to be ok to not want grandkids

[danmthatonestakentryanotheer]

My Dd (27) informed me months ago that she and her Dp have decided that they do not want children (they've been together since uni). She is a children's entertainer so doesn't "hate" them, she just doesn't feel the need to have any of her own and neither does he. I am absolutely fine about this as,imo, it's their choice, their life. Recently the topic of grandchildren came up during a lunch with friends and when I mentioned that dd had chosen not to have kids I was met with comments like "oh she'll change her mind don't worry" and " she's so selfish you must be terribly upset" I politely repied that no I wasn't upset but glad that she wasn't going to have them to please other people. It's not just friends that have been this way, family have been the worst....I'm fed up of being pitied, of hearing my dd being called selfish, of horrible remarks about her "controlling" dp, (he's not controlling btw way he's a lovely man who worships her). Why can't people just accept that some women just don't want children and are happy with the decision they have made. As I said I'm perfectly happy not to have grandkids because I respect that it's my girls wish not to have children

My husband's grandad won't shut up about us (well, actually, just me) having children.

I don't understand how it can be considered selfish NOT to have children, but not considered selfish to demand someone else have them and all the stress, work and money that entails so that you can see a small child sharing 1/8 of your DNA six times a year.

I don't think my dc will ever have dc of their own, just a feeling I get. I'm pretty meh either way, I don't understand why some people expect to be a gp and get devestated if they're not.

Being a good parent requires an enormous amount of self-sacrifice, by implication if you choose not to be a parent you are choosing not to be self-sacrificing

I wish more people had your mindset. It so ingrained that procreation is the be all even when people have said that they don’t want to, especially women.

I still recall my dad asking me at 22 when I was going to settle down so he can be a grandparent, using the excuse that all his friends have grandchildren and that he had me at 23, ignoring that I hadn’t been out of uni a year, the economy was s**t, I barely had enough money to take care of myself, I wanted to be married and able to afford them, and I wasn’t ready to have children. He also ignored that him and my mother weren’t even living together, my mother nearly died having me, I was born 2 months early and was in the hospital for over a month, they had to have help from their parents and barely could afford me or the hospital bills. The conversation then came up again at 24 with my sister saying I should have a baby and my parents in agreement with the only difference was I was in a relationship, but they didn’t even mention him and talked as if I should just get knocked up, they would help me take care of it, set up a nursery in the house and such. My answer to that was marrying my then boyfriend the next year, moving 4,000 miles away to be with him, buying a house, and having our first child at 28 as we had planned together. I wouldn’t have accomplished much of what I wanted if I had did what they wanted. Any parent that wants their children to have children just so they can be grandparents needs to give their head a wobble. I get even more annoyed when people tell me I should hope my boys get married and have children so I can get a granddaughter. I rather my boys be happy regardless if they have children or not.

Being a good parent requires an enormous amount of self-sacrifice, by implication if you choose not to be a parent you are choosing not to be self-sacrificing

No. It just means you’re not choosing to be a parent. You can be selfless is hundreds of other ways.

But what’s wrong with choosing not to be self-sacrificing anyway? I actively don’t want to sacrifice anything about the way my life is now, and I don’t really see why that’s a problem?

Both my grown sons have said they and their partners don't want kids, I'm good with that. One wants a dog, so said I could dog sit.
I wouldn't pressure either them or the partners, it's their life their choice not mine.
Should their life change and they change their minds I'm OK with that too. Not that I would ever say to them, they may change their minds. It's not my business.
I wouldn't mind a couple of weddings though and have said I'm up for a good wedding. Both said the other has to go first.

Yes, I’ve met a number of self-sacrificing mummy martyrs. They often make a point of listing all the ways they are devoted to their offspring.
I think it’s one of the more revolting descriptions of parenthood, personally.

Grandchildren are a privilege, not a right

What a sanctimonious comment! In what way are they a 'privilege'?

No-one should be pressured but do realise that when you pod you're nothing special, despite the attitudes festering today.

I mentioned not having children (I'm 37) recently to a friend in relation to booking a holiday during term time (when it will be quieter!) and was met with an absentminded "it must be terribly disappointing for you, but there's still time"

I was . Funny how we're automatically viewed with pity! I'm fine actually, thanks!

Troels, I would far rather have dogs (or cats) than grandchildren or even children.

My parents treat my dogs like grandchildren, sending them birthday cards and buying presents. Dogs are so much less hassle

@Alsohuman You could be a Grandma to my DD if we knew you! Her paternal Grandparents don't bother with her 😢 Breaks my heart

Having a child ended my career (primarily as I became a single parent). By the time she is old enough to be left alone whilst I'm on 12 hour night shifts, I'll be approaching the point of being too old to cope with them shifts.
I fell pregnant unexpectedly after TWO forms of contraception failed! I am not naturally maternal. I struggle with the fake excitement etc and often think of all the things I could do if I was childless.

However I adore my little girl and do not regret having her. Not for a second. I'm the last person you'd ever imagine being a Mum but having a baby is amazing! Now I'm crazily broody for another and want a complete family more than anything in the world!
(Sadly, DD's paternal Grandparents aren't interested and neither is her Father anymore).

My point is, you just never know what could change or what life will bring. However there are pluses to either side of the coin in today's society. It's a total non-issue and everyone else should be minding their own business!!