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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I have been reported to SS

402 replies

mooning123 · 08/06/2019 08:02

I have a DS with ASD and LDs. he is 10 but cognitively much younger well.

anyhow, we went out the other day and whilst I was getting something from the house and DS was waiting outside for a minute, a lady living down the street and her 7 yo DD pass by. for whatever reason, DS dropped his trousers to show his bum to them. he has never done anything before.

Said lady is also a HV and when she passed by today and saw me outside told me, she would (or already has) reported us to social services over safeguarding concerns re DS as he mooned at them and I am clearly unable to keep him safe.

DS is very well looked after. But with a child with SN, sometimes, you take your eyes off them for a moment or two (generally speaking, DS is always with an adult).

I am terrified what will now happen? anybody any insight?

OP posts:
lorribella · 08/06/2019 08:26

Ops son is 10 so why could he not be outside alone

adaline · 08/06/2019 08:26

I agree with her actions - he's 10 and flashed his bum at a 7 year old - that's not really appropriate behaviour.

But that doesn't mean anything will come of her report. Presumably SS will investigate and close the case once they realise your circumstances.

funinthesun19 · 08/06/2019 08:27

Once SS know the full story instead of just a snapshot from the woman who reported you, then they will leave you well alone. You are definitely not a bad parent op Flowers

Original poster
mooning123 · 08/06/2019 08:27

dontcare, she knows us (her DD is a friend of my younger DD) and knows that DS has quite complex SN.

OP posts:
adaline · 08/06/2019 08:28

Ops son is 10 so why could he not be outside alone

But he's not an NT 10 year old. He has ASD and learning difficulties and she says he's mentally much younger than his age. That's not to say that he can never be left alone, but he's clearly quite unpredictable so maybe it's something that needs to be re-assessed.

lorribella · 08/06/2019 08:28

@mooning123 if she knows you and based on her job then a chat with you should have sufficed.

DragonTrainer3 · 08/06/2019 08:29

I've got two with ASD, one of who did this (although much younger) in front of a whole room full of people when we had him in a drama club, and has also done this in front of a very uptight family at the age of 8 or 9 to my complete embarrassment.

We know a couple of others who would regularly strip off whenever they felt like it (one in the middle of the street). It's a known thing with ASD kids that they don't get the whole thing of not being naked in public until a bit later than NT kids. They're all fine now btw, it's only a bit longer than others, so hang in there.

Massive overreaction on the other person's behalf, nothing to do with safeguarding whatsoever. If SS in any way take this seriously (which I doubt) get the NAS involved, they'll put them straight and support you.

In the meantime, chin up Flowers Flowers Flowers

Original poster
mooning123 · 08/06/2019 08:29

Ops son is 10 so why could he not be outside alone

ASD and LDs. he is not able to go out without and adult supervision really. this means he has to stay indoors most afternoons as I come home 3:45 with the kids and then I am busy in the house. hope this makes sense .

OP posts:
RuffleCrow · 08/06/2019 08:29

Don't worry OP. Ss will understand that autistic children do these things. As should the HV. You could also make a complain to her place of work about malicious reporting and discrimination on the basis of disability.

DragonTrainer3 · 08/06/2019 08:31

It is technically indecent exposure.

FFS, he's 10, not 18!

FermatsTheorem · 08/06/2019 08:32

Ah that's interesting loribella - it obviously varies from one profession to another (I have a friend who's a structural engineer and he does have a legal responsibility to report unsafe buildings he comes across, even if they're not buildings he's been contracted to work on).

CuriousaboutSamphire · 08/06/2019 08:32

social services never wanted to know when I requested a carers assessment to get respite. Well now you may have the chance to talk to them more fully.

The woman had little choice, she has to report, even outside work. Think on that MNers, when you next read the government/lobbyists wanting it to be law that all teachers etc MUST BY LAW report each and every 'concerning' incident or be prosecuted...

Hopefully SS will come and see you and you can bring up any and all issues you really have, ask their advice on how to stop his behaviour escalating - as it is a concern, best nipped in the bud. Be amenable but firm, try and get what you need from them!

RuffleCrow · 08/06/2019 08:34

On the lighthearted side there's a story Simon Amstell used to tell about mooning his grandma when he was about 16. I don't think he has a diagnosis either.

herculepoirot2 · 08/06/2019 08:34

DragonTrainer3

We are criminally responsible at ten. It’s a difficult area because of his SN, but the fact is, if he can’t be trusted not to expose himself he can’t be left alone.

herculepoirot2 · 08/06/2019 08:35

And to clarify, I am not saying he is responsible. His parent or carer has to be.

PurpleDaisies · 08/06/2019 08:37

You could also make a complain to her place of work about malicious reporting and discrimination on the basis of disability.

On what basis? She had concerns and reported them. There’s no disability based discrimination there. Confused

Runbitchrun · 08/06/2019 08:37

I understand why she’s made a referral. I would think it won’t meet the threshold for SS, so it’s likely to be passed down to Early Help. Meaning you’ll probably receive contact from an Early Help Worker asking about any support they can help you with. Could end up being a positive thing.

MrsBertBibby · 08/06/2019 08:38

I shouldn't think SS will be interested in anything other than ensuring you are getting access to whatever services there are to support your son. Which right now is probably very few.

FermatsTheorem · 08/06/2019 08:39

Ah, Curiousaboutsamphire's understanding is the same as mine: there is a statutory obligation to report.

But OP, I am absolutely sure SS will not be worried about your parenting, and hopefully you can (as you suggest) leverage this to get a bit more much needed support out of this.

RuffleCrow · 08/06/2019 08:41

I have never heard of an autistic ten year old being arrested for mooning. It's almost like the police have better things to do. Stop trying to freak the OP out herculepoirot. She has enough to contend with without psueds coming on and pretending to be experts on disabled children and the criminal justice system.

Ivestoppedreadingthenews · 08/06/2019 08:41

I’ve taught childrenin a special needs school with ASD. This is a total overreaction from the HV. If you had seen and encouraged it or something I could understand, but this is all part of him learning appropriate boundaries. It’s incredibly hard and tiring to parent ASD children who don’t fit the norm in a society where everyone is scrutinising your every move. You’re doing well OP. I’m sorry this has happened. She should have came and told you and trusted you would deal with it.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 08/06/2019 08:41

As should the HV. You could also make a complain to her place of work about malicious reporting and discrimination on the basis of disability. Don't be silly.

Nofunkingworriesmate · 08/06/2019 08:42

Something similar happened to me I was terrified and heartbroken
But Ss are at breaking point they cannot visit children who are actually aused and neglected
They will ring and ask your side, if you put your point across calmly and rationally like you have here they will close the case ASAP. Use it as a good opportunity to ask for respite again if you feel brave.
Would have been nicer if she'd offered a play date or babysitting to support you but hv are haunted by the baby p cases that it's easy to over react. Sorry this is happening yo you I can really empathise but I'd rather more busy bodies reported and occassionsllt innocent families get swept up in it all.

MsMarvellous · 08/06/2019 08:42

I think the important thing from your OP is that he has never done this before. So you couldn't know this was a thing that could happen.

Now you know you'll deal with it appropriately and take steps to supervise more closely when he is in public.

I doubt SS will be overly worried but you never know it could be a route to better support and resources for you all.

I don't see how you have done anything wrong in your parenting at all. You've been thrown a new curve ball. It happens all the time whether a child with ASD or not. You adjust and move on.

Tolleshunt · 08/06/2019 08:43

Christ alive, what a massive fuss the HV made for a moonie. She sounds like an officious, humourless busy-body. She's obviously not bothered about getting along with you, OP.

If she does actually report, once she's calmed down, I cannot imagine this could possibly go anywhere with SS, but if it did it sounds like a good idea to push for some respite - turn the tables on them and ask what they can do to help you. No doubt you'll just get a leaflet, but you never know.