To think this wasn’t my fault?

[BrainScience]

At a soft play today with my 3yo. The place is absolutely massive, probably one of the biggest ones in the country. Dc’s are allowed in the mainframe bit unaccompanied but due to the being an exit from both the top and bottom floor and it being big enough for me not to hear dc if he gets stuck/ lost/ hurt so follow him around (and go on all the slides because they’re actually really fun).

Anyway I take our shoes off and leave them with my bag at a table on the bottom floor and go into the play frame with dc. When we come out after about 45 minutes my bag is on the floor with the contents everywhere, cards out of purse, car keys on floor etc. There is also some tablets on the floor - I keep a sheet (8 tablets) of Nurofen plus in my bag, plus a sheet of microgynon (contraceptive pill) zipped up in the inside pocket of my bag in case I ever get a headache or realise I’ve forgotten to take pill at home.

I start tidying it up, immediately assuming I’ve been robbed and thinking how to get home, who to call etc. When woman comes trotting over and says ‘Oh god, sorry. I saw Molly* playing over here but didnt realise she’d gone through your bag! What a little monster!’ and starts to help tidying it up. I mention the tablets are out of the foil and count the ones I pick up. The Nurofen is in sheets of 8 and I can only find 7 tablets, definitely 8 in there before. Everyone has a bit of a panic asking little girl, only 18mo or so, if she’d put any in her mouth, she didn’t really understand. I then find the last tablet at the bottom of my bag (phew!).

A member of staff comes over and wants to fill in an incident form, just in case girl had swallowed any. Woman (who was a childminder rather than parent) still really worried about little girl but I was certain there were only 8 and they still had the print on them so hadn’t got wet. I give my number to both staff member and childminder and ask childminder to call me just to let me know girl is ok.

I then get a lecture from staff member about how if I left medication unattended again I wouldn’t be allowed to return, with childminder clearly taking side of staff member. There are no lockers on the floor we were on (there’s a few on the top floor but they’re generally out of order) and I am normally perfectly happy taking the risk of leaving my bag on the bottom floor at the table.

Aibu to have medicine in a zipped pocket of my bag? I have genuinely never given it a thought but I was made to feel like a was leaving a plate of cocaine on the table for kids to help themselves to. If a kid does injure themselves on anything they take out of my closed bag, surely it’s the fault of the adult not supervising their child? Or am I just being ridiculously thoughtless about it all?

ellen thanks, but no need to worry about addiction - I’ve had the same sheet of Nurofen in my bag since I got them when I had my wisdom tooth removed last year. That’s how I knew exactly how many should’ve been there. I didn’t know they were no good for headaches - I assumed that because they were stronger they’d work better, but if codeine is no good for headaches I’ll stick some paracetamol in my bag instead. Although that would probably have been a lot more dangerous if little girl had managed to swallow them.

Always good to be reminded about dangers of codeine though. I had a friend who got addicted to it after back surgery and got really ill. I hadn’t considered that Nurofen plus was addicted but now I’ve looked at the actual box it’s got it plastered all over it.

Most objects in a handbag ould be a danger for a toddler. Coins, keys, pens, tampons etc

That's why they can't be left unsupervised. The child, not the bag.

Not everything is someone's fault.

MN seems full of people who claim that children need to be watched 100% of the time, every second of every minute of every hour of everyday, but I don't believe there has ever been any carer of a child ever who has managed this.

Soft play areas are specifically designed so that children can't really hurt themselves. Of course parents and children go there and relax their guard - soft play's entire business model is based parents /carers being to do this. Its why they exist.

Childminders have children for about 10 hours a day. Of course they aren't able to watch them every minute of those ten hours. Of course the childminder took that child to soft play precisely because it was a safe place and she could relax a little.

Not everything that happens is someone's fault. The only thing wrong with this whole situation and this thread is the attempt to apportion blame.

grayday that’s exactly what I thought at the time. The childminder was really shaken up and I wasn’t blaming her at all, just trying to reassure her that it was ok. It was just when she suddenly sided with the staff member that I thought ‘hang on, if it is anyone’s fault it’s not mine!’

I don't agree. It's HER bag, the ultimate lies only with the childminder, no one else.
If a child was injured in any way whilst with a carer, blame would fall with them, no one else.
You have to be responsible for the child you are watching/have, no one else.

OP, please don't blame yourself.

YANBU. You could have had a bag of hard boiled sweets for your children and the 18-month old could have chocked with one. Or coins in your purse Same principle and risk. The CM should have been supervising an 18-month old. She also saw her and didn't think of going there to check and put stuff back. I'm shocked the place was blaming you because most people I know have some medicines of one kind or the other and I consider a closed bag (and a zip inside) a safe place. Yes, things could have gone wrong but so could have been with the sweets and it would not have been your fault.

OP has a responsibility to not have anything in her bag that will be harmful in the normal day to day interactions that she could expect in a soft play. If she had a hand grenade that would explode if the bag was knocked off a table that would be unreasonable because OP should have anticipated that her bag might be knocked. Having routine medication in a zipped up compartment is clearly not unreasonable since OP wouldn't have reasonably expected an unsupervised child to be rifling through the contents of her bag for long enough to injest anything.

That's pure and utter rubbish!

The fault lies with the childminder. She should have been watching the child and a child that young should be watched all the time.

If childminders find they need time to relax then they should get another job.
If my child was playing and opened up a bag which wasn't actually IN the play area then took some tablets or played with them, it would be my fault for not watching the child that I am responsible for, I can't blame anyone else.

Totally agree and great analogy

of course the child shouldn't have been allowed to get as far as grabbing the bag/unzipping it/emptying it out and playing with the contents. But I bet it isn't the first time in living memory such a thing has happened. Therefore IMO anyone who leaves medication lying around, has not assessed the risk sufficiently. You can't plan on the basis that other people will parent/mind their children in the same way as you do. No-one was really at fault here, or everyone was.

And here we go,

I would say 99% the fault of the childminder (and I know kids can be quick but this is a toddler who unzipped the bag, ransacked the contents and then popped the pills out of the foil - this wasn't a few seconds the childminder wasn't watching)

However I do think you shouldn't have left your handbag on the floor - I don't know anyone who does - but I'd have been more worried about theft then a little kids getting medication out

Heart Spray, Glucose tablets , Insulin pen , headache tablets , Diabetic blood test with needles and reader .
I'd need a blooming big bum bag !

You're not talking about a minute though. How could the childminder not have seen what the child was doing?
If it was my child I would want to know about it.

What the hell was the childminder doing when the little toddler was rifling through your bag. It is not your fault. I personally wouldn't have left my bag but more because of theft. I would have thought about pills I had in my bag either. Its your private stuff. She is completely out of order and was looking to blame you for it.

It’s standard practice for people to leave their bags and coats unattended - I try not to take anything in with me other than cash or card in my pocket and phone and keys but sometimes it can’t be helped, and I have never given it a thought about medication in my CLOSED bag - and I always have strong painkillers because I have fibromyalgia... it is not a risk to ANYONE unless they are going through it and clearly the CM wasn’t paying attention.
Don’t let anyone tell you it’s your fault - otherwise we are both terrible mums in the eyes of people that wouldn’t be my cup of tea anyway! I’m happy with being a shit mum... my kids are alive, happy and loved! So are yours, no doubt x

and a child that young should be watched all the time

That's impossible. Its a ridiculous expectation. No-one can do this.

I don't think you are in the wrong here OP.

The childminder should have been watching the child more carefully - especially at such a young age! My son is 5 but I still watch him closely at soft plays etc.

The child must have been going through the bag for a while if she managed to kill soany things out which begs the question 'what was the child minder doing?'

This type of place in my experience Always has a sign unaccompanied children not allowed and All children must be Supervised at all times.
Medication bit dodgy, maybe mini lock on a zip.
Two exits decidedly odd unless both manned

OP should be able to carry whatever she wants in her bag! Some people need to carry around medication. Should they not attend soft play and the likes because there are children around?!

Childminder was at fault. Staff should not be blaming you.

vynal it’s a sort of adventure park place that has a warehouse in it with soft play. So if kids walk out of the soft play they’re just in the adventure park rather than out in the wild iyswim. The exits to the main park are manned but not the specific soft play bit.

of course the child shouldn't have been allowed to get as far as grabbing the bag/unzipping it/emptying it out and playing with the contents. But I bet it isn't the first time in living memory such a thing has happened. Therefore IMO anyone who leaves medication lying around, has not assessed the risk sufficiently.

Ridiculous argument. What if the child had swallowed a coin - or a piece of chewing gum and choked or put a plastic bag over her head? Surely the lesson to be learned is that children need to be supervised.

@Ihatemyseleffordoingthis Having headache tablets in your bag is not leaving them lying around.

OP has a responsibility to not have anything in her bag that will be harmful in the normal day to day interactions that she could expect in a soft play.

So that would include loose change, makeup (that could be ingested), plastic bags (inc. nappy bags), anything with small lids, mirrors, aerosols, etc.

Or perhaps, more realistically the CARER has a responsibility to not let her charges wander around rifling in other people’s bags.

and a child that young should be watched all the time
That's impossible. Its a ridiculous expectation. No-one can do this.

Please tell me you are not a childminder or a nanny!

Of course it's possible. I have never left my 18 month old out of my sight in soft play or anywhere else at that age.
I have been to many with "baby sections" where you can see everything from your table if you sit next to it and have a coffee, or just stayed with mine if they explored the bigger section.

What kind of parent leave an 18 month old unsupervised in a public place!