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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at family members printing my pics?

247 replies

DemelzaPoldark · 09/06/2019 11:34

This has been annoying me for a while. Am I right to be annoyed?

My DM is over invested in, almost obsessed with my two DC. This is irritating as she frequently oversteps boundaries but DM and DC have good relationship.

Last year family holiday (me, DH and DC) I took lots of pics which I shared on social media to a limited audience of close family. I did this so that DM didn't have to worry or constantly phone to check up, could see kids were happy etc.

On return from holiday DM asked for printed copies of the photos. I said I might get round to it at some point. She kept asking and I kept putting her off. I felt she was being intrusive- my kids, my holiday, my photos. I didn't actually say no, but it was clear she wasn't getting the photos.
Fast forward to Christmas, Dsis presents DM with an album of my holiday, and other, photos which she had lifted from FB. She also presented me with one of my photos, blown up to 8x10 size in a frame (not a photo I really like). She hadn't asked permission. Obviously DM had been complaining that I wasn't providing what she wanted so Dsis decided to remedy the situation.

I do realise that by posting photos on social media you are leaving yourself open to this, but I had been careful to only share with trusted family members. Kids are teens who are firmly against their images being generally shared.

I have now made all my photos private to only me and have blocked DM and Dsis from FB. AIBI?

OP posts:
MorondelaFrontera · 09/06/2019 14:19

YABU

photos posted on social media are public domain.

my kids, my holiday, my photos then don't put them on FB! Grin Grin Grin

AdelaideK · 09/06/2019 14:22

YABU with regards to your mother. It wouldn't hurt you to give her some photos.

But your sister acted strangely imo.

Thehop · 09/06/2019 14:24

You know that this incident alone is probably not that big a deal, but it sounds like it’s part of a wider problem that sounds annoying.

Coyoacan · 09/06/2019 14:29

This is one of the most extreme cases of finding fault with someone for nothing I have ever come across.

DownWithThisSortOfThin · 09/06/2019 14:30

YAB completely unreasonable!

SoupDragon · 09/06/2019 14:30

it was clear she wasn't getting the photos

Why? You'd already shared them on FB. It makes absolutely no sense.

YABU, you should have printed a selected few photos for her and avoided all this.

Preggosaurus9 · 09/06/2019 14:36

My DM did similar. For DC christening presented me with a printed collage of some of the photos I'd sent her on Whatsapp. It felt creepy and weird. I kept it for a while but it just didn't sit right ad I threw it away. I know she has also forwarded the pictures to her friends and other members of my family. Again just creepy and weird. I think it's about etiquette of digital photos really - they are personal, you choose to share them with someone or some people specifically, not put them publically on FB. The younger generation would instinctively get the privacy connotations I think. But to the older generation yeah they're just photos, for everyone to see. I think YANBU. Your DM probably has a history of boundary crossing like my DM does. It's just a constant drip drip of weird behaviour.

Silene · 09/06/2019 14:40

My mum died when we were in our teens. She never saw her grandchildren. Nor did my father. I would have given the world to have been able to share visits, photos, chats, advice, anything. Our children missed so much by never knowing them except through photos, and what I can tell them. My own children share photos pf their families with me and I can’t tell you how happy it makes me.

SmarmyMrMime · 09/06/2019 14:40

I'm struggling to understand the logic here. The photos had already been shared. Paper copies are unlikely to be widely distributed which is the usual concern over digital sharing. You had already established the boundary which implied that those images were fine to be shared.

If there is some complex backstory involving abuse/ toxic relationships or dodgy shrines of grandchild worship, don't share the image in the first place. Blocking is a very strong reaction to this situation.

DownWithThisSortOfThin · 09/06/2019 14:42

Preggosaurus that is awful, I can't believe you threw it away because it didn't sit right. You are just as bonkers and unreasonable as the OP.

I email my in-laws every week with some photos of what the kids are up to. If they chose to print some to keep or display in their own home I would be totally chuffed. It wouldn't occur to me for one second to be annoyed about it. Jeez!

headinhands · 09/06/2019 14:53

I reckon you were/are pissed off with your mum about something and kept putting off giving her pics to be passive aggressive. So when your dsis did it for her it pissed you off that you couldn't enjoy that control.

TrixieFranklin · 09/06/2019 14:55
Hmm
Freudianslip1 · 09/06/2019 15:00

Preggo you were creeped out and threw away pics of your dc because they were a hard copy? That is very weird. It was your mum, not some randomer in the street hiding in the bushes to take private photos of your child.

Beautiful3 · 09/06/2019 15:00

Youve shared them on fb so it's okay.

SmellbowSmellbow123 · 09/06/2019 15:01

I’d be pissed off too op. I think it’s odd that your sister gave an album to your mum of your kids - kids who arent hers and for whom she has no responsibility over. I’d think it mega odd if my sister did that with photos of my kids to my mum.

AnActualWoman · 09/06/2019 15:14

"My DM did similar. For DC christening presented me with a printed collage of some of the photos I'd sent her on Whatsapp. It felt creepy and weird. I kept it for a while but it just didn't sit right ad I threw it away."

That's the weirdest thing I've read on mn for a while.

Fairenuff · 09/06/2019 15:15

You gave your mum access to the digital photos. If you didn't want her to have them, then why share them with her.

I think you're being odd and your sister's idea for a present was lovely for your mum.

I also think you're odd for unfriending both of them on fb.

Sparklesocks · 09/06/2019 15:19

Christ, poor DM having to jump through hoops because she dared asked for photos of her beloved DGC...

Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies · 09/06/2019 15:21

My sister would have done the same for my mum - because I never get round to stuff like that. And I wouldn't have considered it odd - I'd have been pleased because it saved me from doing it/being nagged by dmum to do it.

MsSquiz · 09/06/2019 15:32

How the hell is it creepy and weird for grandparents to show friends photos of their grandchildren?

My gran used to have photos in her purse of everyone in her family and used to show them to her friends at bingo when they would ask how her family was doing.

Can't you see that grandparents are proud of their grandchildren and like to show them off a little?

I'm sure all of you mentalist who think this behaviour is odd would be the first to complain that your parents or parents in law weren't remotely interested in their grandchildren! Printing off bloody photos of their grandkids is nothing abnormal!

MrHaroldFry · 09/06/2019 15:35

You said in your post OP that the photos were posted were to stop your Mum worrying or phoning to check up if kids were ok. That seems a bit odd to me if a family ate just away on two week holiday and she would be worried. So, I'm guessing there is more to her behaviour than just this one thing and you are living with more than just this one incident.

Moving on, You own all of the content and information you post on Facebook
So, to eliminate this in future Watermark all your photos on FB and post lower resolution photos. That way they don't print nicely.

SoupDragon · 09/06/2019 15:40

I’d think it mega odd if my sister did that with photos of my kids to my mum.

Would you have refused to print some for her yourself though?

FilthyforFirth · 09/06/2019 15:41

I find it hilarious you are this precious about photos yet deem it fine to post them on a public forum where, from the minute you post them you no longer have control over them Hmm.

YAB so U. Your DM and DSis big crime is printing photos that you have already shared?! Why would you not want DM to have printed photos of her DGC? So weird...

RosemaryRemember · 09/06/2019 15:45

I am not getting this, what is so different about a printed copy?

RosemaryRemember · 09/06/2019 15:45

These are far from creepy grandparents in my book.