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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed at family members printing my pics?

247 replies

DemelzaPoldark · 09/06/2019 11:34

This has been annoying me for a while. Am I right to be annoyed?

My DM is over invested in, almost obsessed with my two DC. This is irritating as she frequently oversteps boundaries but DM and DC have good relationship.

Last year family holiday (me, DH and DC) I took lots of pics which I shared on social media to a limited audience of close family. I did this so that DM didn't have to worry or constantly phone to check up, could see kids were happy etc.

On return from holiday DM asked for printed copies of the photos. I said I might get round to it at some point. She kept asking and I kept putting her off. I felt she was being intrusive- my kids, my holiday, my photos. I didn't actually say no, but it was clear she wasn't getting the photos.
Fast forward to Christmas, Dsis presents DM with an album of my holiday, and other, photos which she had lifted from FB. She also presented me with one of my photos, blown up to 8x10 size in a frame (not a photo I really like). She hadn't asked permission. Obviously DM had been complaining that I wasn't providing what she wanted so Dsis decided to remedy the situation.

I do realise that by posting photos on social media you are leaving yourself open to this, but I had been careful to only share with trusted family members. Kids are teens who are firmly against their images being generally shared.

I have now made all my photos private to only me and have blocked DM and Dsis from FB. AIBI?

OP posts:

Glitterfisher · 10/06/2019 06:39

From what you've said in your OP you siund really mean and VERY unreasonable. If there is a back story maybe you should have explained as so far nothing you have said could possibly make you sound ok in this scenario unfortunately.

herculepoirot2 · 10/06/2019 06:40

I always think it’s odd when people are so distant with close family but at the same time - I assume - expect certain things from them. Do you expect your DM and DSis to recognise your kids’ birthdays? Do you expect them to ask about them? Do you expect them to help you out in an emergency?

MsTSwift · 10/06/2019 07:02

Agree with everyone else yabu but also in awe that you have teens that aren’t on and do not want their images on SM

origamiunicorn · 10/06/2019 07:15

I'd understand of you had just sent pics in a private WhatsApp and she shared them with strangers but you posted them on FB

DroningOn · 10/06/2019 07:15

I do realise that by posting photos on social media you are leaving yourself open to this

Kids are teens who are firmly against their images being generally shared

Why are you doing this to your kids?

cheesemumma · 10/06/2019 07:19

YABU and a little odd. Your mum wants pictures of her grandchildren. Crime of the century. You're lucky you have a Mother alive who cares. Get over yourself.

NoSauce · 10/06/2019 07:20

Are you always this dramatic? What’s the backstory then and why didn’t you add it in your OP?

gamerwidow · 10/06/2019 07:26

I took lots of pics which I shared on social media to a limited audience of close family. I did this so that DM didn't have to worry or constantly phone to check up, could see kids were happy etc.
This is a rubbish excuse unless your MIL is going to be taking these paper copies and putting posters up of them. Realistically how many people do you think she could share these with as opposed to your sharing of them on SM. Once you put pictures up on SM they’re out of your control. Want to keep them to yourself? Keep them in your phone.
Stop being weird and possessive of your children.

MissB83 · 10/06/2019 07:28

I don't see the problem at all. I have family who have done this with DS' photos (shared a photo with them on WhatsApp which they have printed or they have got it from Facebook then printed out for their own album). Particularly my grandmother. I find it very sweet that they are so invested in my boy that they want to have an album of him!

redcarbluecar · 10/06/2019 07:29

I agree that your sister could have told you she was doing this and checked that you didn’t mind. It’s a bit weird to make an album of someone else’s photos and give it as a gift.

xJodiex · 10/06/2019 07:30

That would have pissed me off and I would block them too. I don't put myself on social media anymore for that reason, anyone can do anything with photos. Zuckerberg and co. aren't trustworthy either tbh.

stucknoue · 10/06/2019 07:34

My mum has a digital photo frame, if i email her pictures (she doesn't have Facebook) then I'm giving her permission basically. It's a bit odd of dsis but I'm guessing dm didn't know how to get them off herself, I don't see the problem, it's no different to sharing online, more secure really

proudestofmums · 10/06/2019 07:41

Tagging on, I read recently that there may be a problem In years to come with accessing digital photos when the current technology is obsolete so current photos etc can’t be transferred to new tablets, phones, computers etc. That sounded alarmingly plausible so I now have lots of albums of printed irreplaceable photos eg of special occasions just in case

RantyAnty · 10/06/2019 07:50

Sheesh OP very weird and mean.

your kids, your photos, your holiday, you said. How bizarre!

She asked you multiple times for some pics but you were too cowardly to tell her you weren't going to give her any.

My DM and MIL, when they were alive, were always printing out pics of family. They made little scrapbooks and wrote notes about the pics. I thought it was really sweet. Because of them, we have one heck of a family ancestry. My DD has taken it over with pride.

Your DM probably didn't know how to print them herself so your DSis printed them for her.

To answer you question. You're behaviour and attitude is in no way normal.

BlagMyChicken · 10/06/2019 08:18

YABU. All of this could have been avoided if you’d printed out the photos yourself, OP. Or said to family members that on this occasion you’d prefer they not be shared/printed, etc.
Once you share the photos, they can be easily saved/printed shared and you can’t complain that someone else has done that when you haven’t explicitly asked them not to. How would they know? Complete overreaction to consider blocking them for something that really is your doing - and that you can’t blame them for!
I actually wonder whether the OP might be do cross about this because perhaps her children are annoyed. Because, as per the OP, they don’t kuch like their photos being shared. I might be reading too much into this, but perhaps the reason the OP didn’t want her mum to have printed copies is because her kids didn’t want them shared in the first place, and now it’s obvious they have. If so, you’re being even more unreasonable I’m afraid.

BearRabbitPants · 10/06/2019 10:24

I think the fact that you have BLOCKED your Mum and Sister on Facebook is horrendous. You sound like an unhinged paranoid nasty cow! Think of how their feelings must be hurt by you doing that!
Unless they have treated you like absolute shit & are abusive why on earth would you block them?! Just because they wanted some printed photos of your children? Be grateful that you have family that give 2 shits about your kids.
YABVVVVVVVVU Hope that helps!

greenrockstar · 10/06/2019 10:30

@BearRabbitPants yep I agree!

thecatsthecats · 10/06/2019 10:45

It's not creepy, or weird, but a technological/generational gap, IMO.

We were away for a long time after our wedding, and back into the full swing of busy times afterwards. We're not 'photo' people, and purposefully minimised the amount of time faffing around for them on our wedding day.

My husband's gran was going insane waiting for us to print them. She wanted to show her church group. They were asking her, every week when she saw them, she said.

Now, doubtless some kind people would make it a priority to sort it out. But whilst giving them to her wasn't an issue, we weren't going to prioritise some people we'd never met for another round of wedmin. We have the photos on our phones, we shared them in the thank you cards, we'll get around to gifting albums to close family.

But I will never be the kind of person who 'proudly' shows off photos to people who've not met the person in question, so it's not a good enough motivation to move me.

PotolBabu · 10/06/2019 10:46

I am in the ‘I don’t get it’ camp. I share pictures with my parents/in laws and sister and BIL precisely so they can print these off if they needed to without my having to do it.
Your DM asked if she could have some hard copies. You said yes. You didn’t do it. So she asked her other daughter to organise this. (Presumably sister was also given access to the photos) so she printed some off.
If your kids have a problem with their grandmother having some photos of them then either there is a backstory OR your inexplicable hostility for her has rubbed off on them.
But hey, actually by your own admission they DONT mind grandma having some photos of them.
So this is just your issue then!

Birdshitbridgegotme · 10/06/2019 11:16

I think it's a bit weird you wouldn't give your dm the picks if she asked? They are her grandchildren. Yes its weird your sister printed them without asking but your mum was probably fed up asking you. They are her grandchildren

Nofunkingworriesmate · 10/06/2019 16:48

Poor op! 5 pages of Internet spanking !
Hope you're ok and clearly there is a history to your relationship with your mum which makes this scenario so fraught
I assume by now you have unblocked mum and sister from f.b ? If not what are you going to say to them when they ask why they are blocked??

Pinkprincess1978 · 10/06/2019 20:22

I don't understand your problem to be honest. My mum likes a photo calendar and I make her one for Xmas every year. I travel through my siblings Facebook and instagram to find pictures so there is a mix of all her children and grandchildren. It wouldn't occur to me that they would mind. Don't post of social media no matter how limited you think it is if you don't want others to have access to your photos. Wait until you come home and show them a digital version only.

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