Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder how you would feel if you found out your DP cross dressed?

254 replies

BalletBunting · 11/06/2019 14:55

And by cross dressing I just mean occasionally wearing some make up/skirts/dresses/heels. Would it bother you? I was reading a thread of women who'd been through that experience, and I realised myself that the idea of DH doing it makes my skin crawl, although I can't quite pin point why.

OP posts:
BlooperReel · 12/06/2019 13:20

I have never shamed a woman for having boundaries, as you well know. I would love for you to quote exactly where you imagine I did so.

You told a woman who said she had too much self respect to put up with cross dressing in her sexual relationship to 'get over yourself'. Looks like shaming to me.

I may have misinterpreted you, but that's exactly what it looks like.

PanteneProV · 12/06/2019 13:26

You told a woman who said she had too much self respect to put up with cross dressing in her sexual relationship to 'get over yourself'. Looks like shaming to me.

I may have misinterpreted you, but that's exactly what it looks like.

‘May have misinterpreted’ - you know you have, and I believe you have done so deliberately.

We both know that it was very obvious that my criticism was directed at the PP’s claim that her refusal to tolerate cross dressing is an issue of self-respect. By framing it that way, she is suggesting that women who would tolerate (or even enjoy) their partners cross-dressing lack self respect.

My point is that to judge a woman as lacking in self-respect because her boundaries are different to yours is kink-shaming and, more to the point, is anti-feminist.

You deliberately twisted that into me apparently suggesting that women shouldn’t be allowed to assert their own boundaries. That is obviously not the case, and you’re wildly unreasonable if you keep pushing that wilful misinterpretation of what I said.

bobstersmum · 12/06/2019 13:47

It wouldn't turn me on, but there are worse kinks! I think I'd struggle to keep a straight face though, the thought of dh in a dress.

BlooperReel · 12/06/2019 14:00

Wilful misinterpretation You deliberately twisted that

It's about time you got over yourself and stop telling me what I intended. Unless you are telepathic, you are just claiming to know what I meant. Hmm

PanteneProV · 12/06/2019 14:12

Your agenda is pretty clear. You had the argument you wanted to have by responding to a misinterpretation of my points instead of what I actually said. Even now you aren’t actually addressing what I said.

BlooperReel · 12/06/2019 14:33

So now I have an agenda too? Sure. You crack on, I have no interest in such dramatic bullshit.

IsabellaLinton · 12/06/2019 14:44

We both know that it was very obvious that my criticism was directed at the PP’s claim that her refusal to tolerate cross dressing is an issue of self-respect. By framing it that way, she is suggesting that women who would tolerate (or even enjoy) their partners cross-dressing lack self respect.

She is just speaking for herself, as she is allowed to do. Why extrapolate from what she said? Why is she ‘suggesting’ anything? Confused

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 12/06/2019 14:50

It wouldn't turn me on, but there are worse kinks! I think I'd struggle to keep a straight face though, the thought of dh in a dress.

Same! DH has a beard so he'd be a v. unconvincing woman. I'd probably laugh hysterically.

Seriously, though, it wouldn't appeal to me at all. I've always preferred my partners to be "traditionally masculine" in looks (e.g. hairy chest and legs) so a feminine look would probably be a deal-breaker for me.

PanteneProV · 12/06/2019 15:09

You crack on, I have no interest in such dramatic bullshit.

‘I’m not interested in drama’ says person who interpreted my comments as being a comprehensive attack on the right of women to assert boundaries that keep them safe. Aye right...

She is just speaking for herself, as she is allowed to do. Why extrapolate from what she said? Why is she ‘suggesting’ anything?

You’ll have to ask her why she suggested it. Unless you’re trying to pretend that saying ‘I have too much self respect to do X’ doesn’t also mean ‘people who do X lack self respect’, but that’s patently ridiculous.

PanteneProV · 12/06/2019 15:11

And @BlooperReel - you still haven’t responded to what I actually said instead of what you pretended I said. Can’t think why.

👀

soarin · 12/06/2019 15:15

Oh god, must admit I'm not into it either and couldn't condone it. However ducking shock horror, last week in the middle of sex, if took my knickers off and they were on end of bed. DH stopped and put them on. Whilst having sex, he then wanted me to pull them tightly, like giving him a wedgey. I did he and he cane almost immediately. Didn't really discuss it after but then text the next day saying how much it turned him on. I was 🤢 said that's fine but as long as it stops there. Don't know, I don't find it attractive one little bit.

PookieDo · 12/06/2019 15:15

I have a gay friend who likes to wear high heels make up and not for drag, he really enjoys wearing them and enjoys feminity. I have no issues with it, for him it is fun. I wouldn’t judge any man straight or gay who enjoyed it but I would find it very hard to deal with if it was a secret I suddenly discovered rather than honesty from them about them enjoying it and confiding in me.

I don’t know if I would find it a turn off though because I am single so this is a hypothetical situation I can’t really make a decision on that. I don’t know how I would feel to be honest

I don’t like the self respect element of this conversation. I think it would only indicate a lack of self respect if you felt you had no choice but to accept something in a partner you really disliked and found upsetting. Being indifferent and not minding is not the same

FermatsTheorem · 12/06/2019 15:16

No one is obliged to respond to anyone on here, especially when they appear to be becoming tiresomely repetitive and also appear to have decided to target one individual. That's the way chat boards work.

PookieDo · 12/06/2019 15:19

@soarin

I have been with 2 different men who actually liked putting my underwear on during sex in the same situation! But not regularly it was only once or twice. I didn’t find it a turn off as I think it was more about the behaviour during sex - like a naughty act of sex or part of the performance rather than any indication or inclination they would choose to do it outside of that situation. I think it is a bit of a novelty. Putting on some lacy pants akin to some people liking the feeling of PVC doesn’t make someone a cross dresser although I think it can escalate for some men

Original poster
BalletBunting · 12/06/2019 15:21

soarin boak that's horrid! If my DH did that we'd be having some serious words. I think you really need to assert your boundaries - you don't like it and he shouldn't do it without your consent!

OP posts:
AhhhHereItGoes · 12/06/2019 15:24

Just to say I have had a friend who started off cross dressing and then became trans. I also know a lesbian who now has transitioned. I have nothing but respect for them.

I just do not want to be intimate with them. That's different than being bigoted or hateful.

Rachelle11 · 12/06/2019 16:01

Deal breaker. I'm into Bowie being androgynous, but my husband wearing a dress hell no.
I have experimented with women when I was younger (not that I would want to again) but nothing about my husband in a dress screams woman to me anyways.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 12/06/2019 16:24

I'm old. Grew up in the 70s and 80s, when men had long flowing hair and eyeliner. DH had long hair when we met. I loved the feel of it on my skin.

However he also looked a lot like Tommy Cooper and would look ludicrous in drag. A lot of men do. When I see some examples online I find myself wondering if they've ever used a looking glass.

There's a massive difference between men in satin and lace like Bowie and Marc Bolan and some bloke aroused by presenting as some pornified stereotype.

Fraxion · 12/06/2019 16:25

Kilts are fine.

What?? You do know the origin of kilts, right?

Original poster
BalletBunting · 12/06/2019 19:21

No Fraxion - do tell

OP posts:
Prawnofthepatriarchy · 12/06/2019 20:12

We have a family tartan and both DF and one of my DBs have kilts for formal wear. DF no longer wears his but DB looks extremely dashing in his, with all the accoutrements.

Though I did get a surprise when I jokily took some upkilt pix. Seems DB is a traditionalist. Grin

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 12/06/2019 20:18

We have a family tartan and both DF and one of my DBs have kilts for formal wear. DF no longer wears his but DB looks extremely dashing in his, with all the accoutrements.

Though I did get a surprise when I jokily took some upkilt pix. Seems DB is a traditionalist. Grin

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 12/06/2019 20:37

We have a family tartan and both DF and one of my DBs have kilts for formal wear. DF no longer wears his but DB looks extremely dashing in his, with all the accoutrements.

Though I did get a surprise when I jokily took some upkilt pix. Seems DB is a traditionalist. Grin

TailsoftheManyPaws · 12/06/2019 21:22

A very tall kilted friend of mine was solemnly dancing with a wee girl of 3 at a wedding, and some joker asked her, 'Bruna, can you see what he's wearing under his kilt?' She gave him a withering look and said, 'Socks.'

MsTSwift · 12/06/2019 21:29

Dh is quite elegant and graceful he dresses well has great fashion sense (he takes the girls clothes shopping rather than me) and loves ballet and the arts and has lots of genuine female friends. BUT has very masculine face broad shoulders and is strong and fit. Cannot imagine him cross dressing though. If he did it in a non sexual way it would be weird but could possibly live with it but any hint of AGP and I would be gone