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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not offer my bedroom to guests?

317 replies

Tigger0902 · 08/06/2019 01:20

Hi all,
I’m a newbie first of all so hello!
My OH moved into my apartment around 7 months ago. He has some close friends who we go out to dinner etc with and we stay at their house sometimes. They have a 3 bed house, I have a 2 bed flat. They stayed at mine a little over a year ago and I set them up in the spare room. I should add it’s a double room, I have a day bed and trundle in there so plenty of space.
On Tuesday I got a text from my OH saying he had invited them over this weekend and asked if we should offer our room. I replied and said NO to which he said “I already have”. I’ve made it clear I’m not happy about a) him doing this without talking to me about it and b) other people sleeping in my room or my bed.

Am I being unreasonable? I bought a 2 bed so I could have guests stay....in the spare room! And to make things worse, they’re not even the type to say “are you sure you don’t us staying in your room?”

OP posts:
saraclara · 09/06/2019 09:51

@Ginger1982 It depends on the spare. I have a spare room, but as I've said, the sofa bed in it isn't comfortable. I feel that hospitality is about making your guests as comfortable as possible.

Maybe the OP's OH doesn't think the spare bed is comfortable. Maybe his friend mentioned having a bad back. I don't know, but something made him think it was the considerate thing to do.

Presumably, like me, he had no idea that many people, including his partner, are very averse to having anyone sleep in their bed.

ThePerturbedPenguin · 09/06/2019 09:54

So what actually happened with the bed situation last night? Did they say anything when you said might and went into your own room etc?

saraclara · 09/06/2019 09:54

I have to mention that I've got to the age of 63 without realising that offering guests our/my bedroom might have freaked them out. So I've learned something today. I'm not sure what to do from now on. Do I offer them a choice of uncomfortable sofa bed or my bed? or are they going to say they'll have the sofa bed out of politeness and not preference?

It's a minefield.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 09/06/2019 10:00

Can’t believe anyone would do this-talk about self absorbed! Well done!💐

MorondelaFrontera · 09/06/2019 10:00

I'd keep things as they are.

None of my friends has ever refused to come after a first stay-over, so I am guessing none has ever been offended or upset by the arrangements offered.

SauvignonBlanche · 09/06/2019 10:08

Well played OP.

Original poster
Tigger0902 · 09/06/2019 10:20

OH is currently making them a full cooked breakfast. Bearing in mind I’ve never even had as much as a slice of toast at theirs.
My spare room is not uncomfortable, I stayed in it when my new bed was yet to be delivered when I first moved in. I stay in it when I’m unwell or having a bad night so as not wake OH.
I’m completely aware that not everyone has a spare room but I bought a two bed for that exact reason. There are obviously exceptions but I know they don’t have health issues (if they did we’d know about it 🙄)
Neither have mentioned the bed was uncomfortable last night, if it were it would be the first thing they said this morning. We went on holiday with them once, OH and I gave them the en-suite room and we had the other double room, there was a third room with two single beds. Their bed must have been uncomfortable and they didn’t stop going on about it, they asked to swap but at the time OH was having neck issues so he (hesitantly) declined. That didn’t go down well either yet they also refused to try the third room.

OP posts:
cuppycakey · 09/06/2019 10:29

Well done for sticking to your guns Tigger!!

JMoore · 09/06/2019 10:48

I do wonder how OH's offer of the OP's (and his, of course) bedroom came about... If the friends suggested or strongly hinted at wanting it, I suspect that it was something of a test to see if OH and OP could be brought to toe the line, so to speak.

OP, you did well!

fedup21 · 09/06/2019 10:49

Sorry, but they sound awful!!

BrienneofTarthILoveYou · 09/06/2019 10:50

Well done Op.

TheInvestigator · 09/06/2019 10:59

Why didn't you ask your husband (infront of them) why he was cooking them breakfast when you've never had so much as toast at their house? You've stood your ground tot heir cheeky behaviour so far... in for a penny, in for a pound!!! Throw it all at them!

darjeelingisrank · 09/06/2019 11:02

Pair of CFer grasping entitled twats! I'd never go on holiday with them again. Hope your OH is waking up to them. I'd be having a word with him after they leave. 'Ever notice we've not even been offered a slice of toast at theirs but bring drink with us, yet they gobbled our food? She tried to turf the dog out!' Nah. They're bullying dicks.

Hannam82 · 09/06/2019 11:15

Just show them to the spare room when they arrive. I’m sure they’re not going to say ‘we’re in your room actually’

Yep. Do this and it is all over.

If they have some preference over which bed they want to sleep on then tell them it is best they go to a hotel 😉

But I wouldnt ask your partner to text them to clarify. No need for that ! Possibly they wouldnt want to sleep in your bed anyway...

StoneofDestiny · 09/06/2019 11:18

I'd say '"looking forward to a cooked breakfast when we next stay at yours"

VisiblyOver25 · 09/06/2019 11:29

Cancel the cheque!

pictish · 09/06/2019 11:33

I wouldn’t want to stay in someone else’s bedroom. I would far rather the impersonal spare room.

I dunno...this couple clearly believe you to be subordinate to them in some way. Maybe they are like this with everyone.

SlothMama · 09/06/2019 11:43

That’s so weird of him to offer your bed, I have a spare room for a reason. For my guests it’s there or the sofa!

Original poster
Tigger0902 · 09/06/2019 12:11

OH has admitted to being aware they are high maintenance, however I’ve told him by him pandering to it, it’s fuelling it and almost makes them think it’s ok.
She even had the nerve to pack crisps and biscuits with her!! I’ll be sure to do the same next time we’re at theirs.
Ps. What does CF mean?

OP posts:
AintNobodyHereButUsChickens · 09/06/2019 12:13

CF means Cheeky Fucker(s)

MrsMozartMkII · 09/06/2019 12:15

She's packing your crisps and biscuits...? Why?

ReanimatedSGB · 09/06/2019 12:16

CF=Cheeky Fucker.
These people definitely think you and your H are somehow subordinate to them. Are they older, much wealthier (which would make them quadruple CFs if they are loaded yet expect far more hospitality from you than they have ever offered), senior to him at work or something?
What do you (and OH) actually get out of this 'friendship'? It doesn't sound like they are even particularly entertaining company.

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse · 09/06/2019 12:23

She even had the nerve to pack crisps and biscuits with her!!

As in she brought some with her from her house to eat at yours or she took some from your house for the trip home...?

tribpot · 09/06/2019 12:34

Yes, is she really taking food from your house for their journey home??

Ghostontoast · 09/06/2019 12:40

Unless you have loads of free samples from your job at United Biscuits/ Walkers Crisps why is she packing snacks to take home?

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