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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at family members printing my pics?

247 replies

DemelzaPoldark · 09/06/2019 11:34

This has been annoying me for a while. Am I right to be annoyed?

My DM is over invested in, almost obsessed with my two DC. This is irritating as she frequently oversteps boundaries but DM and DC have good relationship.

Last year family holiday (me, DH and DC) I took lots of pics which I shared on social media to a limited audience of close family. I did this so that DM didn't have to worry or constantly phone to check up, could see kids were happy etc.

On return from holiday DM asked for printed copies of the photos. I said I might get round to it at some point. She kept asking and I kept putting her off. I felt she was being intrusive- my kids, my holiday, my photos. I didn't actually say no, but it was clear she wasn't getting the photos.
Fast forward to Christmas, Dsis presents DM with an album of my holiday, and other, photos which she had lifted from FB. She also presented me with one of my photos, blown up to 8x10 size in a frame (not a photo I really like). She hadn't asked permission. Obviously DM had been complaining that I wasn't providing what she wanted so Dsis decided to remedy the situation.

I do realise that by posting photos on social media you are leaving yourself open to this, but I had been careful to only share with trusted family members. Kids are teens who are firmly against their images being generally shared.

I have now made all my photos private to only me and have blocked DM and Dsis from FB. AIBI?

OP posts:
Pinkyyy · 09/06/2019 11:38

What's the difference between them having a digital or paper version? You shared the pictures with them and they've made a personal family album, it's not like they've made them public. I don't see the issue to be honest.

Penelopepretty90 · 09/06/2019 11:39

A bit weird that your sister ended up giving them to her. A bit intrusive on her part.

However saying that, I would have given my mum the photos if I were you. My mum loves my DC more than she loves me I think! I’m happy for her to take a keen interest in the kids and for the kids to have an interested family- DH’s parents couldn’t care less Hmm
but obviously it does depend on your relationship with her. It seems to me that there are bigger issues with her at play than a few photos!

Sirzy · 09/06/2019 11:39

Kids are teens who are firmly against their images being generally shared

So your getting annoyed at family members disrespecting your views even though you didn’t make it clear while disrespecting the views of your own children which they have made clear?

user1474894224 · 09/06/2019 11:40

If you have an issue don't put pictures on FB. My mum prints my pics all the time to show other people not on FB. She does it because she is proud and pleased. Take it as a compliment. How wonderful to have family that love you.

GruciusMalfoy · 09/06/2019 11:41

I think you're making a bit of a big deal about this. I don't think a grandmother is BU to want some physical copies of photos of her family.

ifoundthebread · 09/06/2019 11:44

I don't understand what difference it makes them having a paper copy to a digital?

Refilona · 09/06/2019 11:44

I’m usually the first to think PILs are mental on these threads but in this case I think YABU. She wants to have pictures of her family to look at. No big deal. Same thing as having digital copies imo. She just thought you were too busy to get them printed.

Fairylea · 09/06/2019 11:45

If you shared them with her on Facebook then I think they are fair game to be honest!

MsSquiz · 09/06/2019 11:45

I love having photos printed off of family and friends, and don't see the difference between having them on fab or having them printed - she is their grandma, not some random stranger.

As a pp said, if it were me, I maybe would've compiled an album for her to have. What is so wrong with grandparents having photos of their grandkids? Whatever their age!

We have a shared photo stream within my in laws for photos of my nephews and niece, and I often print off those photos to put into albums, and have 1 of each of them on my sideboard in the lounge. I'd be really sad if I thought BIL or SIL had an issue with that.

I honestly don't understand why you are so against your mum having photos of her grandkids to enjoy looking at?

Shamoo · 09/06/2019 11:45

Why wouldn’t you let your mum have photos of your children to put up in her house? That’s just seems quite mean. It can’t be because your children don’t want it, or you wouldn’t have put pictures of them on Facebook anyway. I don’t see why you would say no to your mum.

Marlena1 · 09/06/2019 11:45

My DM constantly asked for printed photos. Their generation don't see the ones on screen as the same. I think you are being a tad precious. Is it not good that she loves your children?! My DM oversteps boundaries all the time but I'd rather that than her not caring.

Original poster
DemelzaPoldark · 09/06/2019 11:46

So your getting annoyed at family members disrespecting your views even though you didn’t make it clear while disrespecting the views of your own children which they have made clear?

No disrespecting of views from me, I didn't generally share and checked with kids before posting to a very limited audience.

Yeah, there are probably bigger issues here.

Thanks for your replies.

OP posts:
woollyheart · 09/06/2019 11:46

It's fairly normal for grandparents to have a few photos of their grandchildren. If you want to control which ones they use, it is up to you to give them some as presents. Surely that is what most people do?

I assume that you haven't done this, and they are making the best of a bad job.

AphidEater · 09/06/2019 11:46

Don’t see how paper is different to digital and I think you were mean not to just print some for her in the first place.

SleepingStandingUp · 09/06/2019 11:47

So kids don't like their photos shared, but you did share to people you decided to do it to ehom you wanted to share them with.
Two of those people have physical copies now and THAT is the point where the kids privacy were violated?

Tbh I think you were being a bit weird not just printing her off a few copies or if you didn't want the hassle, sending them by email for her to print themselves.
Is she not allowed school photos etc too?

WorraLiberty · 09/06/2019 11:47

You're making a massive deal out of this as you chose to share the pics anyway, even though you know your teens don't like it.

I took lots of pics which I shared on social media to a limited audience of close family. I did this so that DM didn't have to worry or constantly phone to check up, could see kids were happy etc.

Worst excuse ever ^^

What's wrong with telling your teens to ring or text their gran and let her know they're ok?

If you want to share your holiday pics then that's fine (although I'm not sure your teens agree) but why not be honest about the reason?

nancy75 · 09/06/2019 11:47

Yes, what a terrible person your mum is, loving her grandchildren & wanting photos of them Hmm

Darkstar4855 · 09/06/2019 11:48

YABU. You should have been clear and said you didn’t want them printed instead of just repeatedly fobbing your mother off. It sounds like your sister was trying to do a nice thing by printing them off for your mum as you didn’t seem to be getting around to it.

Blocking them on FB is a total overreaction - just calmly explain that it bothers you and don’t put photos on there in future.

It also seems a bit odd that you are happy to have photos on social media and yet don’t like the idea of printed copies. Even in a closed facebook group, photos can be easily downloaded and passed on. It would make more sense to give her printed photos in the first place and not put them on social media at all.

Sexnotgender · 09/06/2019 11:48

On return from holiday DM asked for printed copies of the photos. I said I might get round to it at some point.

You never said no you can’t have them (which is weird in itself frankly). Your sister probably thought you were busy and was doing you a favour.

If you’re so precious about your photos don’t put them on Facebook.

If you don’t want anyone to have them, ACTUALLY TELL THEM.

m4rdybum · 09/06/2019 11:50

Bloody hell she's your mother not a stranger. Dont see what the issue is of her wanting pictures of your DC.

I send printed pictures to my folks all the time.

blackcat86 · 09/06/2019 11:52

PIL do this and they always choose the most hideous photos. The photo of mine and DHs wedding is actually me queuing him through gritted teeth why one of his extended family who is dislike were front and centre at our wedding whilst my DM was shoved at the back. Even more cringe, they print photos off my Facebook and then present me with the printed copy. They are huge boundary invaders. I would forget about the actual photos and focus on the issue of boundaries.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 09/06/2019 11:53

Quite bizarre to be upset that your DM wants some photos of her GC.

DuffBeer · 09/06/2019 11:54

My mum will often ask me to send her pics of my child and then posts them on her own FB page! It does irritate me slightly but it's just not worth having an argument over.

I don't think there is a problem with your MIL taking prints. But she should do it herself. The photo album thing was a very passive aggressive move by your SIL!

Nikhedonia · 09/06/2019 11:56

This is really bizarre.

You are annoyed that your DM wants photos of her grandchildren Confused

I think it's quite sad that your DM has asked so many times. It obviously means a lot to her and is a nice (and frankly pretty normal) thing for a grandparent to ask for.

ImNotHappyaboutitPauline · 09/06/2019 11:56

I think you're being a bit precious. If there are issues with overstepping boundaries then address those as they arise but wanting photos of her GC is perfectly normal. To be honest if you genuinely think this is somehow an example of being over invested or crossing boundaries then I think the broader problem may well be you and not her.