I have been reported to SS

[mooning123]

I have a DS with ASD and LDs. he is 10 but cognitively much younger well.

anyhow, we went out the other day and whilst I was getting something from the house and DS was waiting outside for a minute, a lady living down the street and her 7 yo DD pass by. for whatever reason, DS dropped his trousers to show his bum to them. he has never done anything before.

Said lady is also a HV and when she passed by today and saw me outside told me, she would (or already has) reported us to social services over safeguarding concerns re DS as he mooned at them and I am clearly unable to keep him safe.

DS is very well looked after. But with a child with SN, sometimes, you take your eyes off them for a moment or two (generally speaking, DS is always with an adult).

I am terrified what will now happen? anybody any insight?

The HV has no choice to report. She has a duty of care. Rather than getting defensive use this opportunity to engage with SS and maybe they might be able to put some support your way. No child should be flashing their private parts at anyone or anything regardless of additional needs.

Wish I could reassure you that nothing will come of it but this happened to a friend of mine. Her then 8 year old son with mild aspergers was at school and he and a classmate went into the toilets and decided to compare willies. Another child walked in and reported it to the teacher.

School referred to SS after the parent of the other child complained (she felt my friends son gave her son the idea)

SS did investigate. For 6 months they visited and my friend was stressed the entire time. What support was offered was quite paltry. And stopped as soon as SS signed him off.

What was once considered silly behaviour by children curious about their bodies and testing boundaries, can and does get investigated at times. It's all a question of someone's judgement.

Of course a sexually abused child or a child routinely being exposed to inappropriate adult behaviour can display similar behaviours so there's that to consider as a factor. SS is a tough job.

is this something to possibly use to get a decent repite care package?
If anything does come of it maybe use it to your advantage? If you have asked for respite before and it has been declined could you use this incident to say he is getting older, it is exhausting keeping your eyes on him every second and you need some support?

I think it's an over reaction and also that you don't have to be overly worried as I'm sure they won't think you can t look after him.

They may be of some.help though. At some point he will have to learn not to drop his trousers. Although his mind is v young, is body is developing. There could be experts would could help with this. Maybe some sort of extra teaching that could help?

Or respite care to help you as others have said.

so if SS were to get back to me, what would they expect me to do?

for background - we know that DS doesn't have an age appropriate understanding of private parts (e.g. in school he needs to be reminded to change in a separate room when changing for PE as he will take his time otherwise and is completely oblivious to standing near naked in front of the others). School are working on this topic and so do we at home/when out (e.g. swimming changing rooms).

Alsi, I cannot possibly have my eyes fixed on him every waking second we leave the house. sometimes I turn my back even if it is only to unload the car.

what would SS ask me to do about it?

I can empathise, OP. My 10 year old DS has autism and SLD. Cognitively 3-4. He forever has his hands down his trousers, and fiddling with his penis. It is a comfort thing for him, and not a sexual behaviour at all. However he is constantly exposing himself in public, and sooner or later it's going to be taken the wrong way.

Of course I am doing all I can to address it, but nothing is working so far. He does have a social worker from the disabled children's team, so perhaps you could see if this is something that could come out of the referral? Through this you may be able to access respite. I know it's easier said than done, but try not to worry, I can't imagine they will be concerned, but it could be a way of accessing more services.

also, if we were to get 2-3 hours respite a months (that is all most families seem to get in my LA), then this would surely not change the fact that my DS cognitive development is delayed and it wouldn't change that fact that there will be moments when I take my eyes off him.

Don't worry. My neighbour reported based on fact he heard from another neighbour how my son had banged his toy on the window and cracked the glass. They rang me. They asked if I needed any further help and then closed the case. They will know that children with asd do random stuff, do dangerous stuff. If they are concerned ask them for respite. You won't see them for dust.

She did the right thing. Your 10 year was outside unaccompanied which for most 10year olds is fine but if he thinks it's fine to moon a 7 year old he should be accompanied. I get that's very difficult for you so use this to get help. For all those saying she is using her power, she is doing it as a concerned parent not in a professional capacity and it took guts to let the op know she did it

I work for Early Help - we wouldn’t take this as a referral.

We would probably call you and have a chat and close it tbh.

Don’t worry too much.

Professional fucking busy body. With her training and experience as someone who works with families, she could have taken a more supportive approach. As part of her job she might know of local support groups (if they even exist in your area), or she could have shown some fucking compassion and asked how things were going for your family. Instead she chose to gleefully announce that she found your parenting to be lacking and had tattled to her professional busy body mates over in social services.

I don't know how SS work, but as they're so stretched you'll probably get a phone call. I agree with pp and suggest you mention that you are managing without any support. Ask them what they would have you do. Maybe you should just keep your disabled kid hidden away from society in case he upsets one of the normals again

Try not to freak out, you'll probably just get cursorily glanced at and then chucked back into the wilderness to somehow cope alone.

I think your neighbour is a bit of an officious fusspot.

And what @hipposarerad

what would SS ask me to do about it?

Probably nothing you are not already doing. But they don’t know that until they talk to you.

I wouldn’t worry to much op, my dd who has asd went to school and did the same thing (although she was only 7) I was hauled into the school office and practically interrogated by the teachers as to why she did it. I had no idea as she had never done anything like that before. I was made to feel really awful. However when ss called and I explained she has asd they were completely satisfied with that and didn’t even come out at all.

Ds went through a phase of doing this around the same age.

Puberty and all the hormones kicking in will bring on many a witching hour. The HV sounds like a vindictive bitch. I honestly wouldn't worry about it.

I disagree Gatsby. As pps have said she took the time to rub ops nose in it after making an uninformed snap judgement to report. She could just as easily had a quick 2 minute chat with her before making up her mind. As a HV she will be used to doing this every day of the week and will know the value of getting a clear picture of the situation.

There won't be any issues so please don't worry. It may be an opportunity for you to get extra help if you feel you need it. The HV sounds like a complete bitch with no understanding of SN children. An opportunity to discuss SN and behaviour with her DD missed and negative connotations put on the incident and SN children

The HV sounds like a vindictive bitch. I honestly wouldn't worry about it.

It’s amazing the language that comes out when we are confronted by a woman in a position of authority/responsibility.

Professional fucking busy body.

^

The HV sounds like a complete bitch

^

I think the term busy body is gender neutral.

hipposarerad

The term is. The application isn’t.

I think the term busy body is gender neutral.
When was the last time you heard a man being described as a busy body? Il

What is she then ?? If it was X man I'd be calling him a 'vindictive bastard' would that be ok ?

What else is it if it isn't malicious ?? There's safeguarding then there's kicking someone who's struggling.

A quiet word would have more than sufficed. SS are already stretched without having to deal with silly refferrells over a child who had SN exhibiting very common behaviour.