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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at family members printing my pics?

247 replies

DemelzaPoldark · 09/06/2019 11:34

This has been annoying me for a while. Am I right to be annoyed?

My DM is over invested in, almost obsessed with my two DC. This is irritating as she frequently oversteps boundaries but DM and DC have good relationship.

Last year family holiday (me, DH and DC) I took lots of pics which I shared on social media to a limited audience of close family. I did this so that DM didn't have to worry or constantly phone to check up, could see kids were happy etc.

On return from holiday DM asked for printed copies of the photos. I said I might get round to it at some point. She kept asking and I kept putting her off. I felt she was being intrusive- my kids, my holiday, my photos. I didn't actually say no, but it was clear she wasn't getting the photos.
Fast forward to Christmas, Dsis presents DM with an album of my holiday, and other, photos which she had lifted from FB. She also presented me with one of my photos, blown up to 8x10 size in a frame (not a photo I really like). She hadn't asked permission. Obviously DM had been complaining that I wasn't providing what she wanted so Dsis decided to remedy the situation.

I do realise that by posting photos on social media you are leaving yourself open to this, but I had been careful to only share with trusted family members. Kids are teens who are firmly against their images being generally shared.

I have now made all my photos private to only me and have blocked DM and Dsis from FB. AIBI?

OP posts:
44migraines · 09/06/2019 13:31

Honestly this is probably the most unreasonable post I've ever seen on this site. Why shouldn't a grandma have pictures of her grandkids? it's extremely weird to me that you'd withhold them from her. And if your kids are that uncomfortable with their pictures being shared then why put them on facebook at all? I know you said that only a small number of people can see them, but that feels like a really weak rationale to me

roundtable · 09/06/2019 13:37

Close family members do this all the time from dh's social media.

I like it - it saves me a job and pleases me that they want visual reminders of our dc in their house. Because they love them.

YABU

Weirdpenguin · 09/06/2019 13:40

My kids, my holiday, my photos What a controlling pain in the arse you sound.

Aragog · 09/06/2019 13:41

Whilst its odd that it was your sister who made the album for your mum, it is, imo, far more strange for you to be unwilling to allow your mum any printed copies of photographs you have shared digitally with her. What on earth is so bad about having them printed out?

As for now booking them both on FB over such a trivial matter - unless there is some huge massive back story - what an over reaction! Your poor mum!

BumandChips · 09/06/2019 13:42

You’re upset because your own family printed off pictures of your children that you had already shared on fb with your own family?

Seriously? Hmm

Aragog · 09/06/2019 13:42

My kids, my holiday, my photos

So don't put anything online or show anyone any ever again then.
But it does see a very strange approach.

m0therofdragons · 09/06/2019 13:42

Why on earth wouldn't you give dm lovely pictures of her grandchildren? You sound odd not dm. Confused

IHeartArya · 09/06/2019 13:45

^

Well quite!

birthdaymayhem · 09/06/2019 13:46

My kids, my holiday, my photos - wth ? Weirdly possessive statement. But you were happy to post them on social media...
If you're so possessive over them you should have kept them private on your phone/camera.

You're saying you don't mind if your DM ended up printing them off but not happy for DSis to do it ?

And blocking them in social media because DM got a gift from your DSis and DSis printed off photos your DM wanted and you never got around to/had some weird motive for not wanting her to have prints/are weird about it is a massive over reaction on your part.

You are either a drama llama who's bored and has nothing left to pick on or there's some massive backstory which you haven't shared...

Alsohuman · 09/06/2019 13:49

Granny wants hard copy pictures of her grandchildren - what a bitch.

PortiaCastis · 09/06/2019 13:50

Put pics on the internet they're on fb forever so if you want private pics do not put on internet. You sound extremely precious though and cannot understand why you put pics on social media for all to see anyway, FB can be easily hacked and your pics could be copied by anyone
YABVVVU

zingally · 09/06/2019 13:50

Grandmother, whom daughter has included on a filter of "close friends and family", wants a couple of snapshots of her beloved grandchildren? SHOCKER.

And also... This happened at Christmas, and you're STILL angry about it in... JUNE?! Christ alive...

HernameisGio · 09/06/2019 13:53

Without a backstory you are being mean and odd. Your mum liked the photos of her family and asked you if you would print them off for her. You kept her hanging and Dsis made her the album because it was obvious you weren’t going to do it for her. You and your children are her own family! She’s not just downloading and printing pics of random kids! There would have to be a real backstory for you to look like the reasonable one here

AllTheFours44 · 09/06/2019 13:54

Yeah, so you’re in the wrong, OP. What a strange way you have of looking at things.

zippey · 09/06/2019 13:57

Your mum is being unreasonable for living her go and wanting photos of them round the house.

Let me guess that you would be equally annoyed if she didn’t love your kids and had no photos of them round the house? (Maybe instead had only pics of your siblings kids instead)

Also if your kids don’t like their photo shared, why did you share their photos?

But yes, you are being precious and unreasonable.

Chloemol · 09/06/2019 13:58

I think you are awful. You mother is their grandmother, who wouldn’t want grandmothers to have pictures of their grandchildren? I don’t see why you wouldn’t have just printed off a couple of nice ones for her at the time them you wouldn’t be in this situation. You sound horribly controlling and absolutely awful to your poor mother

Mumofone1593 · 09/06/2019 13:59

My mum always takes photos off my Facebook or WhatsApp messages and prints them on freeprints and it didnt even register to me that it was innapropriate. I think there must be a back story and more going on as in a normal family relationship you wouldn't be upset at photos you have shared being printed.

PortiaCastis · 09/06/2019 14:02

If your kids don't like their images shared why have you scored an own gaol and shared them on fb.
You're not making a lot of sense tbh

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 09/06/2019 14:02

YABU, I'm afraid. If you post photos on sm they are fair game. You can't guarantee that people to whom you give access will have the same privacy settings as you.

Best not to post in future, or just send a few carefully selected print copies of those you don't mind sharing.

AnActualWoman · 09/06/2019 14:04

Nice of your dsis to do that.

You're being very weird about it. If the backstory meant this was a deal-breaker you would have included it. And changing privacy settings over this is bizarre, cringing for you

MindfulBear · 09/06/2019 14:10

If you don't want the photos printed by other people then don't share them.
And if your teens don't want their photos on social media you must abide by their views.
Ask them to share photos themselves with their granny. Does she have whatsapp?
We find that a good way of keeping in touch.

TBH sounds like your problem is less about the photos but about some relationship stuff......

Passmethecrisps · 09/06/2019 14:10

I have a free prints account which I use to send pictures to both grandparents. I select 20 each from the random snaps I take on my phone and send them directly. I know the grannies love them and it helps them feel connected.

I can’t imagine being upset about doing this.

TruffleShuffles · 09/06/2019 14:12

Ignoring the fact you are being extremely weird an unreasonable about this I find it really quite sad that people don’t have printed photos anymore and only have them in digital form. My husbands family have hundreds of family photos that they get out every so often and they all love having a good look through them, it’s just not the same with digital pictures. It’s sad that actual photographs may die out with this generation. Your mother probably feels the same and seeing pictures on a screen just doesn’t give her the same enjoyment as having a physical copy she can look at often.

MiddleClassProblem · 09/06/2019 14:16

There’s a lot reading into the language you use. Even the fact that in your OP you say kids are against their images being shared as if it’s part of the point but in a defensive later post to make replies sound ridiculous you say the kids are fine with it. You are sounding very unreasonable as a person with all these posts and very difficult but it’s very likely to be coming for pain and lashing out. It is child like but that’s probably because that’s who you were when difficulties started.

The realness of it all is that you aren’t handling this rationally in any shape or form. You need to take a step back and look at why you are acting so extremely to this. It’s not just things that have happened but it what it makes you feel and why.

That was mega deep for me but hopefully you can pick your battles in future and see that somethings are nice even if they grate on you.

Billben · 09/06/2019 14:19

Well, I’m going to go against the grain here, and say that I see where you are coming from OP. I stopped posting photos of my children on FB (it was always to a very limited circle of friends and family) when my DM made one of my DDs photos as her profile picture.