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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I have been reported to SS

402 replies

mooning123 · 08/06/2019 08:02

I have a DS with ASD and LDs. he is 10 but cognitively much younger well.

anyhow, we went out the other day and whilst I was getting something from the house and DS was waiting outside for a minute, a lady living down the street and her 7 yo DD pass by. for whatever reason, DS dropped his trousers to show his bum to them. he has never done anything before.

Said lady is also a HV and when she passed by today and saw me outside told me, she would (or already has) reported us to social services over safeguarding concerns re DS as he mooned at them and I am clearly unable to keep him safe.

DS is very well looked after. But with a child with SN, sometimes, you take your eyes off them for a moment or two (generally speaking, DS is always with an adult).

I am terrified what will now happen? anybody any insight?

OP posts:
DizzyPigeon · 08/06/2019 08:04

Sounds like a complete overreaction from the HV's pov. I think SS have much more pressing things to deal with than a 7 year old baring his arse. He's just at that age that bums and Willie's and poo is funny.

Try not to worry.

slipperywhensparticus · 08/06/2019 08:04

They will laugh about it how is flashing your arse a safety concern? Unless your driving a car of course

Original poster
mooning123 · 08/06/2019 08:05

he is 10. her DD who was with her was 7.

OP posts:
DizzyPigeon · 08/06/2019 08:05

(no insight from a SS pov though, sorry, just experience as a parent.)

DizzyPigeon · 08/06/2019 08:06

Sorry, yes. I did see that.

I still don't think it's an issue.

herculepoirot2 · 08/06/2019 08:07

Going to go against the grain here. While of course this is not your DS’ fault, a ten year old dropping his trousers at passing children needs constant supervision. She has no way of knowing how well supervised he is usually. She only knows a lad who could well be starting puberty is dropping his trousers at her daughter.

paranoiamumma · 08/06/2019 08:10

I would imagine she has done a m,a,s,h referral, in my experience they will write to
You telling you of the concern and wether they feel they will process it further.
When I was having issues with my daughter b4 asd diagnoses , I asked her support worker to us , on the hope we would get help.
We didn't they wrote telling my issues didn't meet their criteria.
So hopefully it will Be just that, and flashing his bottom doesn't meet the criteria either .

Tableclothing · 08/06/2019 08:11

I think it's quite possible that it wouldn't meet SS thresholds - in which case you might hear from some sort of family support worker who will ask if they can do anything to help. No penalty for saying 'no thank you'.

vickibee · 08/06/2019 08:11

Kids with asd don’t really understand appropriate behaviour that OST take for granted, h3 prob just thought it was funny and acted on an impulse A massive overreaction from the lady here.

ThunderR0ad78 · 08/06/2019 08:13

The neighbour needs to get a grip - poor you!

mindproject · 08/06/2019 08:13

The HV is completely overreacting. All children do mad things time to time. The most you will get is a visit and that will be that. Don't worry about it.

lorribella · 08/06/2019 08:13

Sounds like a bit of a busy body. I work alongside social workers and they would contact the referrer to discuss the referral and discuss the details, they would be a bit Hmmthat the hv is on a bit of a power trip 'I'm a health visitor I will report you'. Ss might just deal with it over a phone call and close the case unless there is other concerns.

Don't worry op if ss want to come out then deny consent and laugh it off and say it's a bit ridiculous and your not happy that a hv is using her personal time to look out for any little issue to report because of her job role.

PurpleDaisies · 08/06/2019 08:14

She had concerns, she reported them. That’s the right thing to do.

You don’t have anything at all to worry about op.

Freudianslip1 · 08/06/2019 08:15

This sounds very odd. Him randomly mooning has nothing to do with you failing to keep him safe. You'll most likely get a phone call from SS and possibly even a visit, but I think they will be rolling their eyes at this one. I really don't think you have anything to worry about. Just explain about his ASD and development delay and how this has never happened before. Perhaps you could make a social story (if you use those) for you son to reinforce that we keep our underwear on in publ ic.

lorribella · 08/06/2019 08:16

I meant to add, if she was referring you under the fact she's a health visitor then she should have gained your consent to make a referral. Otherwise then her job title is irrelevant as member of the public.

I would be very inclined to contact her employer local trust area to report that she is using her position outside of work in an intimidating way

lorribella · 08/06/2019 08:17

Concerns need to be based on more than one thing in my experience. It's not justified, stand your ground op.

namechangef · 08/06/2019 08:17

When DS (who is being assessed for ASD) he showed another child in his class his willy (under the direction of another child, as confirmed by the child it has been shown to). His teacher referred it to SS because he had done similar once, a year before. SS had absolutely no interest and didn’t follow it up at all, it was stressful at the time though!

YouSayPotatoesISayVodka · 08/06/2019 08:19

You’d have thought a HV would have some perspective- they see all sorts in their jobs surely? I wouldn’t worry too much about what SS say- if they say anything at all- given that your son is a well looked after child and having a child with additional needs is a struggle at the best of times. SS know this.

FermatsTheorem · 08/06/2019 08:20

Firstly, what a shock for you. Flowers

It was actually correct of her to report (as a professional in the field I don't think she had any choice - she will have a statutory duty to report) because in some children this might be a sign that the child was prematurely sexualised by abuse (it is also far, far more likely that it's just a silly child being silly and social services will know this).

However I can see why you are panicking - I would be too. My understanding of how SS work is that they will show up, you will explain that your son has Apergers and his behaviour is typically that of a much younger child, and they'll say that makes perfect sense, case closed, no further action.

Quartz2208 · 08/06/2019 08:20

I think the point is here a 10 year old boy flashed in front of a 7 year old girl - its about that behaviour and the fact that he was outside alone and allowed to do it

Dontcarewhatimdoing · 08/06/2019 08:24

I take it this lady didn't know about your sons LD's and ASD? If so I can see why she might be concerned, as that would be odd behaviour from a NT 10 year old. So from that point of view I can see why she'd report it.

As others have said, you have nothing to worry about. You may get a call or visit from SS, where you can explain that he is cognitively much younger than his age, in which case what he did makes perfect sense, and is no cause for concern.

Original poster
mooning123 · 08/06/2019 08:25

its about that behaviour and the fact that he was outside alone and allowed to do it

he was out alone for 2 minutes. I cannot keep an eye on him every waking second of the day.

I have asked for respite care before and always get shot down. I work, I have another child. I have zero break. and social services never wanted to know when I requested a carers assessment to get respite.

is this something to possibly use to get a decent repite care package?

OP posts:
kmammamalto · 08/06/2019 08:25

Thing is, I guess her concern is that if he's doing it to her, who else is he exposing himself to and how much of the implications of this does he understand? He's more venerable to exploitation than other 10 yos which I'm sure you are well aware of.
However all the boys on my school bus used to pull mooneys out the window and were never referred to social services so I guess I can see both sides!
If they do contact you maybe they can help/suggest ways you can help him grasp the importance of his private parts and own body so you have piece of mind he wont be taken advantage of?!
I've worked with many autistic student (Although no one is ever the same as someone else!) And can imagine the way it happened and how he will have thought of it!
Sorry you're dealing with this. It sounds very stressful.

lorribella · 08/06/2019 08:26

@FermatsTheorem it's not her statutory duty if she is not in work and op is also not on her caseload so to speak. She has a statutory duty to report about those she works with and identify justified concerns. If it was in the course of a home visit to op she would have discussed those concerns and easily dismissed them before getting to a ss referral point. The hv is in the wrong, she sounds like she's on a power trip

herculepoirot2 · 08/06/2019 08:26

in which case what he did makes perfect sense, and is no cause for concern.

I wouldn’t necessarily agree with this. He can’t go around dropping his trousers at ten and needs to be prevented from doing so by the responsible adult. It is technically indecent exposure.

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