To email burns nurse 2 years later?

[whatdoyouthinkk]

Two years ago DS burnt his hand on my straighteners which was obviously an accident and as if I didn't feel like a bad mum enough the nurse made this report.

The first referral she made got closed she then contacted them again to express how frustrated she was that the first referral was closed as she had a major concern about the care of my son and for the case to be reviewed. It got closed again.

I've only just read it now as it was delivered to my mums house and I feel so bloody angry I was driving 100 miles to take DS to his burns appointments. Not once did I show any behaviour to suggest I couldn't care for my son.

I understand it's her job to refer to social services but to contact them twice in a week after they already closed it makes me so angry.

Aibu to email her?

Your son burnt his hand due to YOUR negligence & you want to contact the nurse who looked out for your sons best interests at a time when your reactions to the incident were heightening her concerns above just his injury enough to report you... to SAY WHAT.
Put aside your unreasonable ANGER at her WHICH IS CONCERNING ALONE & think of this another way... in the full capacity of her job she showed a duty of care to a minor beyond her nursing care & was worried enough AAabout your behaviour to push for the authorities to look beyond her initial concern. Look at how you were behaving at the time if you want to be angry at someone... be grateful for her diligence... sounds like she behaved responsibly and I support her decision against someone who feels 2 years later no remorse for having put your son in that position and is looking to apportion blame where it’s NOT warranted... angry??? You have a bloody cheek & if you do email & I was in her position I would definitely be seeking the authorities into looking at your inability to control your anger... especially as you are obviously still in charge of a minor. How dare you think you can bully her into submission just because you don’t like her interference... your arrogance is worrying.

YNBU. Emailing her will make you look unhinged. I doubt any explanation about what her concerns were would satisfy you. I can’t see any good outcome that could come from it.

The fact that she referred you twice but it was closed twice means to me that perhaps she’s known for this and her concerns aren’t taken seriously.
Rubbish. Thresholds are so high - you'd be surprised what isn't taken or is closed really quickly. (And that's not a criticism of SS but the reality of the current situation)

My DS aged 3 grabbed my switched off, but still hot, straighteners one night when I was a bit pissed, getting ready to go out with my cousin.
It didn't raise a blister and after we ran his little hand under the cold tap he was fine although there was a red mark for a couple of days. My DH was supposed to be watching him while we got ready to go out so we weren't in child mode. We reminded him fairly strongly. I don't think this is that serious... unless this is part of of a wider situation where the child is uncared for? I must admit, I never leave hot things accessible to my DS now and he's almost 9!

So yeah... the nurse was not unreasonable. Daft parents have to be helped sometimes. I include myself!

Apolloboy calm down dear

No, don't email her. You want people doing her job to be reporting concerns. It means that, because she's being extra cautious, children who are at risk will hopefully be helped.
You need to take your own feelings of injustice out of it and just think of what's best for overall children's wellbeing.

If you look at it a bit differently, it's reassuring that she did follow up on concerns. It means she cares.

OP do you think she was reporting you for any other reason than her concerns for your child? I can imagine it was very difficult for you, I really can.
But, speaking as a nurse myself, working in an extremely busy profession, she would have been doing what she thought was right, to protect the child and to protect herself and her Nursing PIN

Ss are there to help. You need to make your son realise they aren't bogeymen

Well then stop the threats.

YABU
There have been plenty of children not reported who then go on to suffer and die.
I'd rather 1000's of innocent parents reported if it meant that one child was saved.

Years and Years ago the HT of my sons primary school twice referred us to SS her reasons were as follows

1. ‘X has allergies and I feel mother fusses over him and I can’t put my finger on it but something isn’t right I would like you to investigate her’

When told it wasn’t enough to warrant anything she then a few days later did it again
2). ‘Mother is still fusing over X. I think it may be munchausens by proxy’
As asked her had she spoken to the gp she said no and that she just wanted us investigated and her concerns logged. It was totally uncalled for and malicious and do you know what I did the subject access request I read it all and I burnt the paperwork. It upset me as it wasnt true at all but I feel ss told her clearly it wasn’t worth them investigation despite how hard she tried

As hard as it is OP you need to just leave this. It won’t help to revisit it and try to ‘clear’ your name. Some things are best left in the past

The thing is for every 20 children who a professional has serious concerns about maybe only one or two will actually be in danger. They see a snapshot of you as a parent and make a judgement which won't be perfect. If we stop referring all 20 we'll miss the one or two children who are genuinely at risk.

My SiL is a wonderful mother but once got reported to social services by her GP. She'd just moved house and registered with a new practise and within a few weeks her kids had had 3 accidents (toddler fell down the stairs and a few days later ate something possibly poisonous from the garden, 4 year old got burned with water from the kettle within the same time frame). Nothing came of the referral other than a home visit. SiL was embarrassed but no harm was done.

@LIZS that's not correct. It is absolutely the role of the concerned professional to advise that they plan/have referred to children's social care unless they have credible reason that it would place the child or other vulnerable groups at risk. The guidance is called Working Together to Safeguard Children and parents can be part of that working together. Honesty and transparency generally fairs better with parents than things done behind their backs (although not in all cases). OP - it's been two years, let it go. She probably won't even remember you or your child I'm afraid and you would look odd dredging it up now

@ Ivestoppedreadingthenews
Thank you for the advice...! perfectly calm. I felt qualified to respond the way I did having 32 years experience in nursing... am currently working in the community. The abuse we see daily is still truly shocking & it takes true resilience to mentally fight to stay focused and unjaded. The decision to report concerns to SS is never taken lightly & each decision has to be approved, scrutinised and then as human beings with a conscience worried over...BUT... I would rather my decision to report be unwarranted than it to be proven correct... there is no pride in ‘getting it right’. I don’t think it’s right for this parent to try & intimidate that nurse via direct contact... next time she makes the decision to report she could be correct in raising concern & NO ONE should bully her into not making that decision.

@LIZS that's not correct. It is absolutely the role of the concerned professional to advise that they plan/have referred to children's social care unless they have credible reason that it would place the child or other vulnerable groups at risk. The guidance is called Working Together to Safeguard Children and parents can be part of that working together. Honesty and transparency generally fairs better with parents than things done behind their backs (although not in all cases). OP - it's been two years, let it go. She probably won't even remember you or your child I'm afraid and you would look a tad vindictive dredging it up now unless you have a genuine grievance where you can evidence she worked outside of the statutory guidance and local procedures

YABU. It sounds as if you're trying to get some sort of final 'closure' on a traumatic episode, but contacting the nurse will just bring it out into the open again.

As others have said, there's nothing vindictive about a HCP making such a referral if she has concerns. In fact, i think there's a legal duty to do it.

You have to keep your eye on young children all the time. My children are grown up now. When he was 8yrs one of my sons did not come home from school. He only had to walk down the path by the school to the house about 100 yds from the path end. The children had all gone and he was nowhere. There is a football field along that path and I did not see him until I came to where the trees ended and there he was: a gang of children had dragged him into the field where there was a pile of sand and had filled his eyes, ears, nose and mouth with builders sand. He could not see and could not shout for help. I could not believe that children could be so cruel to one another. If I had not found him when I did I dread to think what would have happened. School had been out less than half an hour. When I carried him into school the head was still there and some staff. I washed him as best I could and the head promised to sort it out and find out who did it. Nothing happened and I took all my children out of the school and into the private sector. It was not a cheap option. I did not expect to have to meet my 8 and 10 year olds from school as we were so close to it.

He burnt his hand when we was in Sheffield we could of gone to a hospital closer to our home but I kept him there.

The reason for the second referral is obvious then.

You kept him at that hospital for continuity of care, however some would have done that to avoid local health care services.

For example my parents regularly took us to difference hospitals, and even different GP’s in the practise, as it helped ensure no one person saw the burn and the broken wrist AND the bruised ribs.

It sounds like that nurse is very good on child protection and that is damn good for any kids in her area who need help.

Apolloboy, it did rather sound as if you were trying to intimidate the OP by letting her fear she was a neglectful parent.

I have already said she ought to leave it. But I have to say your first post sounded a good deal less measured and calm than hers did.

Yes. YWBU as well as a bit of a stalker/psycho. Maybe focus your attention on making sure that something like this never happens to your children, in your care, again.

If I received an angry email from a parent two years after I reported concerns about their child, I would

• be sharing it with my line manager, because behaving like that two years after the fact (two years after nothing happened - it's not like the child was removed) is ahem unusual and I'd want my colleagues to be alert for any potentially risky visitors
• that said, if there wasn't anything overtly threatening, I'd be mostly just rolling my eyes
• I wouldn't be replying to the email nor would I ever let myself be intimidated from making referrals for children I was concerned about
• I would have to save the text of the email on to the child's records. It would be important to keep it in case needed in the future (all our records are kept to the standard that we might have to present them in a court case one day - leaving out an email like that would not be acceptable)

Every accident in the home that injures a child enough to warrant hospital treatment is referred to SS.

Im a paediatric nurse and this is not true. Accidents do happen. It all depends on the circumstances, wether the mechanism of injury is plausible. If the story is consistent etc etc. Every case is looked at on an individual basis. Parents also have to be informed that a referral has been made, unless it would endanger the child or fabricated illness is suspected.

looking back I cannot believe a trained nurse would jump to thinking abuse because a child had damaged a fingernail.

This wasn't the reason she was questioning you.

If a child presents with an injury requiring hospital treatment and a parent can't say how it happened, it raises questions. Possible lack of supervision, potentially covering for someone else who intentionally hurt the child, the child being left alone at home etc. It's unusual for parents not to be able to recount details of an injury that would have caused their child to cry in pain.

There are so many cases of children that die from neglect or abuse who have attended A&E with injuries before their death. Loads. That's why questions should be and are asked.

Majority of these comments match my feelings. I've spent many years In a&e and working with a safeguarding team. Abuse takes many shape and forms, I've had a colleague referred as her child had a spiral fracture of the femur whuch is unusual. She understood why this way done (turned out to be a bone growth issue). If I saw a 10month old with burns severe enough to need burns unit review I'd absolutely refer. And yes, I have asked for a review before as I want to be completely sure the child is ok and in a safe environment. Emailing the nurse direct is incredibly innapropriate . If you are concerned go via Pals.

OP you’re getting a hard time on here. I get why you’re annoyed and angry. We try to watch our children all the time but we’re human and we make mistakes and take our eye off the ball. I think the nurse may have been a bit over zealous with the second referral but it’s done now and it was seen that you were a fit parent who was capable of looking after your own son.

Be as angry and frustrated as you want about it but don’t contact her. You won’t come out of it looking good and it won’t do you any favours.

AIBU can be quite brutal at times and many people will jump right down your throat and on the bandwagon with others. Forget this thread and your experience with the nurse