Be honest - would you judge the girl under 20 who has 2 children?

[namechange6678]

Honestly, what would your thoughts be at this?? Especially if the person looks under 20.

Being a murderer is very different to having children young. One is against the law, the other isn’t.

some people really don't understand the point, do they!

Yes funinthesun19 being a murderer is a bad thing, thank you for clarifying that

Nope, we've been told quite firmly that feminists are not allowed to judge the choices other women make. You read it on here first!

Just wanted to add, that when it comes to a woman's OWN body she do what the fuck she likes.

@myDH, the point, as it were, is lost because it's such a crap argument. Its jot even logical. But sure, you crack on

Not*

@CatOnASwing - bollocks. I worked hard, and had absolutely nothing when I started out. No, I don't have a final salary pension as I was self employed. Our house is our pension and will be sold to fund our retirement (which was always our long term plan). I can't stand this sneering about anyone who was born in the 1950's or 60's - we weren't born with a silver spoon in our mouths, and yes housing was cheaper but salaries were a damn site lower too.

Just read the other snide comments on here. Amazing the assumption that you have to be middle class to do well! I'm afraid it's not always the case - some of us slum dwellers do very well for ourselves. I've known kids with money and not much love and kids with not much money but plenty of love to go round. I know which ended up as the most well rounded adults.

I had two kids by 21 and am now nearly 50. It's pretty ageist to say you can't do the thing's you would have done in your 20s at 40 and above. I know lots of people who still like to go out and party at that age. My god, it's 40 not 80!!! And yes I was still able to have nights out in my 20's, ever heard of babysitters??? At 45 I went and spent 6 months in Japan. I have a good career, have traveled all over and will continue to do so. I am having my "young and carefree" time now! Your 20's is only 10 years. I've had that back now. With plenty of life left in me yet! Yes my kids still needed some emotional support but they finance themselves, they look after themselves. They are my two best friends! It would be my idea of hell to have a school aged child at my age. We have all grown together. They watched me slog my guts out to get my degree and they both say it inspired them to work hard to get what they want in life. I wouldn't change a thing.

Spot on Woohoo. So many outdated views on here.

I wouldn't even think to think anything about it

It's pretty ageist to say you can't do the thing's you would have done in your 20s at 40 and above.

it really isn't! And even if you could, it doesn't mean you should
Nothing worst than middle-age people trying to act young, it's cringey.

Kids don't need another best friend, they need parent. And I don't agree you can be as carefree when the kids are older than you are without kids. It's simply not true!
It's actually quite pathetic if you try to live a single free life when you have young kids at home. That's exactly what people are saying about being too young and immature!

Life doesn't stop when you have kids, far from it, and it gets better but it IS different and it should be. You are a parent first of all.

You never have the same life once you have your kids, it's just not possibly, they come first after all, don't they.

In a word, no.

I know young people who own property before they finish uni. I know exceptional young parents. I know people in their middle ages who couldn't get their shit together if they were given a bucket and a spade.

Especially now, maturity happens at vastly different ages (or never at all).

So much for feminism, when women are being judged by other women for the choices they make.

The issue is (in general terms, not the OP in particular) whether this was actually a choice.
Sometimes, people (men or women!) are doing things just because that’s what they think they ought to do. Or because of family/friends pressure. Or because they feel they have no other choice etc....

When I see some teenagers who say that they will just have a child and dint need to bother working at school because they will just stay at home. It’s is often not a choice. But the results of lack of choice aka not feeling they are bright enough to go to school/get some training or that they will never be able to find a job anyway. They feel that’s just what you do etc...
And of course, you always have the ‘oops, I thought we were protected’ which isn’t a choice at all.

Honestly - no. I'm not sure their age would even register. (unless they looked like a young teenager, and then I'd harbour some concern for their own wellbeing, maybe). Who does get judgy about a 20yr old mother?

@woohootoyou

You freely admitted that you were 'given' opportunities.

Today, those opportunities don't exist.

No matter how hard an individual works, if there is no opportunity, there can be no possibility of advancement.

This is going a bit like the thread a few days ago where posters simply couldn't accept factual information about the average UK salary simply because they earned less or more .

All these posters coming on to insist that teenage pregnancy worked out absolutely fine for them and so those of us who think it might not be the best idea are wrong, wrong, wrong! It's great that you personally were fine (although fine can be anything from "we didn't end up homeless" to "I now earn 6 figures") but there is loads of research on the matter that clearly indicates the negative economic and social impacts for young mums and their children. Teen mums and their dc are more likely to be disadvantaged and the experience of a handful of MNers doesn't contradict that!

Actually when both kids are nearly 30 then yes they are more friends than "children". They can come to me with problems but what "parenting"should I be doing? Limiting their screen time? Sending them to bed at 8?

And the people I know who like to go out and have a dance or whatever are not trying to act young. They are the age they are but they can still enjoy themselves. Or are over 40s not allowed to do that.

You sound very immature yourself tbh if that's your views.

@myDH if that's a direct response to Asta's post, I'd reckon she'll be finding it pretty difficult to parent a 28 year old. I'm assuming that's how old her eldest would be considering she herself is nearly 50.

I live in an area where it is very much the norm to settle down young and start a family, young men in skilled trades etc, then the women are back into employment by mid twenties, often with childcare gaps picked up by wider family as their own grandparents are probably in their sixties and just retired. Yes, there are problem families but age doesn't have anything to do with it.

After working as a youth group leader for forty years, some of the most damaged children I knew came from families with money where they were simply fobbed off with money or products rather than given attention or love. You don't have to have a car, you don't have to have foreign holidays, it is perfectly acceptable to rent your house.

*It's pretty ageist to say you can't do the thing's you would have done in your 20s at 40 and aboveg

Haha. No it’s not. It’s just the acceptance that in 20 years you will have changed (and hopefully gained in maturity). It’s also the acceptance that you might well not be as fit (talking from experience here) Or that you won’t be as ‘careless’ and therefore ready to try more adventurous things.
Eg I know plenty of adults who put the breaks on to more dangerous activities once they have children.

Cross-post with you Asta. Ignore myDH, she sounds very immature and judgemental.

I would, yeah.

Asta19
your views are very sad but prove my point about immaturity.

I am being totally judgemental, which is the point of the thread!

@CatOnASwing

You freely admitted that you were 'given' opportunities.

Where? I worked hard, took opportunities (ie gave up a job that I was good at because I was headhunted to be a freelancer). that's not being handed stuff on a plate - I was good at my job, and took the risk of leaving a local government pension to try to better my income. You have to be capable enough AND take opportunities. I wasn't given them at all, you're twisting my words.

Not at all, in fact it's quite normal in some cultures. Not that it has to be your culture, just that it's normal

Thanks Koolbeans.
Some very judgy people on here who seem to think life ends at 40!