AIBU to be a shocked at a parent leaving their 4 month old home alone for 10 minutes

[NotMyUsualNameNoSiree]

I overheard a conversation at school the other day, a mum was telling another mum how she left her young DD (4mo) at home while she picked up her DS (aged 5 or 6) from school.

I believe she lives around the corner and across the road from school, maybe 1 or 2 minutes walk. But pick-up would probably take 10 minutes in total to get the kid, get him ready, leave school premises and get home.

Of course I rationally know that no harm is likely to come to a 4mo left alone for ten minutes. But even if it's very very unlikely that anything bad would happen (to the baby, or the mum, or the older kid), it still gives me the chills to think about it.

Instinctively I want to say something, whether to her or the school. But I don't know if I'm being over cautious.

@Dorsetdays
You described me as a helicopter parent, overly anxious, and referred to cue teeny violins

You wanted to call me those things and you decided to warp my post into something g it wasn’t.

I wanted to try to give you the benefit of the doubt and explain my post to you. So I did. But you still don’t seem any the wiser and are obsessing over the waking up from the nap bit. It’s not the waking up from the nap it’s the my thinking about not being there as time went on and he realised nobody was coming is that bit i found upsetting. Other people on this post you’ve written off understand it so it must just be you.

So, you are either incapable of understanding the nuances and logic to my or you are just twisting words you actually compute because you can’t acknowledge the veracity of my statement as another mother with any respect. But others can.

I have absolutely no basis to denigrate your mental health, your mothering skills but I have a right to question leaving a baby alone in the house. Yet you have the temerity to question mine, diagnose me with something or indeed pour scorn.

That is actually all really sad and not at all commendable in terms of responses to teach your children in the future. Have a think about your own behaviour a bit less than others perhaps.....

@herculepoirot2 two mins that time! About 12 mins which is the time you seem to give your child attention in the day instead of mumsnetting.

NY CHILDREN ARE ADULTS, IVE SAID COUNTLESS TIMES THE SITUATION AND IT WAS 15 MINUTES NOT 12!!

You’re overthinking it a little. Yes I do think it’s overly anxious that the thought of your baby being left alone for 3 minutes would make you feel physically ill. I also don’t think most babies would become inconsolable after only 3 minutes.

So yes, by definition, in MY view that’s helicopter parenting. I also said you’re free to parent that way, entirely up to you.

Yet you feel it’s ok to call me a terrible parent because I don’t parent the exact way you do ie the thought of my baby crying for 3 minutes doesn’t make me feel physically ill.

We clearly just have different perspectives of what it is that would worry us so much to the point of feeling ill. As I said, for me, it would be a serious illness or even worse.

That doesn’t make me a bad parent as you stated.

greenrockstar

Another deviation from the point and personal attack on my parenting.

Again, you know nothing me or my personal situation. Stop deflecting.

You have tried to use the McCann case in support of leaving small babies on their own. Very twisted logic. Really horrible.

Dorsetdays

You don’t think most young children would be inconsolable 3 minutes after waking to find there was nobody in the house? Well, I suppose you wouldn’t know, would you, given you were out at the bingo or wherever.

@herculepoirot2 I'm off for a while now, you clearly cannot stop yourself posting. I'll help you but not responding for a while.

We've already this morning covered the McCanns and

1. Why I mentioned it. It's a very relevant case and I supported the McCanns, you called them neglectful,

1. No where was I bike about the McCanns see point one.

1. Your post from a few days ago stating convenience and dead baby now that was vile.

Go parent your way for a while.

You don’t think most young children would be inconsolable 3 minutes after waking to find there was nobody in the house? Well, I suppose you wouldn’t know, would you, given you were out at the bingo or wherever.* 

How does a baby know if the parent is in the house or not? If it's in its cot?

Right off now, but that made me laugh, like the whole point of the 800 odd posts is if you are out of sight you're out of sight have been ignored.

And to be fair, my child wouldn’t be that upset. They would know I was moments away if they needed me, so would probably just play and chatter away. But that isn’t going to be the case for small children who experience the fear and insecurity of knowing their parent might be one minute or fifteen.

I'm off for a while now, you clearly cannot stop yourself posting. I'll help you but not responding for a while.

🙌

I supported the McCanns, you called them neglectful,

Which just about says it all. Yes. They were neglectful. Obviously.

Hercule. Yes of course I was out at the bingo 🙄

It suggests you have no valid point to make if you have to resort to silly, made up slurs. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Dorsetdays

I definitely have a valid point, Dorset. I also made a facetious comment. That comment had a serious point behind it: if you leave your child alone, you don’t know how upset they might be by that. You aren’t there.

Hercule. That’s the point though, your comment is valid to you and the way you choose to parent. It’s not valid to me because I don’t choose to parent that way.

Neither of us is wrong, as parents we risk assess continuously so that we know what we can and can’t do with reference to our own individual children and our own specific circumstances.

As I’ve clearly said on this thread, I can only refer to MY circumstances and what I feel is acceptable within those boundaries.

Thick walls in our old house means a baby monitor doesn’t work so I have to decide whether I know my baby well enough to make the decision that they can take a nap in their cot without me being present in the room. Knowing that my baby was a great sleeper with an established routine and that they didnt wake up and become upset within a few minutes meant I could, and did, make the decision that it was perfectly fine for me to go and hang the washing out or take a shower at that time.

We have a long garden so hanging my washing out meant I was actually further away from my baby at that moment than I was when doing my school run as our DC’s primary (and pre school) is right next door to us. That’s why we bought our house (and yes we do also have the village shop just two doors away) so in MY situation the reality is that I could choose to do the school run without taking my baby with less risk than if I was completing an essential chore.

However, that doesn’t mean I did it regularly. 99.9% of the time I didn’t need to because my baby was in a good routine and didn’t sleep then, it was once or twice on the very rare occasion that they were late going for their nap due to something unforeseen.

I’m not a terrible mother or a neglectful parent. I wasn’t putting my baby at risk and I wasn’t off down the bingo like some people have said. I would just like to think that other people wouldn’t jump to conclusions and judge others just because we parent differently.

JFC 888 posts later and herculepoirot2 still haven't convinced ONE parent that they are neglectful because they left their young babies nap in peace whilst doing chores or getting on with things.

So that's going well, fantastic use of your time!

Dorsetdays

You want to make this a subjective thing. It isn’t. It breaches the NSPCC guidelines for how to keep a child safe. Police follow these guidelines. There’s no “parenting style” thing here. It is neglect of a baby’s need to be supervised to leave it entirely alone.

Please stop banging on about being in the garden or the shower. It has been repeatedly explained. And then again. And again after that.

I don’t see it any differently because, in my circumstances it isn’t any different. In fact hanging out my washing was potentially more of a risk than my school run.

For someone else it may not be the case and faced with their circumstances I may well make a different decision. But I’m not them and I’m not in their situation.

We can only parent based on our own situation however much you’d like everyone to parent exactly how you do.

Dorsetdays

I have no interest in everyone parenting how I do. People parent differently. But there are red lines and this is one of them. Small children and babies should not be left at home alone while the parents bugger off elsewhere.

MorondelaFrontera

I don’t expect to convince a person who thinks this is okay that it isn’t. A person who would do it is already irredeemably stupid. I can’t see me getting through to them. I just want to reiterate that it isn’t okay until we get to 40 pages. It isn’t okay.

I’m but buggering off anywhere. I’m less than ten steps from my front door collecting my dc from school.

Hanging my washing out in my back garden is more than ten steps away from my door.

Therefore, logically, the risk is less for me doing the school run. It’s why we can’t be black and white about the situation.

*not

And to be fair, my child wouldn’t be that upset. They would know I was moments away if they needed me, so would probably just play and chatter away. But that isn’t going to be the case for small children who experience the fear and insecurity of knowing their parent might be one minute or fifteen.

Of course you would you'd be munsnettung all day long how could you go anywhere?

As I've already said both my children played in their cots upon waking, you're child is not any better looked after than mine were.

You've ousted every half hour since before 8 this morning @herculepoirot2 it's boring, repetitive and getting you nowhere. Your ridiculous arguments mean that your points are not even being notified. It's just on and on and in!

The McCanns one minute you're saying it was a catastrophic error of judgement (when you thought I was saying otherwise), the next you are saying they're neglectful (because I said otherwise). You're contradicting yourself, tripping yourself up, lashing out and being dogmatic. You're arguing with me whatever I say, for the sake of argument.

I would not change the way I dealt with the sleeping I cor issue and household running, I can't anyway but you'd certainly not change my mind.

The McCanns one minute you're saying it was a catastrophic error of judgement (when you thought I was saying otherwise), the next you are saying they're neglectful (because I said otherwise)

Those things are not contradictory. You are a fool.

A person who would do it is already irredeemably stupid.

so may I ask what exactly you are trying to achieve?

I think we all get that you haven't got a clue, you are making very strong and opinionated statements online that you don't follow up in real life and you ignore all questions and comments. We get that.
I am just curious why you are still going on and insulting other parents because you have very weird opinion, even if you pretend that you are the law - your opinion and yourself are not, thank god.

They did not “get away with it”. No judge endorsed their decision. They just felt a very human pity for people who made a CATASTROPHIC DECISION to leave their child alone and paid the ultimate price.*

This sounds like your sympathising calling them neglectful doesn't! Two ends of the spectrum.

even if you pretend that you are the law - your opinion and yourself are not, thank god.

This is so true!