To email burns nurse 2 years later?

[whatdoyouthinkk]

Two years ago DS burnt his hand on my straighteners which was obviously an accident and as if I didn't feel like a bad mum enough the nurse made this report.

The first referral she made got closed she then contacted them again to express how frustrated she was that the first referral was closed as she had a major concern about the care of my son and for the case to be reviewed. It got closed again.

I've only just read it now as it was delivered to my mums house and I feel so bloody angry I was driving 100 miles to take DS to his burns appointments. Not once did I show any behaviour to suggest I couldn't care for my son.

I understand it's her job to refer to social services but to contact them twice in a week after they already closed it makes me so angry.

Aibu to email her?

If you email you'll come across as defensive. No one would like to be reported to SS but it doesn't sound like it was malicious and no harm came if it so you need to let it go.

To be fair to her - this was an avoidable accident. I understand that it was not intentional on your part but I've come across children with deliberate burn marks - where an adult has deliberately burnt a child's skin with cigarettes. So she would have viewed any instance where a parent failed to protect a child from getting burnt with suspicion.
I know it's horrible but your child's safety comes first. So vent on here and then maybe relax a bit.

I don't even know really I would like to know what her concerns were. Why she didn't mention them to me when I took DS to have his dressings changed all them times, if she was so concerned to refer to social services twice.

There's every chance the nurse wont remember you, she's seen hundreds of patients since then.

Every accident in the home that injures a child enough to warrant hospital treatment is referred to SS.

When my ds was burnt 5years ago we were told this.

Burns is a very difficult injury to process, as a parent you feel totally guilty and the medical team we had absolutely addressed this. There were also dozens of posters warning about straighteners and hair tongs all over the ward.

The fact that she referred you twice but it was closed twice means to me that perhaps she’s known for this and her concerns aren’t taken seriously.

While this worries me a little in the way that what if she does flag up a real case that needs someone to look at the welfare of a child, but I believe that the SS wouldn’t just take a single report from one nurse. I feel sure they would ask others on the ward, doctors etc

You know you’re not doing your child harm, but know that there are some who do, I’d be upset at this, but you have to let it go

(Huge Hug) from a fellow burns mum

My ds had an accident that the school repeatedly asked me and him about.
I was pleased they kept asking, i knew it was an accident and it was one of those awful things, DS was thankfully fine.
However, there may be a child in his class that it wasn't an accident, look at it that way she's potentially protecting someone elses child, don't email it might stop her reporting again. Its social services job to investigate, its hers to report.

whatdoyouthinkk please do not hassle the nurse for doing her job.

When my dd was about 18 months old she ran into a wall, with her head and had to go to hospital. My health visitor was told. I was quite surprised but I wasn't worried and it was fine.

In your shoes I really would not take this further. talking to you at the time would have been totally unproductive and unprofessional.

For child protection, her job, professional duty (and possible legal duty, I'm not sure) is to report when she has concerns. I understand why you might be upset but her following up once or twice or ten times (to understand the system better and to confirm no mistake has been made that could lead to harm to a child) isn't really your concern.

She shouldn't raise her concerns with you when providing care to a child. Some parents would 'kick off' or try and take their child away or assault her, none of which would help her provide adequate care to her child or help her safety. I expect some parents (not you)_ would try and blame her for provoking trouble.

You might want to ask yourself if she has concerns and has a duty to raise with social services, what would be the benefit in raising this with you when you would be upset about your child?

I see why you are annoyed, but just move on from this. I'm a hcp and like this nurse, a mandatory reporter. The training on this explains that even if you don't know the whole story/aren't sure/it isn't clear cut, you must still report, tell them what you know and the relevant people will take it from there. If it turns out to be nothing, that's good. However you can get in trouble if you don't report - including losing your job.

I think you had the result you needed when SS closed the case: she was told, not once but twice, that her concerns were unfounded. You emailing her isn't going to add anything to that.

I'd say her concerns were pretty well founded tbh. How did he burn himself badly enough to warrant burns appointments, with a pair of straighteners?

I've burnt myself a few times, and the straighteners only touched me for a second. How was it touching him long enough to do such damage?

As for why she didn't mention it to you, the training specifically says not to raise your concerns with the parents (although you should let them know a report has been made). As pp says, that could lead to them clamming up, kicking off or leaving with the child. Also, we are nurses, not police or social workers, so it's not our job to start questioning/accusing/interrogating anyone. You report it so the people who specialise in this area can investigate properly.

She was doing her job- she HAS to refer if she has an inkling something may have happened.
It’s done it’s closed and hopefully your little one is fit and well.

YABVU- it's her job to report and be looked into, then closed if no case. It's not personal, she doesn't know you from Adam, it's her job to care for vulnerable persons, which a child is classed as. There was no case, I'm not sure what emailing her now exactly would achieve.

What are you hoping to achieve with emailing her?

An apology? For doing her job?

Or maybe you want to intimidate her so that she thinks twice about referring someone in the future, of course you might then be indirectly causing a child who is at risk to be harmed, but hey, as long as that pesky nurse is put in her place and knows you aren't intimidated that doesn't matter does it.

I can see why it's upsetting, but better some parents (like you) are upset than the nurse is put off reporting suspected abuse and some slips through the net as a result.

Sorry, I think YABU

Eliza children's skin is much thinner. They will be more seriously burnt than an adult would from the same thing. My ds pulled my straighteners down onto the floor then put his finger between the plates, he could not have been in contact with them for more than a second or two but his burn was far nastier than I imagine mine would have been in the same situation. Also he was a very young child in sudden intense pain- he definitely had the instinct to pull away but probably not the coordination at that moment.

Whilst I understand that you may be innocent of all charges, she wouldnt know that, and it is probably safer for her report and potential chase up any suspicions they have. It is an extremely hard and stressful job and if sometimes they error on the side of caution then I think that's probably the better process.
I am sorry about the stress it has caused you, but maybe for some other child it could have saved alot of abuse.

I completely understand it was her job to refer me but it's just horrible for me to read. I would love to know what her "major concerns" were.

@Eliza9919 babies have way more delicate skin than we have. He picked them up and dropped them in seconds but they still put a dressing on.

I just think maybe if I wasn't a single "youngish" mother at the time she wouldn't of made a referral twice.

If it happened now and my OH was there would we still get referred twice? I think probably not.

@icannotremember spot on!

She was absolutely doing her job. Put it behind you.

I wouldn’t advise emailing her however, I can understand the fact she went for a second report would upset you.

Let it go OP - holding onto these things and escalating them upsets you even more. It isn't worth it. She may have overreacted, she may not have much life experience (you don't say how old she was), she may be superjudgey - plenty of that on this thread.

I think the comment above about every incident being reported to SS is a nonsense by the way - SS have far too much to do. It will depend on the circumstances but a simple accident won't trigger a referral.

It is her job to do that I although i imagine it feels awful. My son was injured at school and had to have hospital treatment and surgery we ended up seeing lots of different health care workers the nurse and doctor at the first hospital plus we got blue lighted to another hospital and saw a doctor then consultant I was questioned a lot by each person who saw us and they write it down. it did feel a bit like being interrogated about it and he was at school so I wasn't there when it happened but obviously he was seriously injured and they needed to ask. Im glad your son is ok it's awful when they are injured and perhaps this has brought up those feelings for you again ? I know I feel like this about certain things.

YABU - let it go.

When you work with children in any capacity you have to safeguard them. If you feel that a complaint has not been dealt with appropriately, it's your responsibility to query it or bring it back up.

I think it's a positive - better to double check than not check at all.