To wonder how you would feel if you found out your DP cross dressed?

[BalletBunting]

And by cross dressing I just mean occasionally wearing some make up/skirts/dresses/heels. Would it bother you? I was reading a thread of women who'd been through that experience, and I realised myself that the idea of DH doing it makes my skin crawl, although I can't quite pin point why.

Honestly? Probably a deal breaker. Its not for me at all and I don't think I would be attracted to someone who does it.

I would feel hurt that something had been kept secret from me, the same as I would about any secret. But cross dressing in and of itself doesn’t offend or bother me - I don’t have a problem with gender expression in any form. Secrets in a marriage are corrosive, though, so finding out a secret would be a blow.

I'd be revolted. I'm only attracted to men who are secure in their masculinity and at ease in their own skin. It would be a deal breaker for me.

It would depend how it was done. Men can look great in skirts and make up, but if it was some sort of pornified idea about what women look like then no.

I'd like to think not, I'm pretty liberal and have many queer friends some of which do drag so I think it would be hypocritical for me to not accept it. What he does in his own time is up to him, I don't think I would be so comfortable if it was in my face, I once put a full face on DH as a joke and it was a huge turn off, I didn't even want to kiss him.

I have a friend who's husband dresses as a woman once a month and pretends to be a woman sexually if you get my drift...friend goes along with this, I don't know how she does it.

It wouldn't bother me but it would bother me that hed kept it from me. Not to the extent I'd break up with him though... because I can see it might be hard to talk about for him.

It might bother me more if it was that he felt like he actually was a woman.
But just liking to wear womens clothing because it turned him on... or even that it was just some comfort thing... that wouldn't bother me at all.

I would be appalled and it would be the end of our relationship.

Absolute deal breaker for me.

I have no problem with anyone wanting to cross dress, but in a partner it would completely put me off them.

I fear this will turn into another one of those topics....

I cross-dressed myself and found it really fun (I actually make quite a convincing boy; DH did not recognise me at all!), so I'd be a hypocrite to have a problem with this. Also, I already know DH looks great with eyeliner. I don't find it arousing, though, so I'd have a hard time making it part of our sex life if that's what he'd be after.

Come to think of it though that might be because I'm bisexual. If you were completely straight that might affect the way you felt about it perhaps?

Deal breaker for me. I’m quite open minded but I’d find that too much

To those who said it would be a deal-breaker - are you genuinely saying you would file for divorce/end a LTR if your DH/partner said 'When we have dinner at home on Friday night I'd like to wear lippy and a dress'?

Genuinely curious!

I suppose my question is, if you take the 'secret' element out of it, is it still that much of an issue?

Devastated and definitely a deal breaker.

No, no issue without the secrecy. The hiding something from me would be my only issue.

Come to think of it though that might be because I'm bisexual. If you were completely straight that might affect the way you felt about it perhaps?

Maybe. I think there is a difference between drag-as-dressing-up-for-fun (I can't imagine anyone having a problem with that, to be honest, that'd be bizarre to me) and drag with more of a fetish purpose. There are straight women who are really into sissification and various fetishes that involve cross-dressing men, and bisexual women (like myself) who aren't into that at all.

I went out with enough men in dresses and make up in my youth that it shouldn't bother me.

But the secret, sexual aspect of it would. It's about a porn-stereotype of womanhood, rather than a David Bowie/Brian Molko kind of revolutionary masculinity. The first isn't attractive, the second is.

I would feel single.

No disgust or whatever. But equally not someone I would want to be in a relationship with.
I also couldn’t be in a relationship with someone who regularly wore cowboy hats in public, thought that Boris Johnstone was the saviour of the UK or agreed with anything that came out of Donald Trumps mouth.

Everyone has their preferences. I’d prefer my partner to wear boxers rather than a thong.

I'd probably quite like that. But he can keep his hands off my lingerie collection

Probably wouldn't bother me as I'm bisexual so don't see a big deal. So he likes wearing skirts sometimes. I sleep in men's boxers and wear men's sweatpants. What is the difference?

@blackfriars yes I would. This is reaction based on my husband - it is so alien even imagining it, I know he would be a completely different person, if that makes sense?

On the other hand, if he started wearing a sarong around the house and confessed he sometimes borrowed some concealer then I wouldn’t be bothered.

Not really suresexuality has anything to do with it .

blackfriars To answer your question - yes. The secret part is not the problem for me. I couldn't be in a relationship with someone that cross dressed. Maybe if we agreed that I would never ever see him cross dressing and no one would ever know (ie he does it in secret when there is no chance of me or anyone else seeing) then I might be able to continue but I'm not really sure I would be sexually attracted to him anymore.

Blackfriars

It is a difficult thing actually- there is the issue of your partner not being upfront about wanting cross dress when the relationship started- and that is something really quite significant- so it would make me wonder what else I didn’t know/hadn’t been told which isn’t great from a relationship standpoint.

I don’t feel sexually attracted to women, so I think I would find it hard to maintain a relationship with a man who wanted to look (and act) like a woman (even if only some of the time). I would find it a turn off and think it would impact on your sex life and wider relationship. I suppose if my DH wanted to do it in private and didn’t want to involve me, it might be possible to carry on- though I doubt it would work and suspect that the partner who wanted to openly cross dress wouldn’t find that arrangement particularly satisfactory either.

So, on balance, yes I think it would probably be a deal breaker for me.

If you’re wearing a particular item of clothing because it’s more comfortable (sweatpants or boxers) it is completely different to getting tarted up when cross dressing. No man cross dresses in jeans and t-shirt and trainers with no make up, even though that is typical for a lot of women.

Can someone explain why ‘I’m bisexual’ makes a difference?

Wouldn’t bother me, I’m quite pansexual? Is that the word?