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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To email burns nurse 2 years later?

238 replies

whatdoyouthinkk · 05/06/2019 15:58

Two years ago DS burnt his hand on my straighteners which was obviously an accident and as if I didn't feel like a bad mum enough the nurse made this report.

The first referral she made got closed she then contacted them again to express how frustrated she was that the first referral was closed as she had a major concern about the care of my son and for the case to be reviewed. It got closed again.

I've only just read it now as it was delivered to my mums house and I feel so bloody angry I was driving 100 miles to take DS to his burns appointments. Not once did I show any behaviour to suggest I couldn't care for my son.

I understand it's her job to refer to social services but to contact them twice in a week after they already closed it makes me so angry.

Aibu to email her?

OP posts:
DuMondeB · 05/06/2019 16:50

YABVVU.

She was doing her job.

A 9 month old with a burn means someone put that child at risk. The authorities need to figure out if that risk was accidental (and if so, does the child’s care giver need additional support to prevent future accidents) or something more sinister.

If you email her and complain TWO YEARS later, she would be justified in reporting you again. That’s not a normal thing to do.

Hope your baby recovered well, having an ill/injured child can be very scary for all.

LaMarschallin · 05/06/2019 16:52

I do see your point, OP.
My elder daughter has a birth mark on her bottom - it's faded now to a little pale patch. When she was born it was purple.
I had her in hospital and - because she was OP (not you Smile - occipitoposterior) - it was a long slow labour and I was exhausted.
She was by me in the night and kept crying. I tried everything to comfort her.
(As it turned out, she was just a very fretful baby and yelled her head off until I had her sister 18 months later and she adored her so much she used to go into sister's room and play with her when she woke up. They're both now in their 20s and fine.)
I fed her, cuddled her, checked her nappy...
Eventually put her back in her cot and fell asleep myself at about 6am.
7:30am DD started to yell again and a nurse bustled up (where were they all through the night?) and shouted at me that my baby was hungry and needed her nappy changing. Then, without giving me a chance to change the nappy, started doing so and saw the birthmark. "A BRUISE!!".
It took until my daughter's 18 month check to have the "BRUISE" taken off her record when I pointed out my accuracy must be amazing to keep hitting her on exactly the same spot.
Yes, health care professionals (I am one) should flag up concerns but I totally see how you wouldn't want that recorded for ever.
(Elder DD also burnt herself on straighteners and broke her arm while her father was away. Long stories both but sometimes things just happen)

formerbabe · 05/06/2019 16:54

Every accident in the home that injures a child enough to warrant hospital treatment is referred to SS

I struggle to believe this.

DuMondeB · 05/06/2019 16:57

I struggle to believe this.

www.theguardian.com/society/2012/dec/27/every-child-accident-emergency-dabatase

NCforthis2019 · 05/06/2019 16:57

Her concerns were that you were neglectful and possibly irresponsible - your child got burnt by hair straighteners - was she doing her job as she was concerned yes. How can you be angry about that?

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 05/06/2019 16:57

You could make an appointment with PALS and ask if you can discuss your concerns regarding her interpretation. She sounds overly judgmental

Why on earth would it be appropriate to complain to PALS about this? This is not what they are there for. This person was doing her job, she had concerns so she was obliged to report them. If she still had concerns following CS closing the case then as the referrer she was perfectly entitled to question that decision. That's normal practice. It's incredibly important that HCP's and other professionals who work with children and families feel empowered to challenge Children's Services if they feel that a case has been closed prematurely or that something has been missed.

There is no basis whatsoever for saying she is "overly judgemental", unlike anyone on this thread she personally assessed the child's injuries and observed the interactions between OP and her DC at appointments. She may have had valid reasons for making a referral and as a specialist burns nurse she will have had considerable experience in this area.

bridgetreilly · 05/06/2019 16:59

It's nothing to do with you having been a lone parent. It's because he was burned.

Honestly, if you email her now, do you really think she would even remember a case like this from 2 years ago with no follow up? There is literally nothing to be gained from it. Clearly there was no cause for concern, which is why SS never pursued the matter. But really, you're angry because someone was concerned to protect your child? I think you need to get over it.

Greyhound22 · 05/06/2019 17:00

My son burnt himself on my straighteners when he was about 2.5.

I had a follow up call from the HV - I burst into tears when she called and she was lovely - she said it was routine for it to be reported and that she was just checking everything was ok - and that she had to give me a telling off and remind me to put them where he couldn't get them and to call her if I needed anything 🤷‍♀️ that was it.

Maybe it was the attitude of the nurse or maybe she had concerns about the burns 🤷‍♀️ but I wouldn't go opening it up after 2 years.

I would rather they questioned me and made me a bit uncomfortable for a bit than ever let a child come to harm.

SimplySteveRedux · 05/06/2019 17:00

Not once did I show any behaviour to suggest I couldn't care for my son.

To her. Abuse generally happens within the four walls of home, that nobody gets to see. Please understand that she has a responsibility to report things when concerned for the well-being of a child.

I

SimplySteveRedux · 05/06/2019 17:02

Why she didn't mention them to me when I took DS to have his dressings changed all them times, if she was so concerned to refer to social services twice.

What was she supposed to say? "Oh hi there, are you purposefully burning your child, and abusing them in other ways?" Hmm

Original poster
whatdoyouthinkk · 05/06/2019 17:07

Sheffield’s children hospital reporting she was not happy with the outcome of the last referral. It was advised that she has major concerns about the care of L. L wants the situation to be reviewed as she disagrees with the decision that was made.

OP posts:
FriarTuck · 05/06/2019 17:10

And I came on here thinking it was a 'AIBU to email burns nurse 2 years later to say thank you for all her help because it's just occurred to me that I didn't thank her at the time and she did such a good job'..... Sad

yellowgreenbluepurple · 05/06/2019 17:10

Surely it's better to be over cautious and make sure these things are followed up on? She was doing her job and you need to move on from it now, she did nothing wrong. People being persistent and making sure things are followed up stops this happening!

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/toddlers-killed-domestic-abuse-nscb-dylan-tiffin-brown-death-a8945056.html%3famp

PCohle · 05/06/2019 17:12

I think you need to let this one go.

She had concerns, and they were investigated and went no further. That sounds like the system working well. Health care professionals being deterred from sharing safeguarding concerns because of complaints puts vulnerable children at risk.

ittakes2 · 05/06/2019 17:12

I actually think you will draw more attention to yourself - you have hung onto this anger for two years? I think that is unusual - as most people have said she was just doing her job - it is nothing personal about you.

MsMD · 05/06/2019 17:14

Everyone saying to complain, contact her, or that she is 'overly judgemental' is showing how completely ignorant they are. And that's as nice as I can put it. You people are laughable.

She did EVERYTHING right. A child presented with a serious, avoidable injury. She reported her concerns to the relevant team, and followed up.

AND she did this while being completely professional and without acting judgemental to you at his appointments. You had no idea. Which is exactly how it should be.

She should be commended for doing her job not berated because you have your feelings hurt.

Original poster
whatdoyouthinkk · 05/06/2019 17:15

I'm not going to email her now anyway OH has convinced me not too. I have read lots of horror stories about SS removing children after false accusations I would of hated to of been one those people.

@ittakes2 have only just been sent the report in the past week.

OP posts:
Schuyler · 05/06/2019 17:16

YABU but I understand you feel upset. She was doing her job. It was 2 years ago and nothing came of the referrals.

Original poster
whatdoyouthinkk · 05/06/2019 17:17

She was very judgemental though that was the thing. Didn't speak much only to ask if SS contacted me yet.

OP posts:
NCforthis2019 · 05/06/2019 17:17

Well a burn is a major concern you know...... a friend of mine had her son pull her hot mug of tea into him - ss were called as well - all part of the process. Stop trying to blame nurses for doing their jobs. What do you want from the nurse? To apologise and tell you youre a good parent? To her - you weren’t, you left your straighteners on and your child got burnt. Yes, it was an accident but it was still a concern. Straightener today, iron tomorrow etc.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 05/06/2019 17:20

She was absolutely doing the right thing reporting her concerns....it's a professional responsibility....

It's not up to nurses, doctors,teachers etc to investigate that's for the statutory agencies eg child protection/police etc ....once it's been referred.

The guidance usually is not to ever question /tell parents of your suspicions as it can lead to evidence being hidden/kids being moved out the area...coming up with convincing lies covering up their child abuse any one of a hundred other consequences.

I can see its upsetting when you haven't done anything. ..they are just doing their job.

So much genuine hideous abuse...never comes to light until kids are dead/seriously injured. ..

When they have investigations there are always incidents sub as these where agencies could have been involved much earlier and kids saved

QueenArnica · 05/06/2019 17:29

What @MsMd said YUBVVVVVU

londonrach · 05/06/2019 17:29

Op..she has a duty of care to report this. It was investigated and closed. Its two years..let it go. Yabu.

Schmoozer · 05/06/2019 17:30

YABU
Sounds to me like she was following the protocol nurses are given when there are safeguarding concerns
Discussing with the parents may increase the risk to the child
Children under age 1 with injuries give greater concern because they are very vulnerable / not very mobile
Your email / complaint may be just what this nurse needs .....
To give her the push out of an underpaid highly stressful profession
😢

TheNanny23 · 05/06/2019 17:32

Straighteners are a common weapon of choice for abusers. I have seen cases where the adults stated the child had trod on the straighteners or pulled them down- but the burn was consistent with the straighteners being closed onto the hand/foot or with a prolonged period of contact. We had a kid where a burn was flagged and then when the child was fully examined they had been found to be extensively physically and during the ensuing investigation his sister was found to have been sexually abused.
9 months old is very very young to sustain an injury like that and the burn was so bad that it required the ongoing care of a burns nurse.
I believe you on the thread when you say it was an accident- they happen- but on paper I would have concerns too and she was 100% justified and correct in her actions. I would not be the one to let a child slip through the cracks.

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