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AIBU?

AIBU to be a shocked at a parent leaving their 4 month old home alone for 10 minutes

999 replies

NotMyUsualNameNoSiree · 06/06/2019 12:55

I overheard a conversation at school the other day, a mum was telling another mum how she left her young DD (4mo) at home while she picked up her DS (aged 5 or 6) from school.

I believe she lives around the corner and across the road from school, maybe 1 or 2 minutes walk. But pick-up would probably take 10 minutes in total to get the kid, get him ready, leave school premises and get home.

Of course I rationally know that no harm is likely to come to a 4mo left alone for ten minutes. But even if it's very very unlikely that anything bad would happen (to the baby, or the mum, or the older kid), it still gives me the chills to think about it.

Instinctively I want to say something, whether to her or the school. But I don't know if I'm being over cautious.

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Greenglassteacup · 06/06/2019 15:51

@ snarky muggins

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WeCameToDance · 06/06/2019 15:51

It's absolutely awful parenting/neglectful but bare in mind that if you report it there's every chance she's going to think mum 2 reported her. Is she likely to make life difficult for mum 2?
I think if I was going to say anything I would tell the school. I wouldn't want to make the call of whether this is a reportable offense or not but the school would hopefully know the best course of action.

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GabsAlot · 06/06/2019 15:53

Well the other mother clearly thought the baby was alone othewise she wouldnt have commented on but what if you have an accident

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BertrandRussell · 06/06/2019 15:58

Put emotion to one side for a moment. What is actually, objectively wrong with doing this? (I wouldn’t/haven’t either. Just wondering)

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Hullabaloo31 · 06/06/2019 15:59

I live right opposite the primary school my DS attends, and wanted to leave DD napping sooo many times rather than wake her when she was tiny, but would never have done it!

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morallybankruptme · 06/06/2019 16:02

pencilcase they will only be concerned about children in the school under their care

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neveradullmoment99 · 06/06/2019 16:02

I would inform the school tbh if you are sure that's what has been said.
The school will make an note and investigate it.

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neveradullmoment99 · 06/06/2019 16:05

they will only be concerned about children in the school
Not in the school I teach. There may be more going on at home than you think and other issues. I would inform the school. They have the links with social work.

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Happyspud · 06/06/2019 16:05

And also I want to ask, what exactly do you want to achieve? The mum getting such a scare from SS she never does it again? Slow clap for you ‘saving this babies life’.

Let’s just be honest here, the lot of you are getting a thrill out of the idea that you are right and someone might get in trouble for their wrongness. Dressed up as mock shock and concern.

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calpop · 06/06/2019 16:07

Crazy thing to do. But a) the school have no power to investigate and b) you might have misheard or not heard all of the conversation. You'd be better off calling SS yourself of you're sure.

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Fresta · 06/06/2019 16:07

Anything could happen? Like what?

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neveradullmoment99 · 06/06/2019 16:08

Actually happy, I don't think that is true, certainly not for me.
My concern is that if she leaves a small baby at home, maybe she could leave the others too.
What I think should be achieved is child protection.

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User8888888 · 06/06/2019 16:08

I can see why it’s tempting but it is neglectful. At that age they can start to roll, vomit over themselves or wake up and be screaming for the duration of the time someone was gone. You just can’t leave a baby like that and it is crappy judgement to do so.

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neveradullmoment99 · 06/06/2019 16:10

I don't want the mum to get into trouble, but the children are the priority.

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NotMyUsualNameNoSiree · 06/06/2019 16:10

It's absolutely awful parenting/neglectful but bare in mind that if you report it there's every chance she's going to think mum 2 reported her. Is she likely to make life difficult for mum 2? Mum 2 may have, I don't know her well enough to ask. I equally don't know Mum 1 well enough to know if she's likely to get particularly stroppy.

You're right @bertrandrussell that statistically the baby is safest in her cot at home, crossing the road is much more dangerous than being left alone for 10 minutes. She's also much safer being a stationary 4 month old, rather than a toddling 12 month old...But it definitely feels more neglectful to leave a baby behind than take one with you.

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Pinkvoid · 06/06/2019 16:10

YANBU. No idea what would possess anyone to leave a baby home alone for any amount of time... All she had to do was place the baby in its pram and push it onto the school, why risk leaving it home alone?

Awful parenting.

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Buddytheelf85 · 06/06/2019 16:13

Let’s just be honest here, the lot of you are getting a thrill out of the idea that you are right and someone might get in trouble for their wrongness. Dressed up as mock shock and concern.

Couldn’t agree more with this.

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NotMyUsualNameNoSiree · 06/06/2019 16:18

Let’s just be honest here, the lot of you are getting a thrill out of the idea that you are right and someone might get in trouble for their wrongness. Dressed up as mock shock and concern.

Not at all. My problem is the guilt I'd feel if something did happen, and I had done nothing. No less selfish, but far less drama llama.

My second concern is that she might get too confident, and it might escalate to leaving the baby for longer, increasing the chances of something happening.

For ultimate clarity: I think there is almost no chance of anything bad happening to the baby, house fires and home invasions are thankfully rare. I worry about the mum being stuck outside (lost key, involved in an accident) and the baby being stuck inside.

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Freudianslip1 · 06/06/2019 16:18

I remember this was quite common with Pakistani/B engali/Indian households when my eldest was in primary school. It wasn't out of neglect, they felt it was safer to leave babies/toddlers alone briefly than to expose them to the cold air. The school caught onto this and used key workers to explain to the mothers that this wasn't appropriate and could warrant SS interventions.

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MorondelaFrontera · 06/06/2019 16:21

Aren't parents advised to keep their babies in the same room as them overnight until they are six months old?

I don't know anyone who felt they had to stay in the same room at all time until they were 6 months Grin

Mine went in their own bedroom at 3 months top, not everybody agrees with the UK's advice anyway.

I wouldn't have left a baby for the school run, but I've left mine for similar amount of time when I was hanging laundry in the garden for example. It's not that outrageous.

I don't see on what ground you feel you can let the school know. It's not abuse, it' s not neglect, it's someone having a different opinion as yours.

Start a thread about leaving a baby in the garden: half the posters will scream in horror, the other half will tell you it's perfectly normal.

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MorondelaFrontera · 06/06/2019 16:21

My second concern is that she might get too confident, and it might escalate to leaving the baby for longer, increasing the chances of something happening.

FFS, listen to yourself! Patronising much?

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nokidshere · 06/06/2019 16:22

The reason I'd mention it to the school @nokidshere is because they would know what to do, they are trained in safeguarding, they are mandatory reporters if they have any safeguarding concerns, I am none of those things. I'm just a nosy-parker who overheard a conversation in the playground which left me feeling uncomfortable.

You don't need to be trained in safeguarding to express a concern over a child. You call them say "hi a mum at school is picking up her children and has left a 4 month baby at home alone". It really is that simple. No training necessary.

The local safeguarding team can deal with it quickly and efficiently and the information is always best coming from the person concerned.

I hate that people pass it on to others. If YOU have a concern then YOU report it.

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Lovestonap · 06/06/2019 16:24

On my own here, but totally don't have a problem with this.

A mother has made a judgement call to leave her non mobile baby unsupervised sleeping in a cot for 10 minutes. Yes, if something happened she would be answerable and regret the decision. But as to alerting authorities, please!

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BarryBarryTaylor · 06/06/2019 16:25

Christ that’s horrendous, and such a stupid idea.
Anything could happen. Yes it may be unlikely that something does, but I wouldn’t play Russian roulette that chance.

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Celebelly · 06/06/2019 16:26

It's weird, really. I'll happily leave DD chilling on her playmat to hang washing out or when she's napping to go and do chores in other parts of the house or even clear out the car on the driveway, but going that length of time or even distance off my actual 'property' feels 'wrong.

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