DS deliberately missed bus expecting a lift, I refused and so he bunked off

[CaptainMarvellous]

DS is 12. I woke him at 7am expecting him to get up and out the door, I warned him then I was leaving too late to give him a lift. He's supposed to set an alarm but claimed today it didn't go off. The bus goes at 7.20, he has previously got up and caught the bus in 20mins. Today he decided he couldn't. He also told me he wasn't going to walk (60 min walk).
I reminded him that I was leaving too late to drop him, he lied to me and said lessons start 15mins later than they do. He denied knowing what time school starts for the rest of the argument. The crux of it is I refused to give him a lift, locked him out of the house and went out. I was hoping that with no where to go he'd walk to school. I've emailed school to let them know he's effectively bunking. When I returned he's climbed in through a downstairs window (highlighting our crap security).
So who was BU?
I should add I also have 1yo and 7yo DC so DS isn't my focus in the morning. And we will be ferrying him around for his sport 3 evenings this week (think 90min round trips at 8.3pm) for which he shows no gratitude. We can't ditch it as we've agreed to take a friend

Netmums is that way hun

Can't. Got banned because of my posting style.

I smell desperation duchess

Time you had a bath then Tatiana 😂

It’s definitely you not me.

Ooo good one, you got me there!

however her intent was good.

Have you read OP's posts? She admits herself that it wasn't, that she's been seeing her son as an enemy, not been focussing on her nearly enough and is taking steps to change this

Yes I have her attitude towards her son is different from the consequences she carried out that day.

The 2 are not conclusive of each other, OP clearly need to work on her communication skills with her child, however that does not necessarily mean her actions were wrong.

In this, in my opinion she was correct in doing what she did.

Yolo Yes, that is correct. That is what I said. And you said:

"macca thinks that any 12 year old who gets help from a parent has an 'overbearing mother'."

See the difference?

I have twins age 12. One of them gets themselves up, I have to wake up the other.
Everyone is different. No right or wrongs. Do what works for your family.

I can’t believe so many people are horrified by a 60 minute walk. We did it to high school/sixth form; having already done an early start paper round

I haven't read the whole thread but I think from the OP you have handled this very different to how I would of. I wouldn't of locked him out or refused him a lift. But I would of talked / punished him for the attitude and made sure it didn't happen again. Remove WiFi / clubs / do more chores etc.

I too am more bemused at the disbelief at a school bus at 7.20 or an hour's walk. At my old house that was pretty much the deal for our catchment school, school starts 8.20 (I think). The nearest school is not the catchment school.

Though if I was a child at that school I think I would bunk off rather than be late.

Find out why he doesn't care. Why he appears ungrateful. Most kids want to give to school to see their friends. You need to talk to him. Waking him up at 7am is ludicrous. He is a little boy. It is your responsibility to take care of him. If I were him I wouldn't think you are approachable. Never mind you have 2 other small kids that's your problem, not his. I would be a mother to him firstly. I think you are out of order. Your children are what we make of them.

Bullying at school??

there really are some weird, unkind people around

I know which posters on this thread have been calling others “shit parents.” And which posters haven’t.

Calling someone a shit parent is unkind.

It was no more unkind than the barrage of critical, sneering comments directed at those who do more for their children. It was just slightly more direct. Punches certainly weren't being pulled when people were being told they're weird for doing things with and for their adult children. Those comments and the spite behind them were much worse and more plentiful imo so I do think it evened out the balance of critical comments somewhat. Those of you who are so sure you're in the right never do like having it flipped back at you.

Those of you us who are so sure you're we’re in the right never do like having it flipped back at you us.

Yes. That is true.

I genuinely wish you well, CarolDanvers. Good evening.

That would work only if I hadn't started retaliating so late in the discussion but nice try .

Same to you.

hear hear caroldanvers. The thing with parenting teenagers is that it's not easy. So why make things harder than they have to be? Why not just try and not sweat the small stuff and save the energy for the big battles (you know, like not taking drugs/getting so pissed you end up in a fight or in hospital/getting pregnant/in an abusive relationship etc)?

So someone oversleeps - I'm sure pretty much everyone has done it.

I don’t understand why people seem to expect a 12 year old to basically have all their shit together, get up, ready and leave on time. I’m 25 a mother to two and I still have to drag myself out of bed, snooze the alarm too many times and more often than not, my partner comes and wakes me if I haven’t gotten up.

Still think any hard arse who thinks it is ok to treat their child like this needs a reality check. Most children who are treated like this grow up with low self esteem. You are not teaching them values just growing an emotionally stunted adult.

Still think any hard arse who thinks it is ok to treat their child like this needs a reality check.

My mum definitely would have done this. I love and adore my mum, she is my best friend. No self esteem issues here, ta very much.

I work with uni students and I wish to god that most of their parents had been a bit more this way inclined.

I’m 25 a mother to two and I still have to drag myself out of bed, snooze the alarm too many times and more often than not, my partner comes and wakes me if I haven’t gotten up.

Well sorry but unless you have health issues that is pretty pathetic.

He's just a child and you locked him out of the house, with an hours walk to school? YABU. 7.20am is early to be setting off for school. Mine is just getting up then. Do you have to live so far from the school? I assume it's your choice to live so far away, so in that case you need to cut your child some slack. Firstly you need to help them to get up earlier, 20 minutes to get himself ready is not enough. Does he even have time to eat breakfast? He needs to be getting up at 6.30, you need to make sure he gets up, help him sort his breakfast, etc. You sound like the kind of mother I had, and believe me I don't have good memories.

Wheresmywandharry I do have health issues, most are mental health related though. My point is, I am an adult and struggle big time, I wouldn’t expect a child or a teen to sort themselves out with no input on a daily basis.