Be honest - would you judge the girl under 20 who has 2 children?

[namechange6678]

Honestly, what would your thoughts be at this?? Especially if the person looks under 20.

@Portia, apparently the bloke involved is just some 'poor guy' who didn't have a say in the matter

and I think now a hissing cat in the street. Both of which I'm not going to report as I believe in letting these things stand, they say more about you than me.

I most certainly didn't call YOU a hissing cat, I used the comparison from another poster saying that people's attacks and insults on this forum are like a hissing stray cat on the street: they do not matter.

You haven't attacked anyone, you've merely expressed an opinion. Which is what this forum is for.

My sister had 2 by 21 (and more to come 🤣). She said she wouldn’t change them (of course) but would she do it again? No. The first was carelessness. Her word - it wasn’t a contraceptive failure, it was a 17yo not taking it seriously. The second was planned - but only because she had had one already and wanted a sibling and close together.

Honestly, I probably wouldn’t even think about it, but if someone prompted me to think - I’d think: that’s a shame the parents didn’t have things they wanted to do first.

MyDH- you've pretty said that anyone who dares to have a social drink when they have kids is not a good parent. That's probably everyone who uses this site then except you

yep poor blokes getting women pregnant and legging it !!

Now where's my violin?

Yes, Koolbeans
but I have recognised my mistakes earlier, haven't I.
No one in the real world ever could have a drink (or 2 or 3) without getting drunk and hungover the following day, another mistake of mine.

Yes you may not be able do do stuff first but you can do it after!

I had my two children by 22 so no I wouldn't judge. I think you can get fantastic young parents and older parents who struggle with being a parent and age really shouldn't be a factor in determining whether someone is a capable parent.
I work full time and have never relied on benefits ect so have managed to give my children the same opportunities, experiences and support an older parent would have been able to and a lot more than some children will ever get the opportunity to do.
They are happy and reasonably well adjusted children .

MyDH, you have genuinely lost me. What mistakes are you on about?

Wanna know a secret DH? whispers it's okay to get drunk once in a while. No one will call nspcc, don't worry.

I would actually say the people I have most sympathy for (sympathy not judgement) is those who have several children between the age of 20 and 40. Who then end up spending nearly 40 years child rearing! They don’t get the freedom at either end! But even then I see it as their choice and if that’s what makes them happy, good luck to them. 6 figure salaries are not the be all and end all. The wealthiest person I know also happens to be one of the most unhappy.

I have a wide range of friends and the youngest mum I know was 14 when she had her child and the oldest 41 (both in their 50s now) Funnily enough the 14 year old married her hubby when they were both 16, still together, very happy. Own home etc. They have a nice life. The oldest mum actually split with her partner when the baby was a toddler. They were trying for a 2nd and when it didn’t happen, the strain pushed them apart. She’s now in rented accommodation working all hours to support her child,

You can’t just look at age, you have to look at the whole picture,

You have to love the fact that on a thread about teens having children some posters are going on and on about getting drunk!

Who's making judgement or implying things here?

I would actually say the people I have most sympathy for (sympathy not judgement) is those who have several children between the age of 20 and 40. Who then end up spending nearly 40 years child rearing!

That's exactly why I had my first at 20 and my second and final baby now at 25. When i turn 40, I will be at a point in my career where I'll actually be free to enjoy my hard earned money.

I think we both know the conversation took a turn from it's original position a few pages back, DH. Do keep up dear. And lay off the vino, fgs.

I would feel abit sad for them as think being young and free and unencumbered only having yourself to think about is a very precious thing. But that’s just my subjective view. I wouldn’t “judge” as if it’s a bad thing unless they were being crap parents. I would feel sad if my dds had kids so young

Anyway you're boring the life out of me now. Bye MyDH. Be sure to polish your halo before you go to bed.

In this day and age - I wouldn’t bat an eyelid.

I was standing at the school doors one day and I started chatting yo a lady who was probably in her late 60s. I asked what class she was here to collect and she said her only grandchild was in juniors. She asked was mine in juniors. I said my eldest was 11, youngest 3. She said very haughty 'well you started young and looked straight ahead, with a disapproving look that beyond shocked me. I was 27 having my first but I do look young ( didn't think young enough to warrant that!) But it made me sad thinking what younger mothers have to deal with.

Absolutely. Unless you can pay for them.

Who’s to judge? I am. I go every day and work from 9 to 5 . I work my backside off. I don’t like your loud sticky kids. I certainly don’t want to support you or them. Get a job.

I was able to go to uni to earn a law degree, after doing an access course for a year as I didn't complete my A levels (nothing to do with being pregnant, I fell pregnant a year after I left sixth form) with my child after having her at 19. She was not planned, but it really wasn't much of an issue in my life. Not that I'd recommend having kids young, I'd have had her later given the choice. But I had a few years of fun before then, and had an amazing childhood. I'd already lived independently for 2 years, so was used to being an' adult' as opposed to a responsibility-free teen.
I know (ie. Lived next to) people who didn't have kids until their 30s and are arguably not great parents, never know what their kids are up to, yell and scream at them, smoke in the house, kids often knocked on my door as mum hadn't fed them etc.
Age has little to do with it.

I get that contraceptives fail sometimes but I can’t understand why anyone would deliberately chose to have kids before they were at least in their early twenties. It’s only a few years wait but makes a huge difference maturity wise.

As said - I don't know a single young mum who hasn't relied heavily on her own mum. Meaning she can go off to college or Uni, have a work and social life etc only because her own mum is picking up the slack, often curtailing her own work and leisure time due to spending many hours caring for grandchild. Fair enough I suppose in a way but what's with young mums speaking as if they did it all? Give credit where it's due, and acknowledge that without your own mum to hand you'd really see how truly hard childrearing is