I have been reported to SS

[mooning123]

I have a DS with ASD and LDs. he is 10 but cognitively much younger well.

anyhow, we went out the other day and whilst I was getting something from the house and DS was waiting outside for a minute, a lady living down the street and her 7 yo DD pass by. for whatever reason, DS dropped his trousers to show his bum to them. he has never done anything before.

Said lady is also a HV and when she passed by today and saw me outside told me, she would (or already has) reported us to social services over safeguarding concerns re DS as he mooned at them and I am clearly unable to keep him safe.

DS is very well looked after. But with a child with SN, sometimes, you take your eyes off them for a moment or two (generally speaking, DS is always with an adult).

I am terrified what will now happen? anybody any insight?

Op, you will be fine, social services will have no interest in your son mooning, they have far more important work to do.
Hysterical responses on MN as usual which goes to show how little the general public understand SN. Someone will be along in a minute to say your DS is a pervert and shouldn’t be within a mile radius of a female child.
My DS has quite severe SN and he went through a mooning phase, he did it at school too, he is at a SN school where such behaviour is gently dealt with. The phase has passed, he now has some understanding that it’s socially unacceptable.
I know how hard it is juggling life with a SN child, work, home, other children to care for whilst having to have eyes in the back of your head looking out for the SN child.
Op, seriously you have no worries.
You are doing a grand job, please try not to worry.
Also remember the more attention (positive or negative) your child gets when they do something considered inappropriate the more they will do it. Biding your time and waiting for the right moment to talk to your DS is the way to go.

Ignore anyone telling you you should be supervising more closely. WTF. It's clearly not possible to watch a 10yo every second.

Also from his pov it is good that this has happened. Now you can begin discussing clothes in public and boundaries around that. If he never makes mistakes, how will he learn? And he's going to make lots, because he is wired differently from most of society. Best you can do is help him through the issues that matter.

Lorribella

• Yes- Healthcare processionals have a 'duty of care' that extends outside of their professional hours.

• no, it's unlikely they would point out a passer by who had skin issues, but they would certainly go over to assist if they saw a road traffic accident, or somebody collapse in the street- which is a good thing surely?!

• all of this is largely irrelevant anyway- the neighbour in question probably just reported it for her own peace of mind, and nothing to do with her job role. She has a greater awareness of safeguarding procedures because of her job, and saw something that worried her.

• she has no control over the amount of time that will pass between her reporting a concern and social care getting in touch with the OP, so her only other option would have been not to tell OP what she had done. That is wrong.

Sorry you're having a tough time OP 💐

Try not to worry. Dd's (also ASD) school reported me last week because I complained about a safeguarding fail. SW who contacted me couldn't have been nicer. Said himself it was tit for tat because of my complaint, asked if he could verify with CAMHS that dd had been seen by them as I stated. I had supplied the school with the report but they didn't mention that! He then phoned within minutes to say he had closed the referral and to not think anymore about it.
It was a complete waste of resources and a malicious referral by the school nothing more

Yes use it to get an assessment.
Befriending buddy service or other.
It means you have to take him back in house next time.

Point out you can't leave him alone even 2 minutes.

And it can get worse sorry! A teenager dropping pants is a lot worse.

lorribella hv do have a duty whilst in the community and they would routinely inform families when referred to ss.. The hv saw a vulnerability and safeguarding hazard and acted accordingly. This is not the same as binmen collecting rubbish in their spare time or doctor's making a clinical diagnosis when stood paying for their dinner at Tesco.

I am sure that something positive will come from this and the original poster may find herself receiving some support.

This seems like an over reaction from the neighbour if it hasn’t happened before but have other things happened in the past that may have been uncomfortable to neighbours, like late night noise, etc so this is a last straw?

I think that despite how annoyed you may feel, this may be your one and only opportunity to put your case to a SW about how much you need respite and support. So put together a list with other examples and use this problem as an opportunity to demand the help you need.

I have safeguarding training and the advice is certainly not 'report everything'. It's 'use your common sense'.

We must have had very different safeguarding training. Mine was “Report any concern, however minor.”

‘One cannot access respite, no wrap around and school holiday childcare for children with SN, no help and support for parents and of you dare to take your eyes off for one moment because, then you are painted as an unfit parent and grassed up to SS . that's how it feels to me right

Yes, OP, that was exactly my experience, but in a different EU country, so it is not just the U.K. School even tried to make me send him to a childminder at lunchtime ffs. They tried to threaten me with SS, but I said ‘bring it on, you will be the ones who end up looking silly’.

In your position, I would share with SS some choice phrases regarding ‘professionals’ who have no tolerance of diversity, ask if they can give you any support, and politely request, if they can’t, that they leave you alone to get on with parenting in this complex situation and ask that woman to get off your back.

It’ll be fine, OP, my sister has a child with disabilities in the UK, SS never had the tiniest interest in a disabled kid, they couldn’t keep far enough away for fear of being asked to do something.

I wouldn't worry as I'm sure you know with a child with asd all you would have to do is ask ss for help then watch them scarper (sorry bit bitter here)
You will get a phone call as a tick box exercise.

If the hv had a genuine concern and was not just on a power trip she would have taken account of all the available evidence before making that referral. Including checking whether the the child had any diagnosis that might explain the behaviour.

She isn’t reporting in her role as HV to the family. She’s a concerned citizen with a safeguarding concern. Investigating would be totally inappropriate.

I have safeguarding training and the advice is certainly not 'report everything'. It's 'use your common sense'

That’s quite worrying. Where did you come across this nonsense?

Gosh that is concerning. Must be exhausting for your safeguarding lead sifting through every bruised knee and headache you send their way hercule

So he is putting himself at risk and soon it will be seen as predatory.
Definately you need more help. He needs help with appropriate behaviour. Don't know what her motives were (think I would have spoken to you first). Good she told you. Hope you get sensible response. Maybe give school heads up as well.

Gosh that is concerning. Must be exhausting for your safeguarding lead sifting through every bruised knee and headache you send their way

Are you being deliberately obtuse? In what way would a (straightforward) bruised knee or headache be a safeguarding concern? Totally different to a child exposing private parts in public.

I'm quite worried that physical injuries weren't covered in your training purple tbh

She saw unsuitable behaviour by a child nearly at high school, witnessed by her child, and decided to report as she had saferguarding concerns. It was the right thing to do.

What are you talking about ruffle?

Oh dear purple. No wonder you're struggling with the idea of using one's common sense if you have such trouble following a simple online conversation.

I'm feeling very old and out of step reading this thread.

Is it really felt these days that a 10 year old showing his bum by doing a moonie is 'exposing his private parts'? It was just a silly joke when I was that age.

Conman sense doesn’t come into it. It’s knowledge of which types of injury and behaviour are concerning.

I hope you don’t work with actual children ruffle if you’re just relying on common sense.

^common

RuffleCrow

It probably is. Sometimes people report things that aren’t concerning. I personally don’t find bruised knees concerning. A child dropping his trousers to get a reaction from a younger child, I do.

I think it's part of a culture whereby we feel defeated by the sheer scale of child abuse as perpetuated mainly by men, so we convince ourselves we can tackle it by reporting mothers for having a disabled mooning 10 year old. It's not even a sticking plaster.

Have to say if I was walking with my young dc and a 10 year old exposed themselves to us, I would have concerns. Bearing in mind we would probably not be aware that the child had ASD. If it’s not addressed, it could be a 16 year old exposing themselves in a few years time, which would be a bigger concern.

RuffleCrow

The concern is that the child might continue with the behaviour.