To email burns nurse 2 years later?

[whatdoyouthinkk]

Two years ago DS burnt his hand on my straighteners which was obviously an accident and as if I didn't feel like a bad mum enough the nurse made this report.

The first referral she made got closed she then contacted them again to express how frustrated she was that the first referral was closed as she had a major concern about the care of my son and for the case to be reviewed. It got closed again.

I've only just read it now as it was delivered to my mums house and I feel so bloody angry I was driving 100 miles to take DS to his burns appointments. Not once did I show any behaviour to suggest I couldn't care for my son.

I understand it's her job to refer to social services but to contact them twice in a week after they already closed it makes me so angry.

Aibu to email her?

You do realise that a SS referral can also be about helping you get support, not just for reporting suspected abuse? Maybe in the circumstances of you being young, single, newly having to move in with your mum she felt you also needed support?

But she did the right thing, inc recontacting them if she felt they'd shut it down too quickly.

Safeguarding is part of her Job. You shouldn't leave children unsupervised around straighteners. It's the number 1 cause of burns to children in the UK. No wonder nurses are fed up with it. Entirely avoidable.

MitziK - I'm so shocked and saddened by your post. I hope your life is happy now

Why do people feel they have to post things like "You shouldn't leave children unsupervised around straighteners?" Does anyone seriously think OP hasn't worked that one out?

YABU and good for her for doing her job.

Would also like to know why you were driving 100 miles to burns appointments.

It implies he burnt his hand so badly he required specialist treatment, which is unusual. It would raise concern of lack of supervision if a 9 month old was left unsupervised to the point they burnt themselves to that extent.

The fact you saw her several times and she still referred twice means there was something about the situation she wasn't happy about.

Could be lots of things - did you seek medical treatment straight away? Not attend appointments? Not follow the advice? May be he came to appointments with other injuries, or you you did?

There are usually multiple factors that trigger a referral

You won't be the first person she has referred and you won't be the last. She did her job and will continue to do her job regardless of what you send in your email. All it will achieve is you venting at her.

Well op hadn't worked it out when her child was burned due to her negligence 🙄

Why do people feel they have to post things like "You shouldn't leave children unsupervised around straighteners?" Does anyone seriously think OP hasn't worked that one out

This. Some MNers really seem to think we will believe they are utterly perfect and never ever make a mistake. My mum was swinging on an arm chair when she was about 6 and landed in the fire! Miraculously she was ok and had no scarring in later life but some of you on here would have had her grandmother prosecuted.

As for the 100 miles to burns appointments it was probably to see specialists who deal with babies. People have already posted that skin is particularly fragile - it probably need special care to ensure no scarring later in life.

He burnt his hand when we was in Sheffield we could of gone to a hospital closer to our home but I kept him there.

Let it go Elsa

I’ve been in the sort of role that does these referrals frequently and I think you are justified being pissed off OP. Just because someone has a valid cause to make referrals doesn’t mean they can’t abuse their power. I’ve seen in multidisciplinary safeguarding meetings some definite prejudices and personal dislikes being conflated with actual facts about the situation. ‘Professional judgement’ can cover a lot of rubbish as well as carefully honed skills.
Unfortunately there is nothing to be gained from cobtacting her and lots to be lost. But just wanted to say I understand where you are coming from.

LaMarschallin I had that same worry as you with the birthmark as my son has had a Mongolian blue spot from birth, although they are common in non-white babies I was paranoid about someone making a report so got the doctor to document it in his red book !

OP, it's better that 10 families get reported and it comes to nothing than 1 child is seriously injured or worse by their caregivers. YABU.

But she didn't do anything wrong? In fact if she knows you're stewing over something that was ultimately about your child's welfare you'll only renew her concerns.

she was doing her job, thank goodness for people like her.
be glad she looks out for children and isnt swayed.
she may well have moved on so an email may be pointless.

close this case op.
are you ok otherwise?
opening old wounds is not good
rehashing old events

Can't believe there are any parents on here who haven't had a number of 'near misses' which could have potentially harmed their dcs. I know we certainly did! Nobody ever had their baby fall off a bed because they hadn't realised they could roll yet? Nobody ever had a toddler grab a cup of hot tea? I once just managed to pull a small hand out of a car window which dh was closing electronically without noticing that ds had has fingers over the top. All of those things could have had disastrous consequences.

But I do think op that the nurse was doing her job and would far rather she reported innocent parents than risk a guilty parent going undetected.

@whatdoyouthinkk
I think you should focus on the fact your little one had excellent care falling a nasty burn that may have been preventable.
The nurse carried out her role and was professional.

Let it go I hope by letting it out on MN has made you feel better

I understand how you feel. I had a terrible migraine that happened so suddenly when I was stripping wall paper. I arrived at a&e looking a state. I was in so much pain I could hardly stand. I was reported for faking a collapse and drug seeking behaviour. My partner turned up about 10 minutes after I got there and explained but still had visits and the case was closed only to be reopened. It left me angry and unable to trust healthcare providers. You feel like they are calling you a monster. I really wanted to talk to the woman who reported me to ask her why the hell she just jumped to that conclusion without even talking to me. It’s never a nice position to be in. Even just telling us that they had reported us so that it wasn’t such a shock when the children’s services letters turned up would have been something. I will never trust a doctor or nurse again.

I 100% understand why you are upset but from the nurses point of view she hasn’t done anything wrong. I’m not sure if it’s the same but in a school you are now obligated to report even a suspicion and follow it up if you do t think it’s been properly investigated or you yourself could be prosecuted for not reporting it. Just think of it this way yes you done nothing wrong but if this nurse is like this with every suspicion she has it could stop a child being abused.

You are being totally unreasonable. All accidents in the home have to be logged with social services. She was doing her job. If I was her and you contacted me I would report you for harassment.

We got reported by a nursery two years ago. I still feel probably like you do now. I have no advice but would probably leave it be. We felt our situation was malicious and thought about reporting to ofsted etc. But in the end we just left it. I often think about it and feel mad but I need to learn to move on as people above have said

I don't even know really I would like to know what her concerns were.

How on earth would she remember 2 years later?

I wouldn’t email her . It will probably stir up a lot of emotion in yourself and it was closed twice .
My eldest daughter did an injury on a trampoline in my back garden to her growth plate in her leg when she was 11 - 5 years later we are still being seen by the Consultant and I feel eternally guilty as it happened on my watch and when my husband was abroad . Sometimes there’s so
much emotion in us from these events I get that completely, but I don’t think emailing the nurse will help you . It sounds traumatic but she was just doing her job and as parents there are occasions when we all take our eye off the ball .