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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at family members printing my pics?

247 replies

DemelzaPoldark · 09/06/2019 11:34

This has been annoying me for a while. Am I right to be annoyed?

My DM is over invested in, almost obsessed with my two DC. This is irritating as she frequently oversteps boundaries but DM and DC have good relationship.

Last year family holiday (me, DH and DC) I took lots of pics which I shared on social media to a limited audience of close family. I did this so that DM didn't have to worry or constantly phone to check up, could see kids were happy etc.

On return from holiday DM asked for printed copies of the photos. I said I might get round to it at some point. She kept asking and I kept putting her off. I felt she was being intrusive- my kids, my holiday, my photos. I didn't actually say no, but it was clear she wasn't getting the photos.
Fast forward to Christmas, Dsis presents DM with an album of my holiday, and other, photos which she had lifted from FB. She also presented me with one of my photos, blown up to 8x10 size in a frame (not a photo I really like). She hadn't asked permission. Obviously DM had been complaining that I wasn't providing what she wanted so Dsis decided to remedy the situation.

I do realise that by posting photos on social media you are leaving yourself open to this, but I had been careful to only share with trusted family members. Kids are teens who are firmly against their images being generally shared.

I have now made all my photos private to only me and have blocked DM and Dsis from FB. AIBI?

OP posts:
Original poster
DemelzaPoldark · 09/06/2019 11:56

Gawd! Kids are not upset! They gave permission and don't care if gran has more photos to add to her extensive collection.
I asked if I was being unreasonable to be annoyed. General opinion seems to be yes.
I have learned a lesson about privacy and my settings have been changed.
FWIW, I would never print someone else's pics without checking first. I think I am the minority with that one though Grin

OP posts:
ElizaPancakes · 09/06/2019 11:58

Is it not normal now to want to have pictures of your own family members in your house?

Teens never like having their photo taken, sharing with family is not the same as sharing publicly.

I think YABU and odd.

SleepingStandingUp · 09/06/2019 12:00

But someone else only printed them off because you were so unreasonable to start with.

You should have told your Mum you didn't want her having photos of your children

Sirzy · 09/06/2019 12:01

I make my parents a photo calendar each year. I get photos of my nephews mainly from my sisters FB page. It wouldn’t cross my mind not too!

crimsonlake · 09/06/2019 12:01

I just do not get it. Your DM loves your children and wants photos of them, where on earth is the harm in that? How strange.

Drum2018 · 09/06/2019 12:02

YABU. You shared the photos. Your sister didn't just use your photos - she created an album using some of your photos - big deal, you had shared them for the family to see anyway, so putting them in a physical album is no different. It was not a 'passive aggressive move'. Stop sharing photos of your kids if they don't like it.

Heratnumber7 · 09/06/2019 12:02

What if you gave your DSis printed copies and she photocopied them for your DM. Would you be annoyed then? It's the same thing.

BelulahBlanca · 09/06/2019 12:03

What do you mean by obsessed?

Dahlietta · 09/06/2019 12:07

FWIW, I would never print someone else's pics without checking first.

This makes it sound a lot creepier than it is though. I would print a picture of my own children that, say, my sister shared with me. I wouldn't print a picture of my friends having a barbecue at their house.

I don't see the difference between sharing a photo on Facebook and giving someone a print copy. Presumably she isn't going to do anything with them other than keep them in her house and look at them occasionally?

Saracen · 09/06/2019 12:07

YABU. If you didn't want her to print the pictures, you shouldn't have given her access to them via Facebook. It sounds like you never even said, "You can look at these but please don't print them," which would at least have made your wishes clear.

When you told her you might print them off for her when you got around to it, that certainly gave a message which is the opposite of what you're saying here. That implied that you were fine with her having printed copies, but that it was too much bother for you to do it yourself. So it made perfect sense for her to do it herself or for another relative to do it for her. I can't understand how she could possibly have known that you didn't want her to make prints.

hmsvictory · 09/06/2019 12:07

Ffs, your poor mum. You sound obsessed not her. You shared the pictures, you told her you'd get round to printing some, so basically said it was ok.

It happened 6 months ago. YABU and precious

feathermucker · 09/06/2019 12:08

I think it's OTT to block them.

The photos are on FB. The photos are in an album. Literally the sane thing with the exception of not having to log into a phone/computer to see them.

I really don't see the problem at all. My parents have lots of photos printed from FB on their walls.

NannyRed · 09/06/2019 12:09

Yanbu. If you don’t want anyone else seeing your photos, keep them private.
You do know photos do not capture your soul? 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

CripsSandwiches · 09/06/2019 12:10

I've been given a photo book which included some photos I'd taken and put on Facebook. I didn't see any problem at all. Presumably she just wants to hang them up in her home?

WreckingIt · 09/06/2019 12:10

I don't understand why you are so against your mum having pics of her grandchildren.
My parents have hundreds of pics of my kids as well as their great grandchildren.
I have pics of my grandkids in frames all over my home.
Surely this is normal?

NannyRed · 09/06/2019 12:10

Yabu

MockingJay27 · 09/06/2019 12:10

Why on earth wouldn't you want your mum to have nice photos of her grandchildren.
You sound very mean to be honest.

CripsSandwiches · 09/06/2019 12:11

Also surely it would have been more straight forward to tell your DM that you don't mind sharing the photos with a limited audience on Facebook but you don't want them displayed in public (not that your DM's home is public). By saying you might it implies you don't mind but haven't got round to it.

Original poster
DemelzaPoldark · 09/06/2019 12:11

I don't have a ban on DM or other family members having photos. I never said that. I have frequently given DM photos and will usually get her a photo calendar at Christmas.

Maybe it was the demanding before the cases were unpacked and constant going on about it that wound me up. I probably wouldn't have given it a thought if she had printed photos herself.
Dsis should have spoken to me and asked if I minded, since I was too busy to do it myself. I doubt if I would have said no - hadn't managed to say it out loud to mum after all!

OP posts:
chamenanged · 09/06/2019 12:11

You should have told your Mum you didn't want her having photos of your children

No you really shouldn't! You should have printed them for her when she asked. Completely normal and reasonable thing to request. She's their grandmother.

woollyheart · 09/06/2019 12:13

Are you more worried about the copyright of your photos or were you objecting to them having images of your children?

Crinkle77 · 09/06/2019 12:13

There must be a back story here.

MyKingdomForBrie · 09/06/2019 12:13

You're being a complete tit. Why the actual fuck does it annoy you that your own mother wants pictures of your children?!

And that her daughter did the very simple thing that she asked for to make her happy?!

I cannot imagine being so unwilling to make my own loved ones happy as to refuse to do something so totally minor.

You shared the pictures with her. She just wanted them to keep in a format she likes, physical not electronic.

The fact that you have now blocked your mother and sister over this is weird, pathetic and fucking mean.

SmilingThroughIt · 09/06/2019 12:15

Amazing that you have teenage children yet you haven't grown up. How weird are you about the photos. What do you really think your own mother is going to do with them.

Freudianslip1 · 09/06/2019 12:15

If this is your idea of being over invested then you are living a great life. Your DM loves her dgc, it's hardly a crime of the year. You sound strangely controlling.