To email burns nurse 2 years later?

[whatdoyouthinkk]

Two years ago DS burnt his hand on my straighteners which was obviously an accident and as if I didn't feel like a bad mum enough the nurse made this report.

The first referral she made got closed she then contacted them again to express how frustrated she was that the first referral was closed as she had a major concern about the care of my son and for the case to be reviewed. It got closed again.

I've only just read it now as it was delivered to my mums house and I feel so bloody angry I was driving 100 miles to take DS to his burns appointments. Not once did I show any behaviour to suggest I couldn't care for my son.

I understand it's her job to refer to social services but to contact them twice in a week after they already closed it makes me so angry.

Aibu to email her?

@corythatwas intimidating ??I have to disagree with that interpretation.
The Accident happened due to the neglectful act of the Op.
I think the key word that has yet to be used is responsibility.
If the Op took responsibility for the mistake she made which was a neglectful act of leaving a hot appliance in the presence of a minor then maybe just maybe in looking to her owning responsibility in this situation she would feel less ‘angry’ at a professional carrying out her responsibilities. Simple.
AND just because Op says it was innocent it still resulted in a minor at A&E. Accidents happen but not everyone has the luxury of ignorance of being able to take a person at their word...

Also she is a burns nurse so she is well aware of safeguarding and referring

Don't email her, but, if you have only just been sent a copy of the case notes/letter etc and you feel that she was unprofessional in her handling of it, write a letter to the relevant department. Explain how awful you have felt over the accident and that this has compounded it. The fact that they didn't raise it or see an issue shows that they felt that you were a good mother and it was just accidental.

Sorry, to clarify, the complaint, if you go down that route, should only be if they have only just sent you the letter after all this time. If, however, you have only just seen it, but it had been sent months and months ago, then I would let it lie as it's in the past. Try not to beat yourself up over the accident. Hindsight is a wonderful thing and it is easy to judge others (assume have judged you on this forum). Sometimes we forget how tired, barely functioning, constantly distracted, mothering is.

I haven't read all of the replies on here but I'll give my 2 pence worth.

I am a hcp. We are taught to raise a safeguarding flag should we see ANY signs of potential abuse. They also tell us to rely on our " gut feelings" too.

Also don't dwell on the " what she saw of you in the hospital" lots of the cases I have reported and have proved correct. The responsible adult there came across as caring and super attentive. Yet sometimes (rightly and wrongly) the alarm bells just go off.

I have sadly had to raise many safeguarding concerns over the years. Some of them I have probably been way off the mark and I've potentially caused undue upset. However, I have always told myself that I would much rather something be investigated and proved to be wrong than see that childs/adults face in a newspaper after something terrible happening and knowing I could have done something to prevent it.
Sometimes you just have a little niggling feeling that you need someone to look over for you.
Try not to take it to heart.

Apollo boy. I understand your obvious passion, having explained your nursing background, but I do agree with other posters that your tone is 'intimidatory', whether you mean for it to be or not and you have been rather hard on the OP. I sincerely doubt that she is remorseless over what happened and negligent is rather a hard stance to adopt.

What do you plan to say to her?! She was doing her job at the end of the day and if the same situation presents itself again then l am sure she would do the same. It's nothing personal, she has a duty of care and professional obligations

Completely outing now. But I have worked at Sheffield children's burns unit and it is procedure to report burns of a child under a certain age and more crucially a certain percentage of burns to social services. And yes it is intrusive but we had to evidence it had been done. You can't send a child home to anywhere in the north without having referred to social services in their area if anything it's to make sure the child is being followed up. Sheffield is a HUGE referral centre, so a child can be blue lighted from their referring hospital, treated initially on the burns unit and then sent back to their hospital to have after care if it's really far away.

If we treated a child and then sent them back to their hospital without documenting concerns or even following protocol, and that child is already known to social services then that would be severe negligence, we also have a duty to tell the school nurse or at the very least the named nurse in charge of the school catchment area for that child.

YABVVVU

@MsMD has it spot on earlier in the thread.

the health visitor came round the next day after my dd had a burn, she had a burn at one of the Sure start places and they put a Lot in place to make sure it didnt happen again. As indeed they should have, a parent had left a coffee on the floor and my crawling dd tipped it over her.

Corythatwas
Corblimeygovenor
2 identities to boost your opinion is questionable...
Ask yourself why the need to validate your opinion? My gut feeling has definitely kicked in now... I won’t engage further

9 month old with serious contact burns, she was doing her job properly, I would refer and she was quite right to ask for the safeguarding to be reviewed if she was not satisfied. Professional curiosity around safeguarding is good practice and if I were her line manger responding to any complaint I would tell you that.

@newyoiker... common sense will prevail... just always wish that there was more support from the community at large.
Yes we may get it ‘wrong’ but surely IF there is nothing to hide and as uncomfortable as the process must be... I would want the mindset from the person/persons looked at..... thank you for taking responsibility, you tried to protect child/elder/vulnerable member.
Not one of ANGER!!!
PLEASE BE ASSURED IT IS NEVER EASY TO MAKE THAT REPORT.

Apollo boy, I'm not sure that I really understand what you're getting at. It was your tone (and not your opinion) that was 'intimidating'. Several people have picked you up on it here, and actually been quite measured (compared with the roasting which you gave the OP). It matters not whether you think that you are intimidating. It's whether your tone or actions make other people feel uncomfortable/intimidated.

2 identities to boost your opinion is questionable...

is this another instance of your measured tone?

if you suspect me of sock-puppeting, the proper procedure is to report my posts (or rather the posts of CorBlimey) to the moderators and they will be able to confirm that this is not the case

there is a handy report button at the right-hand top corner of each message for this

Apollo boy
Wow. I receive a message from you saying that you have reported me?? For calmly saying that your tone was intimidating/harsh after you so openly attacked the OP. And you have the audacity to question the capability of the OP to look after her children due to her 'obvious anger problems' and accuse her of being a bully?? I find this very ironic. And actually, if I'm honest, rather worrying.

The aggressive way of communicating is sort of proving the point of those who have said not all HCP get it right.
I don’t think anyone has said communicating with this nurse is helpful but nor is berating a young mum who made a mistake and loves her child. Thankfully most of us don’t need to point out harshly all a young woman’s ‘failings’ on the internet to feel good about ourselves.
Take a breath and remember these are other humans you are talking to.

Apolloboy
It is attitude like yours which have turned Ds away from HCPs

The comment about op being neglectful makes me think you have very little idea about raising children full time.

I am amazed given your job you can’t take on board accidents do happen and to call an accident as neglectful is ridiculous.

Every child falls over, pulls something on themselves or falls down something.

I can't believe you were so perfect raising your children that they didn’t ever do anything to get themselves injured.

All you do with the attitude you have is put off people from seeking help

Apolloboy I find your approach to the OP overly aggressive, lacking in empathy, and really quite odd.

I have no idea what your problem is, or why you are taking this so personally, but it might be an idea to reflect on how your approach will make OP feel. I doubt it will have the effect you intend.

OP, I can see why you would feel angry and hurt that this woman reported you not once, but twice and then pushed for you to be investigated. In your shoes I would feel humiliated, and pretty angry that my parenting was being called into question in this way. However, I agree with most pps that you will not gain anything from re-opening the can of worms. Indeed, you could make things worse if, by bad fortune, your complaint was dealt with by somebody who had similar levels of empathy and psychological insight as Apolloboy, who then chose to view it as evidence of your guilt , rather than see it for what it was - a very natural level of hurt and anger.

Best to let it go now.

Child abuse/neglect is one of the worst things to be accused of. I also understand the emotion behind what you are saying - especially when this lady was so brutally determined about it, too.

Unfortunately, there is no back up from the fall out of these investigations. The problem is, everything has become so child focused and how the parents are faring is almost an aside but, if they are to parent effectively, everyone needs to be ok not just the children.

I can't see how taking a family apart, in certain cases where children can be removed wrongly , without putting it back together is in anyone's interest, not less the child's.

Perhaps you should complain but not directly to the nurse..I doubt it will get anywhere as 'they were doing their job blah blah' but, at least you have made your voice heard and let them know your feelings as a parent count, too.

I completely agree Gandalf. Of course the children should come first. But that doesn't mean the parents should come nowhere! Their well-being is important too, and as you say, is crucial to their ability to parent effectively.

Apollo Boy - you've reported me again for a second time for 'personal attacks'?? Honestly. I am perplexed.

Unfortunately, there is no back up from the fall out of these investigations. The problem is, everything has become so child focused and how the parents are faring is almost an aside but, if they are to parent effectively, everyone needs to be ok not just the children.

But how has the OP fared negatively because of this? No one came anywhere near removing her kids. She didn't appear to even know it had happened until 2 years after the event.

@MzHz

"Every accident in the home that injures a child enough to warrant hospital treatment is referred to SS"

That is just not true. Your child's health visitor or school nurse is notified every time your child attends A&E, they then review the notification, decide whether any follow up is needed and either actions the follow up or just files the report away in their child health records.

Op, don't email the nurse for Christ sake! She was doing her job and doing it very well by the sounds of it! I'd do the same if a 9 month old had been so badly burnt by hair straighteners that they needed dressing changes, I'd be making sure it was properly reviewed by social care for that matter too.

Do not email her and do not blame her for doing her job. From your side it was an accident. You should be glad that she is being protective about your child.

I have heard of a case before of a child who was abused and part of the abuse was 'punishing' the child by burning with hair straighteners. It is sick but there are people who do things like that deliberately.

It is better for her to make the referral than to miss and have to live with the guilt if that child was actually being abused and you did nothing about it. She may have re-raised it, but she was worried about your child (after all she does not know you to know you are a good parent) and if they closed it without even really looking into she was just being cautious.