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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder how you would feel if you found out your DP cross dressed?

254 replies

BalletBunting · 11/06/2019 14:55

And by cross dressing I just mean occasionally wearing some make up/skirts/dresses/heels. Would it bother you? I was reading a thread of women who'd been through that experience, and I realised myself that the idea of DH doing it makes my skin crawl, although I can't quite pin point why.

OP posts:
InsertFunnyUsername · 11/06/2019 15:22

No, i would not be attracted to a man in a dress, wearing make up. So I'd be feeling single.

BottomliePotts · 11/06/2019 15:22

I would be shocked and it would take some getting used to but I wouldn't leave DH over it. I could get used to it I think but not in the bedroom. My DH is slim and not overtly macho, I wonder if women attracted to macho men would struggle more

BattenburgIsland · 11/06/2019 15:24

I think sexuality would have something to do with it if the reason he was cross dressing was a sexual fetish. Which I guess the term cross dressing implies.... the David bowie/Brian molko stuff I wouldn't even consider cross dressing as it's an open part of their personality and part of their masculinity/personal style.

Fyette · 11/06/2019 15:24

What if, for example, your husband dressed up as Elsa for Halloween to please and support your daughter who wanted to be Olaf?

Original poster
BalletBunting · 11/06/2019 15:25

Fyette Grin I take it back, I'm going to suggest this to DH

OP posts:
CthulhuInDisguise · 11/06/2019 15:25

My ex once put one of my dresses on top have sex with me. At the time it didn't bother me but I was 17 and infatuated. Now at 40, I couldn't be doing with that shit. It feels a bit creepy, and I shudder at my younger self.

Peachsummer · 11/06/2019 15:27

Wouldn’t bother me tbh, as long as he only did it in private.

EarClipper · 11/06/2019 15:28

I have a friend who's husband dresses as a woman once a month and pretends to be a woman sexually if you get my drift...friend goes along with this, I don't know how she does it.

Pegging? Pegging is fine. Wouldn't be turned on by a man in woman's clothing though. As with most things, best to be upfront from the start.

GeraldineFangedVagine · 11/06/2019 15:29

My dad is a cross dresser and it destroyed my mum. He forced both her and me to be part of it. It was abusive and like op have said it was the secret/sexual aspect of it that was horrible. It’s really affected me and I have no contact with him largely because of it.

CassianAndor · 11/06/2019 15:30

I would be utterly repulsed.

bingoitsadingo · 11/06/2019 15:31

If he just wants to wear women's clothes, fine.
If there's a sexual side, not fine.

EarClipper · 11/06/2019 15:32

Yuck, GeraldineFangedVagine. Sounds like your dad crossed some serious boundaries.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 11/06/2019 15:34

Yes, I would end a relationship over it

DH and I had an amazing, intense sexual relationship, blackfriars. It was central to our marriage. A profound familiarity with each other's sexual tastes was part of that. So to discover that he'd concealed a fetish from me would launch a wrecking ball to our relationship. I couldn't have a sexual relationship with someone who'd conned me like that.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 11/06/2019 15:38

I was a teenager in the 80s, so a bit of makeup and genderbending would be fine. Autogynaephilia is a different matter and would be an utter turnoff.

Branleuse · 11/06/2019 15:38

It wouldnt excite me or turn me on in the slightest, but I wouldnt be against it either in private, as long as he didnt try and claim it made him a woman or insist I had to validate his obscure made up gender.

I have never minded makeup on men, and I did have a friend once who loved cross dressing. No problem with it. It just doesnt make you a woman

PregnantSea · 11/06/2019 15:39

I wouldn't like it purely because I would find it very unattractive. I am not attracted to men who wear make up and women's clothes. However it wouldn't make me love him any less. I would accept him for who he was but it would certainly change the nature of our relationship. It may mean that I asked him not to do it in front of me in order to try and preserve our sex life, but I suppose he may say that he doesn't want to "hide".

I don't really know. Tough question OP!

PissOffPeppa · 11/06/2019 15:40

It wouldn’t bother me one bit. It wouldn’t be harming anybody if he wanted to wear a skirt every now and then.

I’m also bisexual. Not convinced that makes a difference (I certainly wouldn’t be attracted to my husband in women’s clothes!) but it’s interesting that there’s a pattern there.

BlooperReel · 11/06/2019 15:41

I would feel repulsed to be honest, I have never heard of a man who cross dresses in 'secret' who wasn't doing it for sexual kicks, and that is not for me at all.

IM0GEN · 11/06/2019 15:48

I think that women get to decide what and who they are sexually attracted to.

So if that’s men ( or one man ) in dresses and lipstick, great !

And if it’s not, we get to walk away. Or not get involved with that person in the first place.

We don’t need to justify this to anyone. We don’t need to devise an answer that some randomer thinks is acceptable.

We just get to say no.

SuzieQ10 · 11/06/2019 15:55

I don't think I could look at my partner as a big sexy man if he started wearing lipstick heels and putting on mini skirts or whatever.

I'd be sad our relationship had come to an end, wish him well with the cross dressing and keep his secret if that's what he wanted. But he'd be out of my bed.

Headstand · 11/06/2019 15:56

I'm really shocked by this post and some of the reactions. My husband and I occasionally wear each others clothes and I love it. It's not sexual really, it's just fun.

I've seen my husband in drag when we were younger and that was sexy but more for his confidence and how comfortable he is in himself to be able to do that. He doesn't do it now which I think is a shame.

Now it just tends to be me that wears his clothes and blokes clothing. It makes me feel comfortable and sexy.

My only issue would be responses from others like on this thread. I hate it when he gets teased by "lads" when he orders a cocktail or a "girl drink". I admire his confidence and that he is so comfortable in himself to do that. He didn't always feel that way and I want to support that.

6demandingchildren · 11/06/2019 16:02

My ex H was a secret cross dresser, he was in the army and quite a butch man, it came as quite a shock and he tried to use his fetish in the bedroom, he was also an alcoholic but now (30) years later I have come to realise he was an awful man who took advantage of me when I was 16 as I see now that he groomed me as he was quite a bit older.

curiousdresser1 · 11/06/2019 16:03

name changed
It depends! I would be a hypocrite to leave someone over it as its something that I would like to do myself. I am often looking in charity shops staring longingly at suits, blazers, waistcoats and ties. I have never got as far as buying anything though.

It would bother me if I was dating something and then hid it from me. I would always be up front and honest.

FermatsTheorem · 11/06/2019 16:03

Total turn off as far as I'm concerned. Would leave my fanny drier than the Sahara. And if it was a sexual fetish that it turned out he'd hidden from me for years, I'd be out of the marriage as fast as if he'd committed adultery.

People can be as shocked as they like about my lack of open mindedness or compassion or sense of adventure or whatever. I (like everyone else) am allowed to set my own personal and sexual boundaries.

spanishwife · 11/06/2019 16:04

Wow I'm shocked at the comments along the lines of 'revolted' and that it would be a deal breaker!!

I love my husband unconditionally.

I think I'd be perfectly fine with it if it was every once in a while and didn't start to take over their usual way of dressing/acting. If the personality or priorities started to change, that's a different conversation. But wearing different clothes and a bit of makeup really would phase me!

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