I have been reported to SS

[mooning123]

I have a DS with ASD and LDs. he is 10 but cognitively much younger well.

anyhow, we went out the other day and whilst I was getting something from the house and DS was waiting outside for a minute, a lady living down the street and her 7 yo DD pass by. for whatever reason, DS dropped his trousers to show his bum to them. he has never done anything before.

Said lady is also a HV and when she passed by today and saw me outside told me, she would (or already has) reported us to social services over safeguarding concerns re DS as he mooned at them and I am clearly unable to keep him safe.

DS is very well looked after. But with a child with SN, sometimes, you take your eyes off them for a moment or two (generally speaking, DS is always with an adult).

I am terrified what will now happen? anybody any insight?

for some reason CAHMS don't think they have any sway over the decision of a 13 year old

They can't force therapy on people who don't want it. Therapy is hard work and the client must be motivated to make changes in their life outside the therapy room or they won't benefit. Motivation to change is really important. Therapists can help people see what and how to change, but change has to come from the client themselves. It's not like making a kid do their geography homework. And that's leaving aside the whole issue of consent in healthcare, which is pretty important.

But pur problem tableclothing was that dd wanted help and independently asked for it and i dependently knew there was something wrong and they refused to listen or provide it focussing instead on looking for parenting issues. Please tell me that isn't right from a professional perspective.

There was money for:
CAMHS assessmebt one - case closed
A&E admission with 1:1 nurse (because A&E didnt know the on-site MHLiaison nurse could assess over 16s
CAMHS assessment 2 which recommended counselling delivered quickly
Assessment 2 by Heads Together that said counselling wd be fine after 8-10 weeks

But there were no resouces for proper professional dr led assessment or diagnosis.

Please tell me that isn't right from a professional perspective.

I can't comment on a specific case when I've never met any of the people involved or worked in any of those particular services (I'm 99.99% sure on the second bit).

I'm sorry that you and your dd had such a negative experience. I'm glad to read that she is doing so well now.

Because resources are wasted. Of course you can't comment. It would be inappropriate based on the facts.

Well yes consent is important but so is persuasion and i can only do so much. At 13 you can't understand the long term benefits of therapy or the consequences of not having it. For them to just shrug and say "ok" without making any kind of logical argument as to why it's a good idea is really just setting her up for the next crisis.

But she's not doing well due to what the state offered yet still my parenting was questioned.

The consent issue is a very convenient excuse that helps them avoid providing interventions Ruffle. They couldn't discuss their failures with me due to consent because dd was over 16.

Please get your mp on side. It makes a terrific difference in persuading them to up their game and do something other than make excuses

Had similar with my son when was 5. Social came saw him had a chat were happy all was well will offer support if you need it.

The consent issue is a very convenient excuse

I imagine that if healthcare providers started treating you without your consent it might suddenly become quite important.

They couldn't discuss their failures with me due to consent because dd was over 16.

Yes, those are the rules. Confidentiality forbids discussing cases with third parties without the client's consent. Again, I'm fairly sure that if your doctor began discussing your private information with, say, your aunt, and you had not consented to this, you would be pretty annoyed.

Privacy and confidentiality concerns were pretty much disregarded when they offered inappropriate and inaccessible group therapy and refused to discuss an alternative. Evidently all the participants were told to keep what was said confidential so concerns were silly. Hmm half a dozen 15/16 year olds sticking to that eh?

Happily dd gave her full consent for things to be discussed with me after receiving a letter full of inaccuracies and downright lives. All part of the tacky web that is weaved. No doubt you think the lack of transparency and hiding vehind consent is fine. This isn't about discussions relating to two mentally well adults it relates to parrents and children ttying tobseek support for a young person who is mentally unwell and trying to deal with a system designed to do as little as possible.

Anyway I am upsetting myself now and this happenrd three years ago. The impact of the extent to which thecsystem endeavours to work against caring parents was and is huge. Stop being so dismissive of it.

Some like my children's cousin go straight into SW degree after A-levels and have no children.

Why is not having children relevant to whether you’re going to be a good social worker?

Oh and it wasn't just private information, they refused to discuss appointments they said would happen in front of dd and me with me. It was a veil to hide the fact they were failing her. They also couldn't discuss why they told me one thing and wrote another in a letter addressed to us both.

The shitty attitudes on here would be enough to discourage any child of mine from training as a SW

I think a social worker or a health visitor that doesn’t have children is an interesting debate . I would imagine as a SW or a HV who is parent / step parent you have more understanding of certain situations because you have more experience, and some might say empathy. Not to say that makes you a “better” one.

Before I had children I really didn’t understand how difficult and overwhelming some things were about having children. Obviously. I can only imagine if my job was to work with children how differently I might view things once I’d been through the looking glass of motherhood!

That’s not to say these roles, or ones such as nursery staff, teachers or ta’s etc should be the preserve of parents that would be outrageous, but becoming a parent is such a seismic shift it must make you see things differently if you occupy one of these roles.

So I can see why some people would view things that way.

@Oliversmumsarmy I am aware of a similar situation in which an ex husband told lies because he was no longer in control of the ex wife. Social Workers could not see that or accept that they were taken in by a known liar.
They made life miserable for the mum and DCs.

They don't protect children who are in real abuse situations but OMG they can plough in with every sort of nasty lies on the say so of an ex husband.
I wonder if Social Workers are afraid of men. Maybe they should think that one through. How many men faint during childbirth and women just deal with it. Women are stronger than they seem to know.

PurpleDaisies

I certainly would find it harder to take advice from a person straight out of education with limited life experience and no lived understanding of the difficulties involved in raising children of their own.

I imagine less reasonable people, especially those from tougher circumstances, and backgrounds might bulk even further.

We don't pretend that having prior experience in related fields to a job you are applying for may give you an advantage.

So why do we pretend it doesn't add anything to a job which involves handling families if you have raised a family, dealt with sleepless nights, dealt with colicky crying babies, dealt with terrible twos, dealt with accident prone adolescents, dealt with know it all teens?

Of course if I was having my parenting evaluated by SS I'm much more likely to respond positively to someone who is similar in age and can relate to some of my experiences.

By shitty attitudes, Fibbke, do you mean the lived experience of those who have been badly let down?

The fall out of these reports is huge and disturbing. You will never see what happens or the effect it has on families because they make sure they never cross paths with SS again. Spot on. We keep right away from them now and wouldn't go near them with a barge pole. Whole family damaged by their deceit, lies and false reports and still suffering years later (particularly the children who are now adults). The impact of the extent to which the system endeavours to work against caring parents was and is huge. Again spot on. We are still waiting for justice and still have all the false reports with documented evidences. Will always keep them just in case anyone ever does take notice and will do something about it.

Hopefully OP, you will be one of the lucky ones and it will go no further. Fingers crossed for you.

So why do we pretend it doesn't add anything to a job which involves handling families if you have raised a family, dealt with sleepless nights, dealt with colicky crying babies, dealt with terrible twos, dealt with accident prone adolescents, dealt with know it all teens?

The problem is that the main difference it would make would be to increase empathy with the parent, when - often - the vulnerable person is the child. It is shown in research that being too understanding of the problems faced by the parents can be a barrier to looking objectively at whether a family can meet the immediate and long-term needs of the children.

whether a family can meet the immediate and long-term needs of the children. Those very words fill me with dread. I remember what followed those words. I still have PTSD ten years on.

auntethel

I am very sorry that that is the case.

@auntethel - read all your posts. Only those who have seen SW in action or non action can understand just how malicious they can be. Currently applying for information through the correct channels

But having said what I just said, I also recognise that we as a society have elevated what we perceive the ‘needs’ of children to be, quite far above “love”, “food”, “basic hygeine” and so on. It is true that we cannot keep redefining what children “need” until expectations are so high that only a few saints can meet them. I get that.

Mooning happened a week ago. still not heard from anybody and won't ask HV for an update but reading some of the responses, I would lie if I would say I am not worried.

How soon would you usually hear from SS in that case? Any chance they leave us alone if nothing came within a week?