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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be abit peeved that DS age10 on sleepover -

230 replies

bamboowarrior · 09/06/2019 15:50

was allowed to watch a 15cert film without the parent checking in with me first?

what age do you allow your kids to watch 12cert and 15cert and 18 cert films? wouldn't you, out of courtesy, check in with the parents first?

OP posts:
TeenTimesTwo · 09/06/2019 18:48

Even if it is a 15 from years ago that would now be a 12, the OP's DC is 10. So still not up to the other parent to decide imo.

PCohle · 09/06/2019 18:48

YANBU.

I'm not sure why some parents think they are personally better qualified to judge the appropriateness of a film for other people's children than the BBFC.

Personally I'm fairly relaxed about what my kids watch but I'd never let visiting kids watch something with an inappropriate certificate. It's hard to predict what certain kids will find frightening and obviously different families have different values re language, sex etc.

slashlover · 09/06/2019 18:55

@OP What was the film?

Gremlins and Beetlejuice are a 15, Watership Down is a U. I know which one terrified me when I was younger.

Popfan · 09/06/2019 19:00

I'd be really cross. YANBU

Thursday4567852 · 09/06/2019 19:04

Are you sure the parents knew? Most houses have some type of Netflix / now tv / prime where really the parents won’t know they are watching unless they stand in the room constantly?

Stuckforthefourthtime · 09/06/2019 19:04

Sootyandsweep2019 And I'm sorry; but who were Alcopops designed for if not teenagers hmm I don't know anybody over the age of 18 who drinks them

So, you're letting the alcohol industry decide what young people do? 13 is way too young for alcohol, and research is EXTREMELY clear that earlier introduction to alcohol leads to more issues than later. 16 is one thing, but 13 is next door.to childhood.

UnicornDust9 · 09/06/2019 19:17

It wouldn’t bother me if my daughter watched a film that was over the recommended age and to be honest I probably wouldn’t even look at the recommended age of a film. If I had already seen it and thought it was ok for the kids I would just put it on.

But she’s 8 and I let her watch 12/12a if Iv already seen them and know what happens. Marvel films for an example.

She does not fright easily though and likes scary stuff.

The only stuff that Is a big no is anything sexual.

shesgrownhorns · 09/06/2019 19:18

"The properly constructed, longitudinal studies published in high-quality peer reviewed journals disagree with your experience.

Given a choice between your experience and properly conducted research, I know which I would believe"

^^This

But hey, let's all prepare our kids for a lifetime of substance use!

Malyshek · 09/06/2019 19:18

Meh. The UK and the US are a bit ridiculous when it comes to movie ratings. To be honest I don't even look at the ratings, I use my common sense to decide whether my son (or any friends staying over of applicable) can watch something. If a parent is super hung up on movie ratings it's up to them to let me know (and I'll respect their wishes obviously).

PCohle · 09/06/2019 19:22

She does not fright easily though and likes scary stuff. The only stuff that Is a big no is anything sexual.

That's true for your DD though. Do you not think that other kids may frighten more easily and other families might be fine with viewing nudity etc?

steppemum · 09/06/2019 19:27

But I have found from experience children who are introduced to alcohol in an age appropriate manner have less problems longer term

Unfortunately your limited experience is wrong.
All the research that has been done on this says that the earlier you are exposed to alcohol the more likely that you will drink heavily and also that 'normalising' alcohol by allowing kids to drink it means that they are more likely to drink more and misuse alcohol.

I also think that alcopops are terrible. I have always thought it was better to let them sip wine, as then they taste what it is actually like (and it massively puts them off Grin ) rather than letting them taste what is basically sweet fizzy drink, and saying Oh yeah, that has alcohol in it.

Also, while you may be happy to allow your 13 year old to drink one, it is absolutely not on to make that judgement call for someone else's teen. Do the experimenting when you are just you and your family if you must.

maimainomai · 09/06/2019 19:28

The movie sounds like a huge overstep to me...

As for the alcohol... Alcopops with 10 seems early to me.

I did grow up in a 'try a little sip' home but that's not the same as supplying alcopops to other people's children...

TeenTimesTwo · 09/06/2019 19:29

If a parent is super hung up on movie ratings it's up to them to let me know

But why ?

Why is it up to the other parents to guess you would even consider letting their 10yo watch a 15? Until my DD1 was shown an overage film it hadn't crossed my mind that other parents would do it.

Why should a parent of someone at primary have to even think their child might be shown a film suitable for someone doing their GCSEs?

steppemum · 09/06/2019 19:30

And I'm sorry; but who were Alcopops designed for if not teenagers hmm I don't know anybody over the age of 18 who drinks them

so, the alcohol industry wanted a way to get teens drinking, to get them spending money buying their product and they came up with alcopops. If you buy them then you have fallen for their marketing strategy!
When the cigarette ads targeted kids, did you rush out and buy a pack for your teen to try?

nocutsnobuttsnococonuts · 09/06/2019 19:31

I would be really cross. My dd is 10 and the last sleepover she went to the mum checked she was allowed to watch Harry potter as a few are 12a.

You can't decide for other parents children as you have no idea what will upset them. A text takes minutes and could save months of a child having nightmares from an unsuitable film.

maimainomai · 09/06/2019 19:36

If a parent is super hung up on movie ratings it's up to them to let me know

Really? Is that the same with all things with age limits? As some have mention, for example also alcohol? Confused

AlaskanOilBaron · 09/06/2019 19:59

I'm really astounded that someone would compare a movie rating discrepancy to giving a 13 year old alcohol. Weird.

maimainomai · 09/06/2019 20:02

I'm not. Mental health is super important.

Did the other parents know whether the OP's son would be ok watching that film...?

AlaskanOilBaron · 09/06/2019 20:07

I'm not referring to your post, maimainomai.

LondonJax · 09/06/2019 20:07

My decision when DS is mature enough to watch a film that is classified as not suitable for his age group. My decision if and when he tries alcohol for the first time under 18 years old.

For that reason it is also his friends parents decision what their children can watch or have at our home. Over the years I've checked if friends can have cola (when they were 5 or 6 years old as some parents don't allow it), I have checked what time they can stay up until and I have checked what films they can watch. It's called being a good friend to the parents. It's not hard. There are these things called telephones - you pick them up and have a conversation. And if a parent says no you abide by that. Job done.

If my DS came home having been given alcohol by any means (alcopops or anything else) there would be huge recriminations and many, many people would get to know about it. The child may well sneak a drink in future or a parent may be the first person to decide they can try a drink but it's not for some other person to make that decision for the family. Same with films.

Bloody hell I even checked if my DS's friend could watch Carry on Cleo as I recognise that some parents have strong views on Carry On's. It's just common decency to check with a parent surely!

Waveysnail · 09/06/2019 20:08

I'm on the fence. I have a 8 yr old who adores all Jurassic park and starwars movies. He has seen them all since he was 7 and they are 12s

llangennith · 09/06/2019 20:12

Depends on the film. Some fairly innocuous films have a 15cert.

Betty777 · 09/06/2019 20:13

what is it with Britain and thinking it's fine to teach kids from as early an age as possible that drinking is normal and the only way to relax, have fun, etc. it's bloody weird.

Just because everyone does it, does not mean it's the right thing to do. 50 years ago everyone was smoking, would you have also been offering 13 year olds cigarettes?? FFS

gatsby2019 · 09/06/2019 20:24

For me it depends on the child, my ds has 3 friends over for sleepovers, 2 of them they can watch up to 15s, (they are 10) for the other up to 12a. When he goes to their homes its similar

Sootyandsweep2019 · 09/06/2019 20:33

Londonjax - If I gave your 13 year old WKD, ( alongside food), at a sleepover; if subsequently you came ranting to me about huge recriminations the only recrimation would be your number would be blocked and your child wouldn't be invited again.

And you say many people would know about it 🤣 and...you could tell who you liked ...I wouldn't have done anything wrong.

There'd be "huge recrimations," if somebody gave my 14 year oldchild drugs, touched theirnleg under the table, dared them to shoplift of prank call 999....not if they gave them a glass of wine of WKD

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