AIBU to ask those of you who've said they'll help with childcare....

[TheOrigFV45]

...over the summer in a vague "you know I'll always have him" sort of way, to actually make firm plans with those you know may really appreciate your kind offer.

I have friends who are willing to take my son for the day to play with theirs, or on days out, but unless I know well in advance, I will already have made more concrete plans with the childminder which means I either lose £ or my child misses out. The childminder is already getting booked up. If I don't book her now I risk having nothing in place.

OBVIOUSLY I know he's my responsibility, but if you're thinking of helping a lone working parent out over the summer, NOW is the time to make that offer. That parent will really appreciate it.

Yes, I'm resentful of absent other parent.
Yes, I'm resentful said parent is still being chased by CMS (case opened in Jan).
Yes, I'm sad that while I work full time my son is shuttled off to the childminder, while many of the SAHPs are arranging all manner of get togethers.

Say no Paloma! You will feel so much better for it. If your kids aren't bothered and it's a pain in the arse for you, don't do it :)

Ivana - you're just weird. I don't really know what else to say to you.

No, we can't usally return the favour with babysitting (we're at home with our kids) or in taking your kids for the day oh well if you’re having time with your kids of course you don’t want to have someone else’s....are you reading what you are writing???

but we can help you rewrite your CV/help you rehearse your presentation/edit your speech/feed your animals/make you dinner and cakes/offer an ear to listen when your husband is being a dick and not pulling his weight. have you confused stay at home mother with teen looking for work experience?

have you confused stay at home mother with teen looking for work experience? 😂😂

How am I weird?

You called SAHMs thick. Now you’re saying you appreciate them as your friends. Do your friends know you think they’re thick?

No, I said " I can't imagine that your friends are dim enough not to realise that you have to book childcare in good time but it's worth mentioning it to them."

I didn't mention SAHMs at all. But then you've been characterising the OP as a cheeky fucker for having the sheer audacity to ask her mates to help her out for the odd day during the holiday when she just asked people to be straight with her.

And (to go back to my first post) your main aim seems to be about whipping up outrage. Like I said, weird.

No wonder you end up with a huge divide between those who work and those who don’t Christ!

My thoughts exactly....

I am a much slated being here on MN - a SAHM whose kids are at school. The reason I do this (a much asked question on here) is so that I can have some fantastic times with my kids while they get long school holidays and they’re still young enough to enjoy having that time with me. And I gave up (at the time) a serious six figure salary to be able to do this. So damned right I value that time. Would I help a friend in a genuine emergency? Absolutely (and have done - for various mates at various times). But am I happy to commit in advance to 7-7 childcare just so someone else doesn’t have to pay for childcare? No way.

I’m a teacher and a single parent so I get both sides- I will gladly have friends’ children in the holidays, as I know there are so many times I’ve had to rely on others for cover for parents evenings, inset days etc.

BUT I agree you need to be more specific. My good friend will text me and say ‘I’m having trouble getting childcare for the last week of the holidays’ for example and I’ll say ‘well I can have them the first half of the week, but we’re going away on the Thurs’

So you need to ask and also repay favours whenever you can, such as asking other kids over on weekends or sleepovers... at least I find that if I repay favours as much as I can then everyone’s happy

I've never been after free childcare as happy to pay holiday club. Just always felt rotten that my sons friends were all getting together with the other friends that had mums who didn't have to go out to work (not a dig at SAHMs) and my DS was in a holiday club instead.

I would have happily given the kind parent the money I would have spent at a club as I know how expensive taking a child for the day can be if going out. Just that I had already paid the money out for a club booked in advance as places limited and I couldn't hang on and hope someone was free for us.

Christ, this thread makes SAHMs look thick and mean to boot.

There you go, Orchid. That’s what you said.

My DC will be off for 9 weeks, I'll take Dbro DD age 11 one day a week, she is hard work and will follow me around yapping all day, she is close in age to DD, she prefers adults.
I have DDs friend a couple of days, she is a great kid so no problem, if Dsis needs childcare due to illness I'll take her 3 year old.
Dsis takes mine in emergencys.
OP ask your friends to pencil in 2 days each, 2 Fridays, get childcare Mon to Thurs.
I wouldn't mind 2 days in a fortnight to help a friend.
Can pay one of your sahm friends, that way DC doesn't miss out, are any of them stuck for extra cash over the break.
I don't think anyone is being mean or selfish, I hate when it is expected. Dbro texted will you take DC for 8 days over the holiday we've no one else, they're very well off

I don’t think OP is a CF. I think she felt she was highlighting the pressures and frustrations that she feels as a working single Mum, but maybe didn’t appreciate the frustrations and pressures that SAHMs feel.

I don’t think OP is a CF
I agree.
I believe OP started the thread to say, if you're going to offer childcare to a friend, do it now.
So all places aren't booked up, it is frustrating when you cant make definite plans.
OP if you are reading, I hope your okay.

Sorry, yes I did say that. Hands up. But I didn't say all SAHMs are thick (despite you trying to shoehorn that into my response). I said this thread was making them look thick ie the ones who were responding on this thread. It's a) bloody mean-spirited to act like single mother choose to work to afford the nice things that SAHMs can't which was the tone of this thread until I stuck my oar in and b) it's thick not to realise that childcare has to be arranged in advance.

Which all told means you because you seem to suffer from reading comprehension problems as you've characterised the OP as a lazy feckless sponger for having the sheer audacity to ask her friends if they'll help her out in the holidays as countless people have already told you on this thread.

I feel sorry for you. Proper friends are brilliant and understand that we all contribute to one another's lives in a hundred different ways. I'm so glad my friends value me more than for my ability to clock watch reciprocal childcare.

There you go throwing random insults around again. It’s so weirdly unnecessary, it’s actually quite amusing, if a bit bizarre.

I haven’t called the OP lazy.

I haven’t called her a feckless sponger.

I certainly haven’t said or implied that working parents choose to have nice things that SAHM don’t.

which was the tone of this thread until I stuck my oar in

Again as that wasn’t the tone of the thread at all but you seem to have a bit of a hero complex so well done on saving the working mothers from the big, bad SAHMs I guess. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Rest assured you have no reason to feel sorry for me. Another quite mad comment 😂

As I’ve already said on the thread both before and after you swooped in to save it, I have done similar for my friends and had them take my dc in an emergency.

Are you sure it’s me with the comprehension problem? 😊

orchid you are one of ‘those’ CF mothers, certified, 100% and do WP a disservice posting on here. You are the type that everyone avoids like the plague even if they are polite about it.

Your character assassination of a SAH is truly disgusting to read, and I work! ( albeit part time)
You have aggressively defended a WP’s right to demand unpaid free childcare from all and sundry, without really stopping to think about the impact it is having, or SAH’s point of view. Their discomfort/exhaustion/anger is irrelevant to you, as long as you can continue on your conference calls uninterrupted.

You will run out of goodwill soon, other people will have the measure of you. And when you have exhausted all options, a true emergency will arise and you will no one to bail you out.

SAH do an incredible job, looking after their children, other people’s children. Holding the seams of our society together in a million different ways. It’s high time we truly appreciated them. You should feel deeply ashamed of your comments on here.

I'm so glad my friends value me more than for my ability to clock watch reciprocal childcare.

That reminds me of people on here who order steak and cocktails when out in a group then then want to split the bill. They tend to say things like ‘stop counting the pennies’ and ‘don’t be so tight, it all balances out in the end’ to people who’ve had pizza and Diet Coke because they’re skint that month who they’re expecting to subsidise the cost of their meal.

They’ve offered, it’s for your benefit, it’s up to you to put the effort in to sort dates and times etc.

Also be mindful they might not have firmed up their own plans yet. So might not be able to agree to dates.

You also need offer something in return. Babysitting etc

It really is too far in advance for many people to commit to specific days. Lots of things could happen in the meantime to prevent them dedicating a full day, they of course have to put their own circumstances first. This is why people won't commit to anything more than a few hours play date arranged much closer to the time.

Also don't forget the 6-7 week holiday is a long enough stretch to care for our own kids without a break, taking on another makes it even harder. I know OP you said you couldn't reciprocate but offering to take friends kids over the summer maybe for a Saturday I'm sure would be much appreciated. Don't forget alot of stay home mums don't have a support network to give them a break, it's exhausting.

which was the tone of this thread until I stuck my oar in

All bow down to the great thread saviour!

I’d be interested to know what the OP has done? I know she had taken the advice on board to ask for specifics but I’d love to know how it pans out?

Any offer of child care be that a few hours to a full day from someone who’s putting themselves at a huge disadvantage to give your child a play date/save you some cash should be much appreciated

I don't disagree with your sentiment about appreciation, but how is having a child over putting yourself "at great disadvantage"? Seems that MNers all have very lofty plans for the holidays. Every day needs be (vomit) making memories and such like? Surely there's the odd day is just hanging out at home, watching movies, maybe going to the park?

It can be putting yourself at a great disadvantage. Caring for your own kids for 6 full weeks is hard enough, add another child for 12 hours a day and it's harder. Kids might not get along, no chance of dropping them back home It costs to feed and entertain them. Hanging out at home as you put it is not relaxing when u have to get up at the crack of dawn to care for someone else's child. They may not want to watch the same movie as my kids are want to go to the park . But the big thing is cost, it does cost to feed another child. My kids also like their own do ace, playmate for a few hours on completely different to another child in their home for 12 hours.

@mytwobundles I would class all of that as a minor inconvenience rather than "great disadvantage" and one that I'd certainly be happy to tolerate for a friend.

I'd class it as way more than a "minor inconvenience"

I have 4 kids. It's hard work but I love it. I love kids. I will always be the first to volunteer to look after classmates/friends etc if parents are stuck. I've done many full days of childcare in the holidays. A few weeks ago I happened to not see a group text in the morning asking for help. Despite looking after this persons child many times I've been cut off completely. For not looking at my phone when getting 4 children out the door for 3 separate school runs. Had I seen it I would of course have said yes. I think sometimes the more you give the more people expect. It's genuinely made me so upset-I thought we were friends.