to be ok to not want grandkids

[danmthatonestakentryanotheer]

My Dd (27) informed me months ago that she and her Dp have decided that they do not want children (they've been together since uni). She is a children's entertainer so doesn't "hate" them, she just doesn't feel the need to have any of her own and neither does he. I am absolutely fine about this as,imo, it's their choice, their life. Recently the topic of grandchildren came up during a lunch with friends and when I mentioned that dd had chosen not to have kids I was met with comments like "oh she'll change her mind don't worry" and " she's so selfish you must be terribly upset" I politely repied that no I wasn't upset but glad that she wasn't going to have them to please other people. It's not just friends that have been this way, family have been the worst....I'm fed up of being pitied, of hearing my dd being called selfish, of horrible remarks about her "controlling" dp, (he's not controlling btw way he's a lovely man who worships her). Why can't people just accept that some women just don't want children and are happy with the decision they have made. As I said I'm perfectly happy not to have grandkids because I respect that it's my girls wish not to have children

I feel as you do. My own kids are young, but dh was talking the other day about how sad he would be not to have grandkids in the future. He asked what I felt, but didn't understand that all I want is happiness for my own kids. If that doesn't include kids of their own then that's totally fine with me!

I only want for them to be able to have them if and when wanted. If they don't want them, also fine!

It's fine to feel like you do. They sound selfish putting pressure on their DC to give them grandchildren to be honest. Your daughter must be relieved to have a mum like you.

The thing is that they may change their minds, they are still young. Then again, they may not.
You are supportive of their adult choices which is great.
YANBU. At all.

YANBU at all. Can't believe that people are calling her selfish, given that having children is probably one of the most selfish thing that anyone can do, due to the effect on the planet. We need more people to abstain in order to offset the impact of those who have multiple offspring.

Personally, I would love to have grandchildren in the future, but if dd decides that she doesn't want kids, I will respect that choice. Above all, I just want her to be happy.

Yanbu but honestly, I'd just stop discussing it with other people.

Yanbu oddly enough this topic came up at a family get together. I have young DC so a long way away from gc. However everyone found it a bit outrageous that I said I didnt mind not having gc. DH then joined in And said he wasnt too bothered either.
I honestly feel it's up to my DC to decide. I dont plan on raising or doing childcare ft for any gc in any case.

I wish my own mother was more like you. She said to me last year that if I didn’t have children it would be ‘the worst thing I could do to her’ and she sometimes talks about her fears that my sister (who is only in her twenties) will leave it to late to start (sister by no means knows whether she wants kids at all) and then ‘it will be too late and it will ruin her life’.

She is in all other respects a lovely, kind, caring, supportive woman but on this particular issue she’s a nightmare.

Its fine to feel however you feel.

To be completely honest I'd put a reasonable amount of money on them changing their mind.

But if they don't they're lucky they've got such an understanding, supportive, unselfish mum/mil. You're the exception to the rule, I'd say.

Take it you just have one daughter incidentally?

(well, child?)

I always knew I wanted children but my dp wasn’t so sure. His mum has pressured us for around 8 years of our 11 year relationship. It was incredibly stressful.
Then I fell pregnant whilst on the pill and my dp although scared was excited and we have a dd now who is just perfect. Feeling pressured to have children is such a horrible feeling.
Well done for not putting this pressure on your dd. X

I wish I was like you, OP. I won’t be having any grandchildren and I’m very, very sad about it, especially when I see the bond my husband has with his. I don’t allow myself to think about it very often.

Perfectly OK. Out children have to live their own lives and work out what they want. You're being sensible.

YANBU. I wouldn't tell anyone because all you'll get is 'she'll change her mind'.

@Alsohuman how old are you dh's grandkids? My step father never had any children and married my mum when they were 50/51. He's very close to my child and dB children. They are his grandchildren as much as my mums.

Grandchildren are a privilege, not a right

I hate this idea that people who don’t want children will “change their mind”

not sure how to reply to individuals (not used to this) so I shall do it this way. I do only have the 1 offspring. The chances of her changing her mind are slim to none. I was asked at the lunch "any sign" of my dd getting married and having kids yet after 9 years of being with her dp...to which the answer was "no" to both questions which is why the conversation went how it did. Thankyou all for replying. I just wanted some kind of acknowledgement that I wasn't BUR.

Stop discussing with others then you shan't have to listen to the opprobrium. Yanbu.

Stop talking about it, problem solved. It’s no one else’s business is it.

The answer is always I don't know what their future plans are then nove onto holidays or work grumbles etc to divert.

YANBU as long as you don't make it obvious how you feel if they change their minds.

YANBU. The world is in a terrible state and will be far far worse in a couple of decades' time. I love small children, but am strongly encouraging my dds not to have their own, but to consider adopting.

The reason why people say this, generally, is because their GC bring joy. YANBU to feel as you do though.