MIL from Hell, like she's actually a Demon

[FirstTimeMummyDS88]

A few of you may remember my previous post about my situation with my DP's family, I'm not going to list every single thing that has happened between us because it would take me about 3 days but I'll just post about the latest argument

So due to a load of arguments and frankly disgusting comments about myself from my partners family but mostly his mother I have gone completely NC with his family, I allowed visitation 5pm-7pm in a Tuesday every week and a few hours every weekend, PIL would call DP when outside and he would take DS out to car and same when they brought DS home so I don't have to see them. Anyway almost 2 weeks ago now I got a text from my DP's cousin saying she was looking forward to seeing me and DS that afternoon, without going into too much detail about all the drama I explained I wouldn't be going but I was glad MIL was taking DS to visit cousin and her DC, during the course of the conversation cousin mentioned that MIL was taking my DS to cousins house to have his hair cut, this was arranged completely without mine or DP knowledge and I was furious, mostly because it's his first haircut and when he is ready for a haircut I feel me and his dad should be the ones to take him. A few MN users suggested cousin maybe knew that it was behind my back and that's why she text (was unusual for her to text me) I have since spoken to cousin again (her child was in hospital so I rang to see how her DD was) cousin confirmed she felt uneasy doing the haircut without speaking to me but she also told me that MIL has been calling me all sorts behind my back and has stated "I will have my boys back with me before Christmas" meaning my DP and my DS, this was all discussed in front of my DS who yes may be a baby now and not understand but he eventually will and I do not trust her to not speak negatively in front of him.

I have sat my DP down and now told him that the Tuesday contact will be stopped and that if she wants DS on a weekend for a few hours then my DP must also go with them, she is not to have my DS unsupervised. DP seems to have located his spine suddenly because he actually completely supported me and agreed (think he was fuming other family now also been dragged into it)

Now my MIL is threatening to call social services on me (I'm emotionally abusing my DS by keeping him away from his family) and she will be seeking legal advice about taking me to court for visitation, I will post this in the legal section too but I was just wondering if anyone has any experience with social services or grandparents rights

Surely this mental woman can't get legal unsupervised time with my child?

Dignified silence is the best way forward!

Keep all the evidence reiterate in writing to your DP he is welcome to take DS to visit he family provided he stays with DS to supervise.

A wise family solicitor told me "give them enough rope and they hang themselves"

I would actually contact the hospital and use GDPR to ask who has accessed your records and DS' and who had changed these appointments as it wasn't you.

People think the walking into a consultant appointment is bad.....

When my DS's growth restriction was discovered I had a growth scan and they told me that they needed him out now, he was very small. They estimated around 2 and half pounds, he was born 2lbs 9ozs. I was offered an induction or a C-section and while discussing the doctors explained that small babies do not do well under stress of induction and that I could well then be in labour for days with a stressed baby who wasn't being fed by my placenta and then could end up needing surgery anyway. I asked what was best for my son and doctor said all risks for induction were to baby all risks for c-section were to me, I immediately signed the consent forms for the csection

I rang my mum to tell her what was happening and to get her to bring me a few things and my DP went to his mums office to let her know what was happening, she was furious that she wasn't first to know, my mum was. And then she demanded to see the doctor because she believed I was being over dramatic and "too posh to push"

You need to pursue the accessing records and changing appointments thing as she will carry on doing it...

While I am normally the last person to recommend complaining to people's employers, I think letting the hospital know about your MIL's snooping in your data etc should be reported. Because this woman is an obsessive, self-righteous, interfering bully, and there is quite a good chance that she will have meddled in the affairs of other patients, too.

OP this isn't normal pushy granny stuff.

She's seriously acting badly - it's like stalker territory.

I would push very hard, now that you have your DP on side, to let him know that the choice is either take steps to cut his mum out for now and look to reintroducing her very gradually as a 'distant, once every few weeks' visit type granny figure OR you start protecting yourself more directly if he can't be in agreement - starting with a complaint to the hospital and an investigation into her accessing your records.

Accessing your personal medical data is illegal but more to the point it is unhinged. I would not allow my child to be directly involved with her. Full stop.

So sorry that you are in this situation. I would completely ignore her and not even dignify her with a response and be safe in the knowledge that she has absolutely no rights as a grandparent. Grandparents only have rights if parents are deceased/not present AND the grandparent in question has been named as the legal guardian (which I am assuming she hasn't). It's an awful situation and must be so difficult but there is nothing she can do so I would do your best to just ignore her. You have been generous enough allowing visitation, and you are 100% within your rights to stop this, especially given her behaviour!

You need to heal OP. This is way too much ! I wouldnt see her face ever in my life if I were you.

I would actually contact the hospital and use GDPR to ask who has accessed your records and DS' and who had changed these appointments as it wasn't you.
If I'm feeling vengeful and really bitchy, I'd do this. But, its more important for you to disconnect from all this and heal from years of bullying. Cut contact and go for therapy.

What's the story with your SIL ? Can you post a link to your previous posts? I'm just being nosey, you don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to. Hugs to you OP. I feel for you. You need to rebuild your confidence and keep that bully out of your life.

I had it with my MIL for years. Trust me, they never change. I let my MIL in after years of NC and in a week's time, she started where she stopped last time. Permanent NC now.

@Blinktwice2

SIL situation

My son was born early so at first I couldn't breast feed so once we were allowed home and my milk came in I started to try and introduce breastfeeding, because DS was prem he would always fall asleep when I was trying to get him to attach so I started expressing small amounts and just topped up his formula. One day DP was at work and I was home alone, I got baby down for a nap and started to express, I was over the moon to finally get more than 20mlls when suddenly FIL walked in using the key they have for emergencies, I (excuse language) shit myself and jumped up to try and cover up, in the process dropping milk all over the floor and waking up baby. I did snap at FIL about letting himself in. Later I got a message from SIL saying I upset her father, I make him uncomfortable in my home why should he need inviting or permission to come and see his grandson and that if I'm so sensitive about being seen breastfeeding maybe I should do it in the bedroom with the door closed

Have you told her to piss off?

OP I remember your other posts. She's going to make an unholy tit out of herself if she calls SS so I'd let her at it. No letters or any contact with her.

And even if it's an empty threat and she doesn't do it I'd still get onto the hospital.

This woman is pure toxicity. I would imagine your solicitor can reassure you that you're fully within your rights to block her out of all your lives completely - and then do it!

seriously OP? Did FIL even apologize? Or was it your fault somehow like always.

You put up with wayyy too much already. Not a drop more. BIG hugs to you. Stand brave and put up a fight OP. Never back out. NEVER. Whatever it takes to get this crazy people out of your life.

Having evidence of making a complaint about data breaches would give additional proof of her behaviour.

I don't know whether the Trust would confirm in writing that there have been unauthorised accesses after they've investigated and found the woman bringing up your records, your family's records, your DS's records, your DP's records, etc, etc - because I'll bet that she looks at more than just one person's - but I'd imagine they have to tell you whether there have been breaches and that they are/have acted on them.

I'd get that complaint in now.

It's not about vengeance doing a GDPR request that woman could alter her records, breach confidentiality, make her miss appointments - the list is endless.

Far better to find out before there are serious consequences for OP than after something insidious occurs.

The thing that is pissing me off on your behalf is the thought of you forking out for legal advice. How would it be to carry on with ‘being busy’ and not having DS go for any visits and if she does have the bare faced nerve to contact SS then go from their. You could just keep screen shots of any messages and notes of any threats, vile behaviours. What she doesn’t seem to realise is she has far far more to lose than you do. I’m glad DH has told her she’s lucky she is seeing DS at all. I would strongly hope DH will realise he shouldn’t be taking DS to hers at all because she’s too manipulative, vindictive and dangerous.

Good lord, this is hell on earth and it's gone this far because she's been allowed to get away with it.

I'm horrified at her making your wedding guest list.

Turning up in the middle of your appointment...which the doctor should really have checked with you first.

She knows everything about you medically, because she's still accessing your medical records.

It's better late than never, but your DP should have put a stop to this a long time ago.

From now on there should be nothing like regular scheduled time for her to see your DS.

I would absolutely contact the hospital administration and say you would believe your records have been accessed by unauthorised personnel and would like to find out (under an FOI - freedom of information request) who has accessed your records, between X date and X date.

I've heard of lots of MIL stories...but this one is out of this world.

@FirstTimeMummyDS88 hun YOU are starting to piss me of now 😂😂😂 how the flipping hell you have put up with these people for SO long is beyond me!! Just say ahhh feck of to all of them 😳 or give me her number/email I will do it for you 😘

@HJWT

Thankfully DP seems to have finally took his balls out his purse though so may finally be getting somewhere 😂

I tell you what though...this thread is a perfect example of solidarity. No bickering. No bitching. No difference of opinion. Everyone thinks that she is bonkers.

I haven't read the whole thread but to the people saying the child will suffer by not seeing the grandmother - this is rubbish. I have a very close relationship with my grandsons but hardly knew my own grandparents because one grandmother died when my mum was a child and the rest all lived hundreds of miles away. I coped, you don't miss what you don't know.

I'm sorry that your going through this op. As much as I'm sure she'll give SS and the Courts a good laugh, even the threat of this would be concerning.

Your DP is also massively at fault here. He doesn't have your back.

As soon as she insinuated your child's unfortunate health and premature birth being your fault, he should have told her to get fucked then.

She's obviously bat shit crazy but he's not made the situation any easier.

I've always said that grandparents are an agreeable luxury. Possibly I have this viewpoint because my last one carked it when I was 12, and they were bloody useless in the first place. At best. At worst - well, don't mention the war.

Good grandparents - pearls beyond price. Toxic grandparents - worse than useless. Detrimental to both child and family.

Op I commented on your last thread. I wouldn't give her any contact at all.

Crumbs!!!!! Please pursue the hospital appointment thing

Lots of support coming your way xx

I actually can't believe your in laws are completely nuts - crazy, horrible stalker kind of nuts.

I would absolutely follow up and try to get evidence of the appointment changing as that is ridiculous and a complete invasion of privacy. She has crossed so many lines and abused her position at the hospital to do so.

As much as it is horrendously shit for you, I would have to go with your partner and child every single time they see your in laws. This way, you can keep track of what is being said about you, keep collecting evidence and then determine how much - if any - they get to see your child. This will also help you and your partner to stand up for you whilst your there and you then both move forward as a team (in front of the in laws). You can ensure that way every single time something toxic is said, you can all leave immediately.