To email burns nurse 2 years later?

[whatdoyouthinkk]

Two years ago DS burnt his hand on my straighteners which was obviously an accident and as if I didn't feel like a bad mum enough the nurse made this report.

The first referral she made got closed she then contacted them again to express how frustrated she was that the first referral was closed as she had a major concern about the care of my son and for the case to be reviewed. It got closed again.

I've only just read it now as it was delivered to my mums house and I feel so bloody angry I was driving 100 miles to take DS to his burns appointments. Not once did I show any behaviour to suggest I couldn't care for my son.

I understand it's her job to refer to social services but to contact them twice in a week after they already closed it makes me so angry.

Aibu to email her?

I wouldnt put anything in writing for her to use against her...
i also can see her point - its terrible to see parents not taking enough care to prevent unnecessary suffering..

You say it was obviously an accident but you don't go into detail of how it occurred. There are unforeseeable accidents and there are accidents that happen due to not taking due care. I imagine the nurse thought you to be careless with your child and reported you.

As well as a lot of professional training in safeguarding a nurse in that role will undoubtedly be influenced by her previous experiences. Perhaps she had cared for children or babies who had suffered from non accidental burns, tortured with hair straighteners. Perhaps she’d seen children fight for their lives from those injuries.

She did what she thought was right not to spite you.

OP, it’s in the past. Leave it there.

I wonder how many children that nurse has saved by not being afraid to do what she is trained to do.

It's not her job to try to confront parents she's worried about. It IS her job to report parents she's worried about. Yes I get that it must feel shit for you but at least she's doing her job! It's better to have innocent parents investigated then to have guilty parents NOT investigated.

Poor kid. I hope he is all fine now and no scars (says she as she looks at the scar on the back of her hand from when she put her hand into an open fire aged 3).

Let it go. It’s history now. Did her voicing concerns about bit being a brilliant mum make it so?

Every accident in the home that injures a child enough to warrant hospital treatment is referred to SS

Plus if you home ed (that is a red flag) and you have missed an inoculation (another red flag). Two red flags and you are referred to SS.

It is no wonder that SS are missing genuine problems.

Ds was referred to SS when he was 15.
(Home Ed and missed one inoculation)

They freaked him out so much he refused go to any health care professional until he is 18 at least.

They told him that HCPs had a duty of care to report some one who had 2 red flags and if they had another report of concern they would take it further. So in his mind if he goes to the drs etc for anything they will automatically report him so he just won't go.

That's rather an unusual response, to not go to the Dr's!

Why?

After what the SW said. They terrified him.

I would imagine you are angry with yourself for being careless which resulted in your baby being burnt. You are projecting that anger onto the nurse now even though she was just doing her job. Forgive yourself and you will forgive her.

We reported a neighbor bc her son was truly neglected (no details here. But he kept coming to our home and threatening our toddler. His mind was broken, his mother had abused drugs while pregnant). His mother practically slammed our door down.

We moved.

It's not easy reporting someone. We did it out of worry and fear.

While I understand being angry at busybodies and officious people, this will only hurt you if you go after the nurse.

Ss are there to help. You need to make your son realise they aren't bogeymen. He's avoiding the Dr's and missed Innoculations you sound like you could do with some help 💐

If you're going to email her,thank her for doing her job.

YABU.
Honestly in the nicest way, if you emailed her she would not have a clue who you are. As a children’s nurse she is probably doing referrals to SS several time’s a week if not daily. The system has worked in your case. Report concerns and let them decide. Would you want all those abused children to get abused as all the seemingly minor things people didn’t report so someone somewhere central could notice a pattern or folate things from friends/school/hospital etc

@FriarTuck I was coming in thinking the same thing, they wanted to email to say Thankyou.

*If you're going to email her,thank her for doing her job.

Dear Nurse,

Thank you for referring my family to ss, not just once - but twice I'm so glad that you remembered us and we made quite the impression on you! You will be forever in our thoughts x

OP, I think you still
Feel upset and a bit guilty about the incident and are looking for absolution from the nurse.
Leave it, it will Open up the whole thing again.

All the mums on here now have warning never to use electric items which get hot and dangerous near a child. It seems obvious but the fact is that when you have parents who have to work and take their children to school in a very short space of time things happen. Anyone who has been on the receiving end of similar things and are innocent will sympathise with you. People in positions of authority do have to report things but some of them seeking promotion are as likely to embroider facts. It is easy to forget you left something on and the child picks it up. We have all been there one time or another. It is like 'casting the first stone'. Not a single one of us can boast that they are perfect. The child can say what happened and people should accept that.

Now mumsnet mums know what can happen if they are rushed and careless and not turned dangerous things off. Look at the ads on TV about the liquid detergent pods: People have to be told repeatedly because accidents happen. Children are curious creatures. I think this mum should be thanked for drawing our attention to accidents in the home.

Think of the children who have slipped through the net because health care professionals did not refer and then you will know why she did what she did. She was protecting your child. She was doing her job properly. Your child was put in danger and got hurt and she reported she as worried about quality of care. SS investigated and closed case. She was probably just checking it had been investigated properly. Let it go.

He burnt his hand when we was in Sheffield we could of gone to a hospital closer to our home but I kept him there.

This might be the reason then: to ensure your DC didn't slip through the net by having a referral known to SS in Sheffield but not to your local SS.

Having him treated at the distant hospital when he could have been treated nearer to home, in conjunction with the type and manner of the injury, could be seen as trying to hide the injury from your local health professionals. It's not the nurse's place to investigate, only to pass on her concerns.

There is also a phenomenon whereby people make an unfounded accusation against a professional as a smoke screen or distraction from what their own actions. If you email in this manner, it will raise more concerns to be passed on again.

I had a very judgmental nurse at hospital once. DD had what seemed like entire fingernail hanging off when a baby and GP had referred us. Nurse kept quizzing me because she didn't believe I did't know how it had happened. She kept saying things like ' it must have hurt when she did that', is anyone else at home with you and she made me fully undress her (I assumed to check for other injuries). Finally when she looked at fingernail properly she said - oh she hasn't damaged the nail bed that's why it wouldn't have caused her to cry. I was upset by the whole thing but friend calmed me down by saying they have to have procedures. It was a shit experience and looking back I cannot believe a trained nurse would jump to thinking abuse because a child had damaged a fingernail.

But can understand how sometime HCPs get it wrong - they have to err on side of caution

I have been through a number of referrals to SS and misdiagnosing by paediatric consultant and some pretty horrendous treatment by school who refused to accept combined expertise of consultants and SS. At one point I did have reason to believe our child would be taken away.

And the truth is, you do suffer something akin to PTSD- obviously in varying degrees. For years I fantasized about meeting one of these people under circumstances where they would have to admit that they were wrong, that they had acted in an unjustifiable manner and that they had done harm.

And yes, I still believe that they did do that. But the fact is that a confrontation wouldn't have helped me, it would certainly not have helped my child, it would only have opened up the wounds- and eventually those wounds did heal.

Leave it as it is, OP, for your own sake. Let it heal.

I’d leave it although i absolutely agree being single and youger was probably a contributing factor. My daughter burned her arm on a hot horse shoe straight from the forge, it’s in a prominent but probably unusual position for an accidental burn. 3 weeks later she was under general anaesthetic getting stitched after an accident at the park (albeit not in my care when accident occurred) I’m still expecting a call from SS now although it’s not been forthcoming so far. I’m massively conscious of being a lone parent on benefits when marking decisions such as letting dc walk home alone, stay in the house when I go to the shops etc

Leave it
She was just doing her job

Think the nurse sounds like a b for no reason I would leave it simply to not stir it for you