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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not offer my bedroom to guests?

317 replies

Tigger0902 · 08/06/2019 01:20

Hi all,
I’m a newbie first of all so hello!
My OH moved into my apartment around 7 months ago. He has some close friends who we go out to dinner etc with and we stay at their house sometimes. They have a 3 bed house, I have a 2 bed flat. They stayed at mine a little over a year ago and I set them up in the spare room. I should add it’s a double room, I have a day bed and trundle in there so plenty of space.
On Tuesday I got a text from my OH saying he had invited them over this weekend and asked if we should offer our room. I replied and said NO to which he said “I already have”. I’ve made it clear I’m not happy about a) him doing this without talking to me about it and b) other people sleeping in my room or my bed.

Am I being unreasonable? I bought a 2 bed so I could have guests stay....in the spare room! And to make things worse, they’re not even the type to say “are you sure you don’t us staying in your room?”

OP posts:
BummyKnocker · 08/06/2019 23:21

You handled it brilliantly.

I wouldn't even want to sleep in somebody else's bedroom, it is their personal space, what a weird guest to even accept Confused (unless elderly relatives).

Isatis · 08/06/2019 23:40

I cannot believe anyone would be that cheeky to say that OH said we could stay in the main bedroom to the owner of the place!

To be fair, given that OP's husband said precisely that, it's not particularly cheeky of the guest to assume he meant what he said.

BlueJag · 08/06/2019 23:53

I only gave up my bedroom to my pil as they were elderly and needed a toilet. I didn't mind but it was me that offered my room.
I'll also would offered to my Mum but would be my choice.

BlueSkiesLies · 08/06/2019 23:58

Why would you offer them your room when you have a perfectly good spare room?

Duck90 · 09/06/2019 00:24

Why would you offer them your room when you have a perfectly good spare room?

Maybe it has the en-suite?

Or it’s nicer?

My spare room isn’t lovely, compared to my room.

BrienneofTarthILoveYou · 09/06/2019 00:54

Well done Op.

Marmablade · 09/06/2019 00:54

Well played! What has been her response?

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 09/06/2019 01:33

Haha! You got that CF telt! Hats off! 🎩 🧢

Weenurse · 09/06/2019 01:42

Well done

ReanimatedSGB · 09/06/2019 02:21

I'd be... kind of on the lookout for other indications that your partner thinks he is the Head of the Household, despite the fact that he has moved into your home (presumably you invited him to do so... well, hopefully you invited him rather than him having announced that it was happening...)

ReanimatedSGB · 09/06/2019 02:27

Actually, having read your latest update, I wonder if it's more the case that these 'friends' treat your DP as someone they can walk all over and he's become accustomed to obeying them.

Ruru8thestars · 09/06/2019 03:37

You dealt with that well :)

MangoBananaSleep · 09/06/2019 03:52

I can’t believe what I’m reading!

You definitely did the right thing OP. How cheeky can you get? Shock

Beautiful3 · 09/06/2019 03:59

Well done op.

Original poster
Tigger0902 · 09/06/2019 08:21

Thank you all for your comments. I’ve felt like such a terrible host and an absolute bi*ch but it’s been completely necessary!
ReanimatedSGB - you’ve hit the nail on the head. OH knows these people from work, he used to have to travel nearly 2 hours but they offered for him to stay at theirs once a week. Initially I thought that was such a lovely thing to do but now I’m not so sure. Whenever we have been and stayed at theirs we tend to get a phone call (9 times out of 10) asking to pick up drinks. I wouldn’t normally mind but we travel nearly two hours to theirs and there’s a store right next to their street...I’ve also never been offered breakfast after staying over. (I’ve mentioned this to OH which helped the penny to drop)
Our dog sleeps in our room with us every night. We left theirs in our living room. She saw this when we were getting ready for bed last night and said “aren’t you leaving [your dog] with mine?” I looked her in the eye and just said “No”. Trying to turf us all out of our own room!! 🤯

OP posts:
tribpot · 09/06/2019 08:42

When he stayed over at theirs, was he always bringing booze or food with him? Their motives are starting to seem clearer.

So these cheeky gits never offer you breakfast at their house but expect you to offer them your own bed?? Hope you have left them with a loaf of bread to make some toast and that's it.

ContessaIsOnADietDammit · 09/06/2019 08:43

Ooh, I bet they whinge to your OH that you don't seem to like them for some inexplicable reason Grin hilarious!

saraclara · 09/06/2019 08:47

This was a simple difference in attitudes and a communicating issue.

The OH, like me, isn't precious about a bedroom, and thought he was doing the hospitable thing. So it didn't occur to him that the OP would feel differently, and ask her before he made that offer. The OP is entitled to feel the way she does about her bedroom, but unfortunately it was too late.

I'm unsure why the visitors are getting the blame for this. If giving up my room was psychologically impossible for me, I'd simply have said "I hope you're okay with the spare room. I only just found out that X had offered ours, but I haven't had chance to wash the linen"
I'm not sure why there was a need to be off with them when a white lie would have worked.

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/06/2019 08:47

Omg they expect the red carpet treatment and can’t even rustle up breakfast for you. The fact that they offered your dp a bed once a week doesn’t make you beholden to them.

DuMondeB · 09/06/2019 09:10

"I hope you're okay with the spare room. I only just found out that X had offered ours, but I haven't had chance to wash the linen"
I'm not sure why there was a need to be off with them when a white lie would have worked.

Hell no. That would put op right back in the exact same awkward place next time they wanted to stay!

BlueSkiesLies · 09/06/2019 09:11

Why would you offer them your room when you have a perfectly good spare room?

Maybe it has the en-suite?
Or it’s nicer?
My spare room isn’t lovely, compared to my room

Isn’t it easier just to make sure there is a decent bed in the spare room than move out for guests?

I’d always rather stay in a spare room than someone’s actual bedroom.

En suite, meh, unless there are stairs to navigate and elderly parents (or other mobility impaired people) I think most guests can manage a few steps to a family bathroom.

Original poster
Tigger0902 · 09/06/2019 09:11

saraclara - Offering a bedroom is fine if there is no alternative IMO. However we have a spare room that everyone else who comes to stay is more than welcome to, and these guys seem to think this is normal. Even if this was OHs idea (and I think it was more the case of them planting the seed) any normal person would surely say “thank you, but we can stay in the spare room”.
The spare room may not be as big as my master but it’s by no means small, so why they’d expect the master god only knows.

OP posts:
BlueSkiesLies · 09/06/2019 09:16

both my mum and dad like the spare bed, they don’t like the bedding. Mum bought new pillows and a duvet when she stayed a few months ago, and dad just stayed on his own and he went and bough more pillows to suit him. So I now have an actual pillow menu for the spare room 😂

Ginger1982 · 09/06/2019 09:42

@saraclara why in God's name would you offer your own bedroom when there is a spare available? Surely that's the whole point of having a spare?

MorondelaFrontera · 09/06/2019 09:47

why in God's name would you offer your own bedroom when there is a spare available? Surely that's the whole point of having a spare?

for the reasons she wrote?

Also not everybody has a fancy spare room, and the "master bedroom" is much bigger and welcoming.

I have a decent size house now, but for years I didn't and the priority was the kids, the spare room at the time wasn't a big room with ensuite, it was the smallest room of the house.