AIBU to be a shocked at a parent leaving their 4 month old home alone for 10 minutes

[NotMyUsualNameNoSiree]

I overheard a conversation at school the other day, a mum was telling another mum how she left her young DD (4mo) at home while she picked up her DS (aged 5 or 6) from school.

I believe she lives around the corner and across the road from school, maybe 1 or 2 minutes walk. But pick-up would probably take 10 minutes in total to get the kid, get him ready, leave school premises and get home.

Of course I rationally know that no harm is likely to come to a 4mo left alone for ten minutes. But even if it's very very unlikely that anything bad would happen (to the baby, or the mum, or the older kid), it still gives me the chills to think about it.

Instinctively I want to say something, whether to her or the school. But I don't know if I'm being over cautious.

greenrockstar

I have my head in my hands because you are sooo difficult to communicate with, green. Of course I can sympathise with them and say what they did was neglectful. Their child is most likely dead. They will never forgive themselves. I pity them. They still neglected their children.

Done here, anyway. You’re not someone I can speak to without it raising my blood pressure.

@herculepoirot2 I'm going again now, argue with yourself for half an hour or so.... I'll be back later

Good to see that everyone that WAS backing you up had disappeared. I think they've probably got their heads in their hands at you also?

@MorondelaFrontera that’s not really correct is it?

This thread is mostly a few people arguing really with varying degrees of hostility and implacability.
But there are others on this thread, including myself who do agree with @herculepoirot2
And definitely in 800 posts in that a baby should not be left alone in an empty house. Oh and that being in your garden is not the same as leaving your house and going off somewhere else whether that’s down the road, round the corner blah blah.

Just wanted to point that out.

@greenrockstar that’s a bit mean girls isn’t it?

Gin. But in 800 posts nobody who does agree has actually been able to explain why you think it’s different.

I’ve explained, rationally I hope, why it’s not different in my personal situation (which after all is all we can really comment on) but all I get in response is “it just is” without any logic being applied.

Scenario 1. I am 30 feet from my house, no monitor because they don’t work in my home. Baby fast asleep in cot and left quietly for 15 minutes before rechecking.

Scenario 2. I am 10 feet from my house. no monitor because they don’t work in my home. Baby fast asleep in cot and left quietly for 15 minutes before rechecking.

Which scenario is more risky and which, if either, would you feel it necessary to report me to SS?

@Ginlinessisnexttogodliness 🤷‍♀️

@Dorsetdays no difference at all IMO.

Very mean girls @greenrockstar, I actually left because I find you very frustrating as you don't communicate very well, I think you may have some issues regarding this, do you work? It must be frustrating communicating with people in real life.

Ginlinessisnexttogodliness

if you already agree with her stupid (I am using her words here) and judgmental opinion, not sure why you feel the need to bang on for 900 posts without bothering to answer people who make valid points.

Bit more flouncing, bit more anger, and we are back at the beginning. Calling normal parent "neglectful" and worst is ridiculous, and overly anxious parents are not healthy. (here, I just summarise it for you)

Mrmakers. That’s part of life...learning to communicate with other people. Please don’t judge posters based on that, especially in a post where you’re calling someone out for being a “mean girl”.

Very mean girls

you don't communicate very well, I think you may have some issues regarding this, do you work?

mean girls is a polite way to describe the author of this beautiful sentence.

Yes, we have explained why it’s different you just don’t want to acknowledge it.

The Law is grey insofar as it is requires contextualisation and each case is assessed in its merits or lack of. For some spurious reason, to you and some others that makes it ok, but all relevant guidelines I can find are explicit in that babies and toddlers should not be LEFT at home alone. I am confident in my mind that the Law interprets that as you don’t leave your property and grounds if you are in your garden. If you leave, close a door / go through your gate and cross a road go down a path to a shop the school whatever you are not at home anymore. Yes you are near it but you’ve left it.

I think there rightly is more to a decision to prosecute a parent for doing this leaving their child alone and in the cases of older children i agree with that. But actually if I am being honest I really do think it is indefensible in principle when it comes to babies and very young children. You can try and make it sound justifiable but that’s not the same as acceptable. Or safe. Or appropriate.

Look at another way. If you’re saying it’s soooooooo close why aren’t you just taking them with you it’s not that big a deal surely?

Of course for the purposes of being right and wrong the other major difference is that if you left your property and something were to happen to you in that time how would you deal with the fact you’ve left a sleeping baby at home unsupervised?

And also out of curiosity do people know you leave your baby at home alone? If so then I wonder what would happen because really if a nursery member of staff or teacher knew they technically are professionally obliged to report it as a safeguarding issue are they not?

I have my own views on safeguarding but honestly I do actually believe that it is irresponsible to do what you do. I don’t believe it is irresponsible to put your washing out when your baby is asleep indoors, and nobody as far as I know has ever received a visit from children’s services or the police because of it.

It really is irrelevant about the monitors.
It’s irrelevant about the distance it’s all about leaving the homestead.

The garden or drive thing is still the home.

I have stated all of this before and if I have directly called you a bad parent please point out where. I think I have said you were endorsing negligent practice but I didn’t actually say “you are a bad parent”

Just to be clear

MorondelaFrontera

There is nothing weird about the opinion that you don’t leave small babies at home unsupervised, Moron. Nothing at all.

@MorondelaFrontera the irony being you’ve just to use your word “flounced” back on here and done the same thing.

You and others have no basis in any context whatsoever to condemn me and others as anxious parent because we have never left our babies at home alone and left and gone and done something anything else. It’s risible. I think you would struggle to find anyone willing to be associated professionally in any context with that codswallop

On the other hand, I have every right to express my general concern at the notion of someone, anyone , deciding to leave their four month old baby alone for up to ten minutes while she goes to school and collects her other child. She has left her baby at home alone. The key word being alone.

Sorry of course there was @vdbfamily

There is nothing weird about the opinion that you don’t leave small babies at home unsupervised, Moron. Nothing at all.*

You don't agree so call people morons .... hmmm.

Dorsetdays

I am confused.

Was it ten steps, or ten yards, or fifty yards, or next door, or what? You are all over the place.

The only scenario in which I could see this being okay would be if you were so confident you were only going to be off your property for 30 seconds. Like when you take the bins out or get something from the car. Still in sight of the front door, front door not closed and locked (because you can see it).

I can’t ever see a school run working like that. You are on the yard, waiting for your child, surrounded by other children and mums. You are not in charge of your home. It’s unacceptable.

Gin. You’ve still not answered my question though have you? Which of those scenarios is less risky and which would you report me to SS for?

The only scenario in which I could see this being okay would be if you were so confident you were only going to be off your property for 30 seconds. Like when you take the bins out or get something from the car. Still in sight of the front door, front door not closed and locked (because you can see it).

🚁 🚁

Can't take washing to live, hang it out, mow grass and round we go again!!!

I must not be 3 seconds away from my baby, but I'm not OTT.

It’s interesting because those of us disagreeing don’t actually have to prove anything because we’re not bothered by your opinion. We’ll still parent how we want to and how we believe is best for us.

The other posters on here are trying to change our minds, prove we’re wrong to parent how we do and yet can’t seem to actually come up with a logical reason why that’s the case.

Avoiding answering a very straightforward question doesn’t help with that logic because it continues to demonstrate that you don’t have any that can applied to this situation. It’s purely about an emotional response which is fine if that’s what you believe but it doesn’t make others who don’t, wrong.

Dorsetdays

Are you planning to answer my question? Was it ten yards (about 30 feet) or fifty yards (about 150 feet)?

*It’s interesting because those of us disagreeing don’t actually have to prove anything because we’re not bothered by your opinion. We’ll still parent how we want to and how we believe is best for us.

The other posters on here are trying to change our minds, prove we’re wrong to parent how we do and yet can’t seem to actually come up with a logical reason why that’s the case.

Avoiding answering a very straightforward question doesn’t help with that logic because it continues to demonstrate that you don’t have any that can applied to this situation. It’s purely about an emotional response which is fine if that’s what you believe but it doesn’t make others who don’t, wrong.*

👍

Hercule. I’ve explained in my earlier post. Which of those two scenarios is most risky and which would you report me to SS for?

Stop avoiding the question which I asked first quote some time ago (about 800 posts)

@DorsetDays
Are you being serious?

I would not report you for being in your own private garden while your baby was asleep

I wouldn’t want to have to report anyone for anything but I would do so if I witnessed you leave a sleeping baby in the house alone and leave your home to go elsewhere.

I’m not sure how that sort of thing is proven though really unless you told a professional such a teacher or other parents. I’m not comfortable with it though but the baby should not be left.

You are only making it complicated for yourself because it suits and it is really clear to a great number of people and professional bodies

You haven’t answered my question about if teachers or nursery staff know you leave or have left a baby at home alone?

Gin. That’s not fully answering my question. Which of those is more risky?

If you’d read my posts you’d know the answer to your question.