DS to see her in any kind of regular pattern: you don’t want to establish a pattern to which she can then demand you stick.

I reckon she will make a malicious report to SS which means your DP will have to uphold his contact of nc. She will shoot herself in the foot, just give her time, she won’t be able to help herself and will think she will win because she has a hugely inflated opinion of herself. She will not win.

Whisky2014 · 12/06/2019 20:46

This is just silly now. Would anyone, after all that the OP has said this family have done, really allow their child to see them?
And why be open to them seeing him?
Why bother with a solicitor right now? She's making threats which are probably empty. Id just go NC, don't see the point in dragging it all out. They're hardly gona change.

Cherrysoup · 12/06/2019 20:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn - duplicate post.

Whisky2014 · 12/06/2019 20:46

This is just silly now. Would anyone, after all that the OP has said this family have done, really allow their child to see them?
And why be open to them seeing him?
Why bother with a solicitor right now? She's making threats which are probably empty. Id just go NC, don't see the point in dragging it all out. They're hardly gona change.

Cherrysoup · 12/06/2019 20:47

Don’t put anything in writing.

Report her to the hospital for her persistent data/confidentiality breaches.

Don’t allow your DP to take your DS to see her in any kind of regular pattern: you don’t want to establish a pattern to which she can then demand you stick.

I reckon she will make a malicious report to SS which means your DP will have to uphold his contact of nc. She will shoot herself in the foot, just give her time, she won’t be able to help herself and will think she will win because she has a hugely inflated opinion of herself. She will not win.

Jaimemai · 12/06/2019 20:54

The father is obviously terrible for walking in, but who gave him a key?

You dont marry a person, you marry their family.

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