To email burns nurse 2 years later?

[whatdoyouthinkk]

Two years ago DS burnt his hand on my straighteners which was obviously an accident and as if I didn't feel like a bad mum enough the nurse made this report.

The first referral she made got closed she then contacted them again to express how frustrated she was that the first referral was closed as she had a major concern about the care of my son and for the case to be reviewed. It got closed again.

I've only just read it now as it was delivered to my mums house and I feel so bloody angry I was driving 100 miles to take DS to his burns appointments. Not once did I show any behaviour to suggest I couldn't care for my son.

I understand it's her job to refer to social services but to contact them twice in a week after they already closed it makes me so angry.

Aibu to email her?

But it sounds like the outcome was the right one. You WERE vindicated - you just didn't get to sit in on those bits of the story.

Sounds as if this happened:

Nurse reports, as is absolutely correct. Nurse is actually a bit of a judgemental busybody, and is narked when she's told 'No further concerns' instead of happy and relieved. She sees you, young mum, coming in for dressings changes and decides to busybody away, and gets back in touch with SS. Now, as YOU know, there would have been no 'major concerns' - so likely conversation/report would have gone 'She's very young, doesn't seem to know what she's doing, blah blah.' SS - 'Is she bringing baby for dressings changes' - N -'Yes, driving 100 miles to do so' SS - 'So what are the actual concerns' N-'Well I just don't think she's a responsible parent.' SS- ' time to go away now.'

The end.

If she raised it again they would have listened to her and the facts are she was knocked back. The facts as YOU know them are also that there wasn't anything else she could have been properly concerned about so yes, simply judgemental. For all you know it wasn't the first time she'd done similar. But - YOU were vindicated (not that you knew it at the time) and she would have been told, firmly, no - leave it.

So all good.

My younger brother was injured in a domestic accident when he was 2. The hospital wanted to refer him to SS but my Mum knew the nurse and she could vouch that we were a nice family and well looked after.

Except we weren't. My Dad was an alcoholic and my mum bullied us physically and emotionally.

I wish that nurse had referred us. I was desperate to be taken into care.

OP to give you some context - the only time a nurse (and doctor) asked serious questions about an injury I had it meant I got a further walloping at home for "causing trouble"

Had the protocol at the time been for a quiet referral to be made then perhaps the reports of the the nurse who was suspicious, the doctor who was suspicious, the teacher who was suspicious, the teacher at the new school who was suspicious and the policeman who was suspicious would have been collated together and a social worker who could actually do something would have been able to intervene.

In reality what 'having a word' mean was that I got walloped and the 4 of us were taken for medical help less often (at least one of my brothers has a scar from a cut that should have been stitched).

MrsBobDylan and lyralalala so sorry to hear your stories.

@FizzyGreenWater she's not a 'judgemental busybody' she was doing her job!

Personally, I say thank fuck for ‘judgemental busybodies’ who, by properly following safeguarding protocols, can save at-risk kiddies lives.

I was referred to SS from a doc because my child had A BRUISE. Had the whole shebang xrays the lot. Ss up our ass anyhoo she was right to do so as I was a funny bruise that I wanted looked at I dont hate her for it. I just hate the system. But if it protects the wee ones.

You could always make a request to access the child's medical records and see what was written at the time.

The nurse did absolutely the right thing - your son sustained an injury due to carelessness on your part, and they have to make sure of the circumstances.

DS slipped in the bath when he was 1 and we were referred, which was totally understandable also. To hold a grudge about someone trying to do their job and their best for your child for 2 years is frankly a bit bizarre.

Isn’t it normal to be reported for ss over this? My son pulled my mums tea on him when he was one which resulted in a SS referral

I agree with Fizzy, I think it's not that she referred you but that she referred you again which is upsetting you. It would me.

However; so many children fall through cracks. I can see exactly why she did it. Write her a letter, let it all out & bin it.

Let it go. Its her job. You wouldn't tell a carer you suspect them of abuse either. That gives them a heads up to change their story, magically find a 'witness' to the accident, or, even do a runner & move out of the area (common tactic to avoid suspicion raised by repeated injuries).

A nursery my DD goes to repeatedly reports a mother to social services and every time they close the case without looking at it. She turns up drunk, stinks of cannabis, let's various boyfriends pick the child up. Hits him and swears at him in the playground and drop off and collection and that's only what we see.

Should they give up reporting? No way because one day SS may listen.

@whatdoyouthinkk are you actually serious here? What planet do you live on?

She had "major concerns" because your 2 year old had been allowed to burn himself on straighteners. She absolutely did the right thing in reporting you. She wasn't satisfied with the outcome so again... She did the right thing by re reporting it. Let's face it it wouldn't be the first time social services would have le someone slip though the gaps so if she wasn't satisfied I'm impressed by her tenacity in reporting it again to be honest.

YABVVVVVVVU.

@whatdoyouthinkk oh and your noon that she should have approached you is ludicrous. It is not a nurses job to challenge people they suspect of abuse!!!

Every accident in the home that injures a child enough to warrant hospital treatment is referred to SS

My h/v told me at my son's 2 year check last week that in our area a burn, broken bone or head injury is an automatic referral.

Unlike anyone on this thread she personally assessed the child's injuries and observed the interactions between OP and her DC at appointments. Calling her ridiculous for being thorough is ridiculous.

Actually maybe that and my repeated blaming myself and being distraught is why they didn't refer.

I hope you are wrong Icannot. Surely the tipping point for a referral or no referral isn't some dramatic demonstration of guilt ridden remorse that a) is easily performed and 2) meets some very restrictive idea of how a good women should be emoting in a crisis situation like this.

Burns aren’t an automatic referral to social services as far as I am aware.

My son once put his hand in a bucket of scalding bleach water that my DH was about to use to mop the floor with. The nurses on duty did contact our HV to inform her of the incident and ask if she had any concerns. She said no and that was that. Other than the HV coming to see us about a week later we heard no more of it. He’s turned out to be most accident prone child in the world, cutting his head open twice, and almost drowning in a swimming lesson and other than the doctors performing a full body check for bruises we’ve heard nothing and been referred nowhere.

I am grateful that the head accidents were all at school though!

A shame the report wasn't sent to you earlier. Better to be a bit overzealous than miss something. It's not her job to assess, she passed it on to those that do. Outcome fine. Glad all ok.

I don't know teyem. They should have referred us. He was so very young and the injury was totally preventable and fairly nasty. I cannot work out why not even my HV was informed. I hope I am totally wrong because you are right, it would be a terrible reason not to refer. The only thing I can think of is that their observations of me and ds (and the elder dc who had to come to the hospital with us on the first day) somehow made them think it was a genuine accident and I wasn't routinely neglectful or actively abusive. But they should still have referred. Anyone can put on an act.

You know, I work in a neonatal unit and I make referrals every now and then and it is SO frustrating when you know the social worker or safeguarding nurse making this decision hasn't spent one second with the parents, hasn't watched them being inappropriate or smelling of weed. So I often call again to debate why I think there are concerns, it never crosses my mind that my notes or report might offend a parent at some point, my only priority is checking that the child is safe. And if someone emailed me 2 years later I'd probably think they were hiding something.

I suppose that when personal opinion is the gateway for referrals then there is the possibility of all sorts of prejudices in play Icannot. I wonder if there are any studies on it?

Why have you suddenly received this report at all? And how do you have her email address??

We were not automatically referred after ds was seriously scalded last year. As far as I can remember (the whole thing was a horrific blur) the paramedic, A+E nurse and burns unit consultant all followed a flow chart protocol that was on an iPad, which seemed to inform next steps.

Every accident in the home that injures a child enough to warrant hospital treatment is referred to SS.

I think what the article refers to is a database which can log patterns of events and concerns, but this does not equate to an instant referral to SS