Be honest - would you judge the girl under 20 who has 2 children?

[namechange6678]

Honestly, what would your thoughts be at this?? Especially if the person looks under 20.

Just wanted to add, that when it comes to a woman's OWN body she do what the fuck she likes

Indeed she can. And when she has "I Love Katie Hopkins" tattooed on her arm, I will judge her for it. That has nothing to do with being a feminist or not being one.

myDHhasahobbyanditsnotcycling

No you're actually talking total crap. But crack on dear. I'll go and get my slippers and my knitting and not bother you young folk.

I think it is a little young and I would think that their own life may be more difficult and they may have less opportunities because of it.
I wouldn't judge them or think they would be a bad parent because of it.

Pity more than judge. And pity her children too. Sadly all too common, what chance do any of them have of a nice life 💔

To be honest, that would be my thought. My parents, all of my aunts and many of my cousins were teenage parents (and a number of their children have followed suit) and I find it profoundly depressing. It suggests a lack of education and ambition. I don't mean to offend, but that's my experience.

It's pretty ageist to say you can't do the thing's you would have done in your 20s at 40 and above.

What about going on an 18-30 holiday? Or buying a young person's railcard?

What's the point in this thread? You ask people to be honest, people are honest, and then you have a go at them for their opinion not being the same as yours.

If you just want people to say how great having two kids at twenty is, then ask for people to tell about how well it worked out for them.

What about going on an 18-30 holiday? Or buying a young person's railcard

I wouldn't have wanted to go on an 18-30 holiday even when I was that age! My idea of hell! I don't think the rail card is something I'll cry over either!

omafiet

They probably have more opportunities than your dc, why would you think they wouldn't. What does it matter how young the parents are, they could have lots of support to enable their dc to really go places.

If your 20 year old is not yet capable of being an adult, that may be a reflection on your parenting.....

Lifecraft, taking someone else's life isn't anything to do with feminism. Stop conflating issues, you make zero sense.

If a woman wanted a Katie Hopkins tattoo, that's HER prerogative, she's isn't harming anyone else (unlike a murderer). So what if you judge her? Who gives a flying shit?

To be honest, I'm surprised some of you judgemental fuckers on here haven't got a shrine to Katie Hopkins herself, with the amount of bile you're coming out with.

@woohootoyou

made the most of the opportunities we were given

This is where you said it, and you were spot on with it too .

Its a different world nowadays; the opportunities available you as a non-graduate with children in tow were vastly different from those that would be available to OP, living as she does in the incredibly competitive world of today.

It's just not kind, or fair to suggest that OP (and others in her shoes) will be able to have the same career path that you enjoyed in a bygone era, surely you can see that?

Probably, but I wouldn't like myself because if it.

Gosh, what a lot of utterly nasty judgemental twats on here.
If we’re going to judge other mothers, how about we see their parenting first, rather than assume?

If we’re going to pity children for their circumstances then, again, how about we see their circumstances first?

And as for assuming that if a younger woman has children then there is nothing else she can, or wants to, do... what bollocks: plenty of mothers progress in their careers and continue in education. Life doesn’t stop.

Being older is no guarantee of anything.

And, no, I wasn’t a younger mother myself, but my mum was. I don’t remember wanting for anything.

Especially if the person looks under 20.
Why the hell would I? It has no impact on my life, I dont know her story and like you said looks under20 doesn't mean she is.

I have known loads of people with two or three kids when they've been under 20, it doesn't give me any reason to judge their choices, in (I'm assuming you mean ) negative way.

They probably have more opportunities than your dc, why would you think they wouldn't. What does it matter how young the parents are, they could have lots of support to enable their dc to really go places.

They don't. They have the example of mothers who raise children alone (boyfriends typically scarper, certainly in the case of my cousins), surviving on benefits, living on the kind of estate that you dont want your kids playing out, with barely a GCSE between them. If they're lucky they'll get a minimum wage job - but they might not be that lucky.

My children re being raised in a wealthy, safe secure neighborhood by educated, financially secure parents.

The only thing my children have to do to be successful is to emulate the people around them. My cousins' children have to go above and beyond what they see, experience and what is expected of them. It's a massive barrier for them to leap.

Theres worse things in the world than having kids under 20.

You could grow up to be, oh I dunno, Katie Hopkins or Myra Hindley. Ain't that right, Lifecraft??

When I was 16/18 yes I would, but now I am 34 and I look and envy them.

For someone to have not only one child but two at the age of 20, I would say that they are brave! Because that cannot be an easy feat.

Even at the age of what I am now - I look at anybody with children and envy them even more, wishing that I started earlier, as I am still TTC.

Fortunately, I have been with my partner for 6 years and he has a fabulous 11 year old, so whilst I still do not yet have my own DC, I still have one that I can spoil, until of course he gets to that age, where he starts acting 21, which is coming close!

omafiet

What you, and several other's don't seem to understand, is that yes "some" young mum's live that way. It doesn't mean they all do. My kids both have degree's. I wouldn't call that "barely a GCSE" between them! We have never lived on an estate. We had a spell on benefits yes, but for the majority of their childhood I was working.

In this case, it is a bit childish to be upset when you read the question of the OP, yes.

You can apply that to anything on here then and say to people “If you don’t like it don’t read the thread as people are only answering a question”. Say that on every thread where someone gets offended, I dare you.
Surely it’s actually childish to not expect a debate/response when emotive subjects come up such as this? People will have a counter response to people’s opinions that they feel are unfair. I’m guessing you’re too immature to accept that.

Its a different world nowadays; the opportunities available you as a non-graduate with children in tow were vastly different from those that would be available to OP, living as she does in the incredibly competitive world of today

I agree. Assuming the OP is in the UK then the reality is that right now in 2019 there are millions of people only just getting by and lots of those are people who in the same jobs and locations would have been doing pretty damn well in life 20/30 years ago.

A week doesn't go by on MN where there isn't a thread about the effects of austerity - cuts to benefits, cuts to services, the NHS on its knees and so on. Has anyone here not seen the I have £12 to feed three of us til Wednesday week type threads over the years? And this is all before Brexit.

Why on earth are so many posters insisting that in 2019 in the UK it's no biggie to start out in your adult life with two dependent children? Are people really so naive that they just assume everything will work out, that there's no need at all for individuals to consider the potential/likely result of decisions such as "when will I start a family"? It's hard enough right now for families with two incomes and a few years into their earning potential to manage housing and childcare costs, how realistic is it these days that a 20 year old with 2 dc will be perfectly fine?

What you, and several other's don't seem to understand, is that yes "some" young mum's live that way. It doesn't mean they all do.

Yes, I understand that perfectly. But the fact that there is an exception to that assumption doesn't make the general truth any less prevalent.

It's also true that jobs and opportunities who were offered without a degree even 10-15 years ago no longer are. Companies have increased the requirements for candidates, and it's a simple fact that things are not as easy as they were, and experience and personality no longer enough to go up.

id pity her and feel that she had been groomed or had lack of life chances.

I wouldnt think she was a bad person or anything like that or a bad parent

It's just as unkind to grind people down by telling them to know their place at the bottom of the heap. Of course being in the right place at the right time can help but what on earth is wrong with having aspirations. I really dislike this about Mumsnet. We should be teaching our kids that they can try to fly if they want to.

We should be teaching our kids that they can try to fly if they want to.

Well there you go. I seem to spend a disproportionate amount of time telling my youngest that he can not fly so step away from the edge