To wonder how you would feel if you found out your DP cross dressed?

[BalletBunting]

And by cross dressing I just mean occasionally wearing some make up/skirts/dresses/heels. Would it bother you? I was reading a thread of women who'd been through that experience, and I realised myself that the idea of DH doing it makes my skin crawl, although I can't quite pin point why.

*wouldn't phase me

@curiousdresser1 go for it. It's fun, promise. If everyone was a little more open and comfortable to express themselves in the way they want the whole world benefits.

I love my husband unconditionally

That's actually unusual. Most people don't love their spouses unconditionally. There's plenty of things my partner could do that would stop me loving him and vice versa.

Most people only have unconditional love for their children.

I want to add that I don't think there's always a secrecy element. If it was a 'I've been thinking about this for a while, and I'd like to try it with your support' would you really say 'pack your bags' ?? If the answer to that is yes, why are you married in the first place!?

@formerbabe I love him for who he is and know I've always known him to be unconditionally, yes. If that changed and caused him to do things out of character, something I didn't consider to be 'him', say murder someone, of course that would change.

I love my husband unconditionally.

Goodness, I don't. There is a very long list of things I wouldn't put up with. Violence, cheating, criminal behaviour, addiction that he wasn't dealing with, misogyny, racism, meanness about people less fortunate... and that's off the top of my head.

What your describing isn't unconditional love anyway. "If he did something out of character, I wouldn't" isn't unconditional.

I definitely would not like it

Thoroughly creeped out and for me, a deal breaker. It seems really sinister to me for some reason.

i would have to leave im afraid. i would never ask them to stop (as clearly its part of who they are / what they like to do). plus i would not trust them to stop and not lie to me. but i dont find it attractive and dont like the thought of it.

No from me too.
I would constantly wonder what else he was fetishising.

I don’t think ‘cross-dressing’ for fashion reasons (all those ‘80s / ‘90s boys in eyeliner and girls in suits) is the same as what you’re referring to OP. It’s hard to imagine that there isn’t a sexual aspect to e.g. a man kitting himself out in ‘traditional’ women’s clothes once a month and having a pop at walking in heels and make-up. But it could work both ways.

I hope there are women who do this too, who have a secret wardrobe of clothes from Debenhams men’s section, maybe some vintage from Man at C & A - drip-dry nylon bomber jackets, checked shirts, hush puppies, rugby-style open neck tees, golfing trousers etc. It would be a treat for their husbands to come home and find their wife manspreading in the armchair, drinking beer and eating cheese straight from the packet: wa-hey lucky fella, it’s a “Brian” night tonight!

I would want to know if he was okay, having to hide that for so long must have been hard for him. Then, because I love him, I would ask how I could best support him. My only issue with it would be the secrecy, and that is understandable, especially when you read this thread!

It would be surprising to me only because we have a very honest relationship and I’d be sad he hadn’t felt he could share that with me until now (we’ve been together 11 years).

But it wouldn’t bother me. I had a partner in the past who cross dressed (in his own time, it wasn’t something that did it for me). Cross dressing is a fetish. It’s not my sort of fetish but as long as it doesn’t involve cheating or anything non consensual, it doesn’t bother me. I had an ex with a foot fetish too. Also not my thing, but it didn’t bother me.

Being into cross dressing is not being transgender. They are completely different. My cross dressing ex is very much a man, lived as a man, married to a woman, ordinary suburban life with a house and dc and cats.

I'd be very worried.
His taste is shit.

It would be hard....I'm not attracted to women so I wouldn't want it to be part of or sex life. I'm not going to make myself do something I really wouldn't enjoy.

Equally I think if he pottered around the house in women's clothes that would be a massive issue as I would have that image in my head and it would be a big turn off.

If he just wanted to do it in private and I didn't have to see I guess that would be okay but I'd worry that wouldn't be sustainable and having 'come out' about it he'd then want to engage further with that side of his sexuality either with me or with someone else so that would then become a deal breaker.

I personally couldn't handle it. It happened to a friend of mine, many years ago with a long term ex-boyfriend. She coped with it very well, but once his secret was out he went from treating her like a princess to taking her for granted, so they broke up for other reasons. We were flatmates at the time, and apparently it went on under my nose, with him sneaking out dressed as a wooman after we went out, and coming back before us!! You would never have thought it to look at him, although he did have a fondness for Rocky Horror...

I’m married to a 60+ yr old alpha male manly man. If he said he’d like to dress up I’d be booking him into the gp and getting a neuro team involved ct scan and mri ASAP followed by legal.
He recently changed underwear styles and I had to ask a few questions.

Having gone down the rabbit hole and with an understanding of autogynephilia, it would be an absolute deal breaker for me.

The transwidow threads are heartbreaking to read.

It’s a difficult one because I’ve always considered myself extremely liberal and open minded but with this, I just wouldn’t like it. I also can’t pinpoint why, it’s just not something I would find attractive at all.

It would be a treat for their husbands to come home and find their wife manspreading in the armchair, drinking beer and eating cheese straight from the packet!

Pretty much me on Friday night anyway.

I really don't understand women who would break up with a partner for cross-dressing occasionally, even if you don't find it attractive (neither do I really). Your partner doesn't have to look sexy and masculine 24/7, surely? Just have the sex after he has washed his face?

I'd hate having to look feminine 24/7 to please my partner, because otherwise he couldn't get it out of his head, what?

I don't think I'd care unless it became an obsession. But he'd have to buy his own stuff as I don't like people borrowing my stuff without asking

It happened to me... not a DH but a long term boyfriend. 5 years, and I didn’t suspect a thing.

He confessed, I tried to be understanding. This was 25 yrs ago when people just weren’t so open about this kind of stuff. Once he opened up, it was overwhelming. His preferred style was - naturally - stockings, suspenders, tight dresses, big hair and high heels. He went to specialist shops where they would do his make up and sell all the fake boobs etc. It blew my mind tbh and I was totally turned off him. I felt sorry for him having to keep it a secret but couldn’t continue the relationship after that.

It was a fetish. He didn’t just want to wear women’s clothes - he wanted to get off on being sexy and desirable dressed this way. His dad was a total sleaze - a primary teacher with a stack of porno mags in the wardrobe. I’ve no doubt that’s where the fetish developed from, seeing those images and knowing his dad had them hidden.

So for me these days? you wouldn’t see me for dust.

Honestly I would be repulsed and it would be a dealbreaker for me.

Being into cross dressing is not being transgender. They are completely different.

You are misinformed. Cross dressers fall within Stonewall's trans umbrella. And many cross dressers eventually transition. This is the result of autogynephilia (AGP). AGP is a man's paraphilic tendency to be sexually aroused by the thought or image of himself as a woman.

The long running MN trans widows threads, which provide support to women whose current or ex DP has transitioned, illustrate the distress and harm done to so many women and children as a result of this fetish.

I love my husband unconditionally.

No, you dont. I dont believe for a second there is nothing your husband could do that would make you fall out of love with him?

Murder? And affair? A string of affairs? Sexual based crime?

You would still love him?

It would be a deal breaker for me, if it's a fetish and makes them feel sexy. I wear mens hoodies, cause they are comfy. Not cause it turns me on. And most of the best hoodies, are mens in my opinion.

I am yet to know a man who wears women underwear and clothing cause its comfy without any sexual motivation.