To not offer my bedroom to guests?

[Tigger0902]

Hi all,
I’m a newbie first of all so hello!
My OH moved into my apartment around 7 months ago. He has some close friends who we go out to dinner etc with and we stay at their house sometimes. They have a 3 bed house, I have a 2 bed flat. They stayed at mine a little over a year ago and I set them up in the spare room. I should add it’s a double room, I have a day bed and trundle in there so plenty of space.
On Tuesday I got a text from my OH saying he had invited them over this weekend and asked if we should offer our room. I replied and said NO to which he said “I already have”. I’ve made it clear I’m not happy about a) him doing this without talking to me about it and b) other people sleeping in my room or my bed.

Am I being unreasonable? I bought a 2 bed so I could have guests stay....in the spare room! And to make things worse, they’re not even the type to say “are you sure you don’t us staying in your room?”

The only reason people like this behave the way they do is because others let them away with it. I mean, c'mon, taking crisps and biscuits! 'Excuse me! What are you doing? Those are ours. Put them back!'

And why, why the fuck would you ever want to go to theirs again? They're tight cunts. Your boyfriend wants to go, tell him to go on his own.

Personally I'd tell your OH you don't like them in the house because of their ill behaviour.

Why is your DH in thrall to a couple who are so rude?

She’d had bought crisps and biscuits with her from their house. Not to share, I just happened to see them as I walked passed the spare room.
They are older than us and it wasn’t until about a year ago I started to think that they had convinced themselves they were superior to us. They have a lovely house, but if OH and i behaved the way they did (getting other people to always bring drinks, always getting other people to pick up food when going on weekends away, getting friends (us) to dog sit FOR FREE etc etc) is probably be in my dream house too!
I managed to escape this morning and just been informed they’ve left! I didn’t get a thank you and I’m not holding my breathe for one either!

Did you OH ever contribute anything when he stayed with them once a week? E.g. bring food for the evening meal, or breakfast, or bring them some wine etc.? The reason I ask is, if not, they might see DH as the cheeky fucker, and therefore they are making a point of asking you to bring drinks/food when you visit, not giving you breakfast etc. as they felt/feel taken advantage of.

I had a similar situation with someone staying with me once or twice a week to save commuting time and money. Used my home like their own, ate my food and used my towels etc., let me clean up after them but never so much as offered ingredients for dinner let alone cook. When I asked if they’d cover ingredients for one meal a week, they were really offended but didn’t see how much their visits were costing me in both time and money. They could only see they ‘needed’ to stay and I shouldn’t ask for any contribution at all...needless to stay I ended the arrangement soon after...

Please don't invite them back, or agree when they invite themselves back. CFs.

Good riddance to the entitled cheeky fuckers!
Can't believe they actually tried to strongarm their way into the master bedroom - who does that?!

Well done for sticking to your guns and not giving in.
Hopefully your OH will be less keen to pander to them in future!
(actually, hopefully they'll be less keen to come now they know they can't walk all over you!)

They ask you to dogsit, you say, 'No, sorry, not available for that', stop going to their house. I really hope your OH is starting to wake up. They're users.

I'd start sending your OH on his own to them. 'They're users who take advantage. If you are happy with that, go and meet them, but I'm not willing to have people like this in my life. Really didn't appreciate your offering our room to them without even asking me and then X trying to strongarm into it after I told her NO. They never even offer us a slice of toast yet have you cooking them a full English and having everyone else pick up the drinks and food. That's not my idea of friendship so I'm not going there anymore.'

The end.

OP you did the right thing. I think it was cheeky of OH friend to say she thought they’d be in the main bedroom when your directed her to the spare room.

Those saying most decent people would offer to stay in the spare (rather than master) bedroom are right IMHO.

We had BILs stay over recently. Our situation is a bit different as we have just moved in and had been sleeping in the spare bed in the spare room as we are doing up the main bed. So when BILs came over we slept on our mattress on the floor in the main bedroom and BILs has the spare bed in the spare room.

The point is that BIL said they would sleep on the mattress on the floor and not take “our bed” but we said no it’s fine.

I’d rather DH and I were the only ones to sleep in our bed even if it’s on he floor and it was nice to give them a bed.

But maybe they bought biscuits and crisps as they didn’t expect to be fed, as they don’t give you anything at your house

at their house, sorry

BazaarMum They always send him out to get drinks and or extra bits for food. They invited him to stay over and he’s very grateful, helps clear up after dinner, tidies up after himself that kind of thing. But they are always ones to take take take and will only give the bare minimum.
We looked after their dogs and house when they went away and the thank I got was “Just got back home, good attempt at cleaning! Can you dog sit in a couple of weeks please?” I said no, not after a lame attempt at a thank you like that!

We looked after their dogs and house when they went away and the thank I got was “Just got back home, good attempt at cleaning! Can you dog sit in a couple of weeks please?”

I don’t get why you are friends with them and why you have them to stay?

If someone had made a comment like that to me after I’d done them a favour, I wouldn’t bother with them any more.

They are talking to you like you are their staff. You think dh needs to stop staying with them to be honest. What is he thinking of letting you and your home be treated like this?

I'm with fedup21 on this. Why are you still friends with them? They sound awful.

WTAF? 'Good attempt at cleaning, do it again!' Who do they think they are? Why put up with this at all? What a pair of tossers! I wouldn't want them in my home anymore after all this.

They think they are better than you. You realise this - I'm not sure your OH does yet! Or he may agree with that assessment

It’s the “sending him out for...” that’s got me wondering. Most adults being put up somewhere would turn up with food/drinks/cash for a kitty if regularly staying with someone for free, without being ‘sent out’. It sounds like there’s a social expectation your OH isn’t catching on to.

I wonder if they are constantly trying to exact ‘payment in kind’ from him for the stays through dog sitting and being put up by you. It doesn’t sound like a friendship! More a transaction.

What a pair of entitled fuckers! They definitely think they're your betters. You both need to cut them loose/only meet in neutral territory at most.

When your DP stayed with them each week, did he offer payment or supply food without them asking?

I'm just wondering if they asked him to pick up bits as he never offered too.

Also if I'm staying at friends then I'd always take drinks with me but if they're asking you to purchase some drinks then it seems you're arriving empty handed.

Apologies if I'm wrong but you haven't said what you/DP have gifted them on staying

Glad you stood your ground - CFs

I reckon the cf woman wanted to have a good old nosey through all your stuff, see if there’s anything she could ask to borrow ‘oh I’m cold - hope you don’t mind I picked up this old jumper to keep me warm (aka your best nice new red cashmere jumper) that she then would insist she needed to wear home and would send back - but conveniently forget to. Or liberally use all your nice toiletries in your en suite rather than the bits in your bathroom (I have my nice stuff in my en suite - the other bathroom has a mix of perfectly fine - but not luxurious - stuff and some mini bottles from hotels.

Did you or dh try to send them out for booze?

Definitely hope that if you are ever unfortunate enough to go to them again that you make a pointed comment about always thinking of them as non-breakfast eaters but after seeing how they put away a massive English breakfast at your house, you’re looking forwards to enjoying their version of an English breakfast

I know my mum would do this sometimes for guests but I would not. It's far too personal. Also I would feel comfortable being in someone else's regular bedroom. I'd rather sleep on the sofa/floor/blow-up bed/hotel.

I recently had my elderly PIL staying and we did give them the master bedroom -but it was an exception! They're elderly, have back and other health problems and we thought they'd be more comfortable as we only have a futon in the spare room, whereas we have a Queen bed with a new mattress.

This is the only time we've done it and I can't see it happening for anyone else.

Well done OP. Your OH has learnt a life lesson and you handled the CF well. With everything that has gone on, both this weekend and in the past, I do question whether this 'friendship' has longevity. They sound a nightmare.