Be honest - would you judge the girl under 20 who has 2 children?

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Honestly, what would your thoughts be at this?? Especially if the person looks under 20.

I personally wouldn't judge anyone but I was judged (especially by older people) a lot when I had 2 under 1yr old while I was 20. I learnt the hard way to grow thick skin unfortunately

Surely for most parents, if they go out for a drink, their children are in bed or soon will be? On the odd occasions I went out, my kids were asleep. So it wasn’t a choice between time with or without them. I had a babysitter who came in and either left when I came home, or she slept over and went in the morning. I didn’t “dump” my kids on anyone.

I'm totally lost. Who is now doing all the holidaying without their five year old?

All these extremes. You must know some right arseholes in real,life
Honestly you need to improve the quality of your friendship circle.

I am sorry, but at 5 years old, you like to go away with your parents. You don't need to show independence at that age.

You're projecting your views. You know how many kids of that age love staying at grandma and grandads house for a few days? Or a much loved cousins?. Its the sheer novelty of it, many of my friends have had grandparents look after their kids whilst they go away for a break. The kids had a great time, and were obviously still dependant on loved ones looking after them.

MyDH I really think you are bringing in issues of the people you know in real life that just aren’t a part of this thread. I never went on holiday without my kids until they were at least 16, could have been older, I can’t quite remember but certainly not when they were young.

Bluntness - in fairness my friends have done this from time to time. But they aren't arseholes so I think it helps

When I was a teenage Mum I endured horrible bitching and gossip and also had to develop a thick skin, you'd thought I was an alien the way the local babygroup treated me. I do wish people would realise that there's a person with feelings holding that baby no matter how old she is!

Bluntness100
One minute it's ok for mothers to go on holiday (or hen weekends the poster wrote) without their kids, the next you write Who is now doing all the holidaying without their five year old?. Well, this , the women going on hen holidays for example, and all the other examples from the thread.

Why are you picking on everything I write and ignore all the other posts?

My friendship circle is fine, thank you.

Maybe I am not just part of that mythical MN family where everybody works 9 to 4 and are home for tea with the kids every single day at 4:30 and I see my kids less than others, who knows.

Kool yes I think it's fine for a long weekend or what ever if a child stays with a loved relative. I think dh is not referring to that though she's referring to people who never wish to holiday with their kids.

Which I'm assuming is the same people who dump their kids and socialise all the time without them. And feels they get in the way.

As Such some real arseholes and she needs to improve her social circle. I've never met anyone who never wishes to holiday with their kids, finds them s hindrence and dumps them socialise and have lie ins every weekend.

Apparantly my dh knows a lot of folks like this.

You're projecting your views. You know how many kids of that age love staying at grandma and grandads house for a few days? Or a much loved cousins?.

I know, thanks, that's where my kids spend half their holidays when I am at work. What little holidays I do have I like spending with them, and they like spending with me but that makes me a dysfunctional extreme unhealthy codependent claustrophobic mother apparently

I would if she'd had the 2 children by choice knowing she was going to be living on benefits. Otherwise, no not at all.

My dh, are you saying you even think people can't go on hen weekends without their kids? You're not saying this surely? I thought you were referring to family holidays, as in two weeks away kind of thing.

and Bluntness100 should stop being so goady and projecting her own inadequacies on others, because it's now clear that she is trying to go for a fight despite the poster not taking the bait and trying to answer politely.
Proves the point though!

Her life, her choice.

I had my children young (not as young as you though OP)
I was 20 with DC1 (split up with ex when DC1 was 7 months)
26 with DC2
27 with DC3

I honestly feel like I’ve been swimming upstream for the last 10 years and often wonder how much easier/different or more financially secure I would be if there was an extra decade on me before I started. It has been incredibly hard studying/ working and setting up my business for the last 10 years, I doubt we will ever be able to buy a house.

My children are well loved and well cared for. My eldest has suffered from the fall out of acrimonious relationship with his abusive dad, which is heart breaking for me to watch. I was too young when I had him

No. I know a few mums under 20 at toddler group and they're really good mums. Treat them the same as any other mums.

If it makes you feel better myDH, one of my friends who went on a hen do to benidorm without her kid is a childminder with ten years worth of nursery nurse manager experience.

As an aside, her child took it upon themselves at age 4 to raise money for a certain charity (I wont say how cos that would be outing). Suffice to say at age seven, the child finally did the fundraiser challenge and raised £1400 for this particular charity, all through their own merit. The child is an absolute credit to my friend, and they have such a great bond in every way.

But sure, you keep telling yourself she's a terrible mother.

No, I wouldn't judge.

Honestly, no I wouldn't judge.
Someone I grew up with had 3 children by 18, never once judged her either.

I’d judge if she wasn’t financially secure enough to be in that position I’m afraid.

I personally wouldn't, I'm 20 myself and me and my partner have been trying for a baby since before my 20th birthday, we both have our own businesses and are making decent money and are both ready for a baby but whenever I tell people my age and that we're trying you do get a lot of people who still judge for being "too young".

Personally I just think each to their own, what one persons ready for another maybe isn't! 😁

Nope not at all. I had one when I was 17 and could have had another before I was 20 so this could have easily been me.

Koolbeans
my bad, getting drunk at weekends with your mates is a sign of excellent parenthood, I was completely mistaken. Having kids in your teens has proven to be the right way to get a PHD and a 6 figure salary, it's the rest of us who have failed miserably.
Shame on us. I now recognised I was wrong. This thread has been a real eye opener.

If she and/or her partner were supporting them so they were self sufficient financially and not on benefits the no I wouldn’t judge her.

What's wrong with having motherhood as an ambition?