MIL from Hell, like she's actually a Demon

[FirstTimeMummyDS88]

A few of you may remember my previous post about my situation with my DP's family, I'm not going to list every single thing that has happened between us because it would take me about 3 days but I'll just post about the latest argument

So due to a load of arguments and frankly disgusting comments about myself from my partners family but mostly his mother I have gone completely NC with his family, I allowed visitation 5pm-7pm in a Tuesday every week and a few hours every weekend, PIL would call DP when outside and he would take DS out to car and same when they brought DS home so I don't have to see them. Anyway almost 2 weeks ago now I got a text from my DP's cousin saying she was looking forward to seeing me and DS that afternoon, without going into too much detail about all the drama I explained I wouldn't be going but I was glad MIL was taking DS to visit cousin and her DC, during the course of the conversation cousin mentioned that MIL was taking my DS to cousins house to have his hair cut, this was arranged completely without mine or DP knowledge and I was furious, mostly because it's his first haircut and when he is ready for a haircut I feel me and his dad should be the ones to take him. A few MN users suggested cousin maybe knew that it was behind my back and that's why she text (was unusual for her to text me) I have since spoken to cousin again (her child was in hospital so I rang to see how her DD was) cousin confirmed she felt uneasy doing the haircut without speaking to me but she also told me that MIL has been calling me all sorts behind my back and has stated "I will have my boys back with me before Christmas" meaning my DP and my DS, this was all discussed in front of my DS who yes may be a baby now and not understand but he eventually will and I do not trust her to not speak negatively in front of him.

I have sat my DP down and now told him that the Tuesday contact will be stopped and that if she wants DS on a weekend for a few hours then my DP must also go with them, she is not to have my DS unsupervised. DP seems to have located his spine suddenly because he actually completely supported me and agreed (think he was fuming other family now also been dragged into it)

Now my MIL is threatening to call social services on me (I'm emotionally abusing my DS by keeping him away from his family) and she will be seeking legal advice about taking me to court for visitation, I will post this in the legal section too but I was just wondering if anyone has any experience with social services or grandparents rights

Surely this mental woman can't get legal unsupervised time with my child?

Please OP, seriously consider reporting her for accessing your records. She is abusing her position and who knows what else she has done/will do with yours and DS’s records if left unchecked.

At the hospital I work at it is a sackable offence to access records without valid reasons. In fact just this week they sent a global email out reminding staff that it is gross misconduct. So PLEASE report her before she does anything else

1 change locks, nice secure ones, add a robust door chain, keep it on when you are home. Also get padlocks for any gates to the back of property

2 complain about her conduct to NHS she maybe looking up your relations info as well.

3 if at all possible move at least 2 hours drive away if they appear don’t let them in.

4 block them on all devices

5 investigate moving to Australia. I know someone who did that just to get away from. MIL

You will have to harden up and not care about upsetting them - they are batshit mad

Id send them the number of social services and say she’s absolutely welcome to give them a call.

Wow she’s bad op. I’m sorry. Fully agree with other posters that not engaging is the way to go. No need solicitors or letters,she currently has no formal rights so don’t give her the semblance of any.

If she asks when she’s seeing DS and your DH wants to see her, he should keep it light and breezy like “ds and I might pop in tomorrow, how about 4pm?” Make it clear it’s not regular and it’s about casual family visits - even better if you can stomach going as well then there is no precedent of ds being alone with her. No formal arrangement as this will give her ammunition. Or go fully NC.

And tell the hospital she’s looked at your data. If they prove it she will be fired and if she’s a health care professional she will be struck off.

Speechless. Please don’t spend money on a solicitor at this stage, what will that achieve? You can cross that bridge if she ever comes with legal action, but don’t start offering supervised contact at all. Why would you?? It will be much harder to later come back from something you have given in writing. Stop ALL direct communication with them; leave it to your DP to deal with on a weekend by weekend (or month by month) basis, whatever fits your own schedule. Nothing too regular. No expectations. And spend any money saved from solicitor on a nice treat for yourself.

Your sister sounds as bonkers as her parents. Why on earth would you need to hide yourself away in your bedroom when you’re already behind the locked door of your own home? You’re perfectly entitled to assume that someone who has a key for emergencies won’t use it if there is no emergency.

I'd change your locks OP, no way they haven't taken a copy of your key

@Jaimemai

I'm sorry but i don't agree that you marry a family. You make your vows to one person

OP, ignore jaimemal. I've seen her post on multiple threads and a long as you think/do the opposite of her, you'll be doing all right.

It is a very old saying @firsttimemummyDS89: be careful who you marry, because you marry the family.

Definitely change locks and I would get legal advice, but have clear and honest questions in advance.

Do you want to stop all future contact and harassment, i.e. restraining order or similar?
And/Or
Want to know what she control freak may try to use to force contact?

No, it's not too hard, but when I see bigots posting rubbish, I like to call them out on it. But I'm English so you're bound to hate me, aren't you?

You dont marry a person, you marry their family.

This is cobblers. Sorry.

Shared DNA should never give anyone a free pass for indulging in revolting, controlling or bullying behaviour. There is, sadly, an unspoken, highly damaging cultural assumption that 'Family' is the basis on which people should tolerate far more crap than they would ever take from someone without that genetic link.

It doesn't make sense. If anything, so-called 'family' should be held to higher standards of behaviour than the reverse.

Re. the two commenters posting above me: could I gently and politely ask you to stop your virtual bitch-slap before you get this thread pulled?

Many thanks.

OP as long as your DH has your back and puts DS first it doesn't matter that she is his mother. Some family don't act like family and NC is the best option, while friends can become chosen family.

You dont marry a person, you marry their family.

Bollocks.

@MarieIVanArkleStinks it is a very old quote, not mine, Im just throwing it out there, because we have all had trouble with our in laws. It is not easy marrying into someone else's family. You really get stuck with them

@Jaimemai

It may be an old saying but it's not something I'm going to be living by, my family is my partner and my son, I may not be his mums cup of tea but all she should really care about is that I make her son happy

From your earlier posts on this thread you said you agreed with my MIL that I am emotionally abusing my son by offering only supervised contact, I understand you are basing your opinion on your own family situation of your mother keeping you away from your grandmother and while I sympathise do you not think that having his gran constantly bad mouth, lie, disrespect and insult his mother my son will suffer, if I let her disrespect me in front of my son how can I ever expect my son to respect me. And if a boy cant respect his own mother what woman is he going to respect

But you are a bigot. Your posts on the other thread confirmed that. Everything I have read under your name is complete rubbish and I stand by my comment that anyone who disagrees with you will do all right by themselves.

Marvel- point taken. I'm leaving this here as I dont want to be brought down to the level of someone who is clearly self-hating.

I hate mil bashing threads on here and tjink some of the dils are over sensitive. This however is crazy. Fuck that for a game of soldiers. You are absolutely right in what you are doing she sounds an utter nightmare.